Punch (58.1870)

April 23, 1870.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

167

GREAT MEETING IN THE CITY.

A meeting of Uncommon Councilmen was held the other morning
in the Court of St. Bride, for the purpose of considering- the condition
of the City, with the view to taking measures for its general improve-
ment, In virtue of his endless efforts towards this ohject, Mr. Punch,
Uncommon Councilman, was by acclamation voted to the Chair.

Alderman Phtjnky said that, owing to their insufficient area, the
City streets now killed pedestrians at the rate of three a week. He
feared, as men grew more enlightened, the Corporation would be held
responsible for this, and he quailed at the bare thought of being sent
to Newgate, on a charge of wilful manslaughter through over-crowded
streets. {Sensation.)

Aldebman Twentystone remarked the streets were safe enough
for him. He had not the slightest fear of ever being driven over, lor

In opening thepro- the fact was, as they

ceedings, the Chair-
man remarked_ that
he would not insult
the understandings
of his audience by
presuming they were
capable of compre-
hending any but the
very simplest argu-
ments. London was
a big place, that was
a big fact. {Hear!)
But by the time when
lie had published his
Four Thousandth
Number, which great
event would happen
iu less than half a
century hence, Lon-
don would be more
than twice as big as
it was now. Every
one, of course, would
want to come into
the City, for the
Punch Office was
there. (Hear!) What
then were they to do
for the Coming Man,
or rather for the
Coming Millions ?

Alderman Level-
ler suggested that
the Lord Mayor
ought to take a leaf
from M.ILvusmann's
book. Let the City
be pulled down, and
built eleven stories
high. Sweep away
Clieapside and Fleet
Street, and St. Paul's,
and open a wide
boulevard from the
Strand slap to the
Hank.{Hear!) Temple
Bar might be re-
moved, say to the
Crystal Palace, and
kept as an antiquity
under a glass case.

Alderman Fogy
would proiestagainst
such atrocious senti-
ments. Starey soup
or wires, as he used
to say at school. Let
them stare at their
old streets as long as
they were living, and
let the coming milli-
ons look out for them-
selves. {Applause.)
As for touching
Temple Bar, they
might as well pull
down Gok and Ma-
gog, or Guildhall! bores. {A laugh)

well knew, that he
never walked a step.
(A laugh) Still the
overcrowding was
certainly a nuisance.
It often took him
twenty minutes to
drive along Cheap-
side, and, as time
was money, he reck-
oned the delay cost
him a fi'-pun' note.

Alderman Ran-
ter observed that,
if more room were
wanted, they might
as well pulldown alot
of the old churches
which had lost their
congregations, now
t hat nobody remained
iu the City on a Sun-
day ; or, if they ever
did so, seldom went
to church. {Ques-
tion !)

Alderman Rat-
tlecash remarked
that what they wanted
was more railways.
Now, he had in his
pocket some half-
score of prospectuses
of lines that were
projected, some to be
suspended far above
the chimney-pots,
and others to be tun-
nelled underneath
the streets. Every
scheme, it had been
calculated, would pay
twenty-five per cent.
{oh ! oh !) and it was
expected this per-
centage would be
doubled by the open-
ing of branches,
which, as they all
knew, were always
found to pay. {A
voice, " Walker ! ")
As he hoped his civic
friends would largely
profit by these pro-
jects, he would be
most happy to supply
them with the scrip.
(Cries of " Hookey !"
" Don t you wish it!")

Alderman H.eavi-
sides considered they
had had enough of

' I WOULD I WERE A BiRC-" j railways, and espe-

T I cially underground

Impossible, my Dear ; .but here is a Suggestion.—Ever your devoted Punch. ones, which he

thought were regular

Alderman Gobbler concurred with the views of the last speaker.
If they introduced French boulevards, they next would introduce
French bouillon in place of turtle-soup. {Sensation.)

Alderman Goaiiead observed that, as ground had grown so pre-
cious in the City, new streets should be constructed a-top of one
mother, and the City built in platforms like the decks of a big ship.

The City would soon be not safe for men of substance. The ground
was everywhere so tunnelled that it was a mercy if, after a good dinner,
one didn't, tumble in. {Shudders)

A discussion here ensued which promised to be interesting and prac-
tically useful; but the Chairman opportunely proclaiming it, was lunch
time, the real object of the Meeting was discussed extremely eagerly

Captive balloons might be attached to the top platform, in order to ! in an adjoining room, and the further consideration of the subject was
reueve the pressure underneath, {question !) \ adjourned until next All Fools' Lay.