Punch (61.1871)

^2__PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [July 29, 1871.

TOMLINE'S QUESTIONS.

r. Tomline has given notice of his in-
tention to ask the following Question
before the Session closes :—■

Whether there was not an Act
passed in the reign of Stephen, re-
quiring the wigs of the Judges of the
Superior Courts of Law (when en-
gaged in trying Civil cases) to be
made of a particular description of
horse-hair; whether this Act is not
still unrepealed; whether it is not a
notorious fact that the wigs of the
Judges have for the last three hundred
and thirteen years ceased to be manu-
factured in accordance with 1 Steph.
c. 3 ; whether, therefore, all judicial
decisions which have been given since
the year 1558 are not null and void ;
and whether Her Majesty's Govern-
ment are prepared to order new trials,
and to award compensation to those
parties, or their representatives, who
have been illegally adjudged to pay
damages and costs.
Mr. Bentinck will supplement this question with another, asking
whether Her Majesty's Government will provide the Lord Chief
Justice of the Common Pleas with a legally valid wig, before the
recommencement of the Tichborne Trial.

Her Brother (ivho is an Amateur Singer at Private Operetta par-
ties, and of course knows all about it). Pale! Pooh! that's 'cos he
hasn't washed the paint off. (His Sister thinks this very unkind.
Tears. Cheers.)

(More cheers—people rising tumultuously—bouquets—wreaths ! !)
Friend of Well-informed Person (renewing the discussion). He
is a Marquis, because Princess Mart bowed to him.
(Immense applause, consequent upon the ever-popular Princess
Mary of Cambridge, as she will always be in our memory,
throwing a wreath to Signor Mario. The Duchess op Cam-
bridge throws another, which Signor Mario catches. Immense
applause.)

A Public School Duke (in private box, jocularly). Well fielded!
Bravo !

[Exit Mario backwards, gradually bowing himself out.
Well-Informed Person (determined to argue with Friend). That
doesn't prove he's a Marquis. He was a great friend of Princess
Mary's.

(More cheering. Everybody standing up. Evidently they will

have him on again.)
Familiar Person (next to Well-informed Person). The Tecks
have sent him a handsome dinner-service, gold.

[Bravo! Cheers. Exit Mario, backwards again, probably
backing on to the Prompters toes.
Well-informed Person (not to be outdone). No, silver.

[Bravissimo ! Cheerissimo ! Re-enter Mario.
Old Habitue (looking round). Never saw such a sight.

[More people rising. Increasing applause.
Young Habitue (generally languid). No—never—gad. (Becomes

It is Mr. Tomline's intention to study Constitutional Law during ! languidly interested.) Bravo! (Taps two fingers of right hand

the Vacation, and he hopes to be in a position to ask the followin
additional questions early in next Session :—

Whether the right of fishing for gudgeon in the Thames was not
expressly confined to Members of the House of Commons in the pos-
session of red hair, by an Ordinance passed in the reign of William

against three of his left, and is rather ashamed of himself for such a
show of weakness.)

(Mario collects a few hundred bouquets, bows a few hundred times,
and then disappears; sideways this time.)
Everybody (including the languid enthusiasts, who begin to think

Ruths; and whether the Chancellor of the Exchequer will\that if they must applaud they'll take off their gloves). Bravo,
pledge himself to introduce a vote into the Estimates for 1872—3, Mario !

providing for the maintenance of an adequate force of_ Keepers
and Watchers, to prevent any further infringement of the piscatorial
rights of privileged Members.

Whether Her Majesty's Government will take into consideration
the propriety of appointing a Royal Commission, to report how tar ?« Thyerelwe d{d it that time» R al Box enthusiastic.)
Hares go mad in the month of March (and the annual number of
cases during the last twenty years); what is the exact effect of the
Moon upon Lunatics; to what extent dogs are benefited, or the
reverse, by the retention of the Dog-days in the Almanack ; and

(Re-enter Mario, evidently having commenced taking off part of his
monk's costume. More bouquets, more flowers, more wreaths.
People in side boxes nod at him encouragingly, as if he was a
young beginner, then smile at one another, as much as to say,
There—we did it that time.''' Royal Box enthusiastic.)

Discontented Person (who can't have enough for his money).
Wish he'd speak.

Enthusiast (excitedly). He—bravo!—will. [Hurrah! Bravo!

whether hatters are more liable to mental aberration than the! Enthusiast No. 2 {more excitedly). No, he—bravo!—won't: he

members of any other trade, profession, or calling.

EVENINGS FROM HOME.

FAREWELL BENEFIT OF SIGNOR MARIO, 19th July, 1871,

When he played Fernando, as he alone can play it, in La Favorita, for
the last time in London.

House densely crowded. Enthusiasm from the commencement
shown in fitful flashes throughout the opera. Whenever Signor
Mario is recalled, he gracefully leads on Mademoiselle Scalchi,
the Leonora of the evening. But, at last, the opera over, enthu-
siasm bursts out ablaze, and demands no longer La Favorita, but
The Favourite of the music-loving public for the last thirty years.

With this slight prologue we are now in the Stalls. " Valete,"
Signor Mario is saying: it is quite unnecessary to add " et
plaudite." Allons done !

Shouts of " Bravo, Mario!" gradually swelling into a deafening
roar as Mario appears in front of the curtain. Bouquets in
showers.

Well-informed Person (to Friend). Mario's a—bravo !—Count
in his own right. [Bravo ! Hurrah !

His Friend (applauding). No; he's a—bravo ! — Marquis—(afraid
of having, in his enthusiasm, contradicted too peremptorily—Exit
Mario, first time)—at least, so I think. (Immense applause. Re-
appearance ofMario.) Here he comes again. Bravo! Bravo!
(Three dozen bouquets, and several wreaths, thrown on the Stage.
Signor Mario picks them all up.)

Old Gentleman (sympathetically). Hope he won't suffer from
lumbago to-morrow. Bravo!

(More tumult, cheering, hurrahing. Signor Mario boivs right and

left.)

Elderly Lady (feelingly). He 's very nervous.
Younger Lady (rather hysterical). He's very pale.

[Applauds, and feels she could almost cry.

can't. [Bravo! Bravo!

Third Enthusiast (almost angrily). What!—bravo! hurrah!—
not speak English ? [Bravo ! Bravo !

Enthusiastic Lady. Yes, he's going to-

[ Waves pockethandkerchief.
Perfect Stranger (to her. Enthusiasm, being one of Nature's
touches, makes everybody kin for the moment). I'm afraid he
won't-

[Tries to get a speech out of Mario by shouting "Bravo!"
several times.
One Voice from somewhere above. Speak !
Everyone (drowning the little Voice). Hurrah! Bravo!

[Handkerchiefs, bouquets, 8fc, 8$c. ad Ifb.
Unbelieving Worldling. Wonder if it's—bravo!—his last appear-
ance ?

(At last Mario ?nakes his exit, beginning sideways, then disappearing
backwards, for the fifth time. Lights begin to be extinguished.
Enthusiasm subsides, and everybody leaves solemnly, as if
coming out of church. Enthusiasm outside. Mario cheered
to his carriage.)

Young Habitue (loudly to Friend in the Hall, so as to be heard by
Admiring Crowd). I went to say good-bye to the old boy. Very
much affected. (He probably went round to the Stage Door to see
Mario come out.)

Old Habitue (also loudly). I remember Mario when, &c., &c.
[ The usual thing about his first appearance, with additions about
Rubini, Persiani, and Grisi's debut.
(Carriages gradually receive the enthusiasts, and by half-past twelve
Covent Garden is still and dark, for Mario has gone, and so has
everyone else.)

Mr. Punch. Fare Thee Well! and if for ever—then for ever—
Mario, Prince of Lyric Artists, fare thee well!

(Bids Signor Mario adieu, and adds when he is gone,)

Though lost to ear,
To memory dear,
I ne'er shall look upon his like again !