Punch (61.1871)

November 25 1871.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

219

FORWARD ! — Queensberry Motto.
(" RATHER SO ! "—Mr. Punch.)

" The Marchioness of Queensberry has
sent a cheque for £10 to the -wife of Robert
Kelly, who has just been acquitted of murder-
ing Constable Talbot."—-Daily Telegraph.

If Me. Kelly had not been acquitted,
and if the sentence usual in cases of non-
acquittal for murder had been carried out,
how happily Punch might have quoted
Pope:—

" Of all thy blameless life the sole return,

My verse, and Queensberry weeping o'er thy
urn."

However, that couplet does not exactly
apply to the case, as it stands. Might
Mr. Punch ask whether Constable Talbot
had a wife ? As if so, and as Talbot is
certainly dead—even the Dublin jury did
not deny that—perhaps some other bene-
volent Marchioness may have a ■ £10 note
: to spare for the widow. It would be an
: acceptable, if not a sensational offering.

Municipalities, like men, vary in their
temperaments. Malton has chosen a Mayor
who is Sadd, Rye a Meryon.

P.S. to this P.S. We apologise to the
Smiths, and as regards the public, we
felt all the time we were writing there was
no Mayor Smith that we were doing that
which was wrong; and as this is held by a
very large class of the community to be a
satisfactory apology for anything, we shall

CoNSIDERIN — what? \ make nQ other< There is a MAYOR smith

'•I did last Night what I've no dune this Thirty Year. I gaed to Bed pair- at Berwick-on-Tweed, and another at

futly So?zr, AND I'm THANKFU' to say I got UP this MORNIN' so a bit the waur." \ SouthpOrt.

A NARROW ESCAPE."

(FRAGMENT OVERHEARD THE OTHER DAT.)

Well, Lauchie, how are you?"

Man, I'm wonderfu' weel, considerin'

P.S. TO " OUR NEW MAYORS."

SURTAXED AND SURCHARGED. . .

The comparatively Great Untaxed, the toiling millions of this
country, who contribute nothing towards its expenses but a frac-
tional, if' not optional, charge on their tea and sugar, and a fractional
and optional charge on their beer and gin, from which burdens they
may expect soon to be exonerated by a Government which will want
their votes, must, as many of them as have read, have been amused
by reading an announcement that the tradesmen and professional
men of Bath, at a meeting in the Guildhall, convened on Friday
evening to discuss surcharges on their Income-tax returns, unani-
mously voted the following resolution :—

" That this Meeting protests against the systematic overcharge of the
Income-tax on the professional and trading classes of this city, and indig-
nantly repudiates the imputation on their honour and veracity shown by the
total disregard of the returns which they have fairly and conscientiously
mude."

To the Great Untaxed of Income, the indignation of Income-tax
payers at being discredited and being surcharged on their returns,
cannot but seem laughably unreasonable. Of course they think what
simpletons people, subjected to a partial tax, that is to plunder, must
be to imagine that they would be believed by their assessors to have
made true returns on which to have their iniquitous taxation assessed.
As if it were likely that any Government, levying an unfair tax,
would not assume that everybody would evade it who possibly could.
As if' they would give anybody credit for being more honest than
themselves. These considerations must hugely tickle the Great Un-
taxed, many of whom, perhaps, further laugh at the idea, even if
they were liable to their fair share of taxation, of being invited
themselves to disclose, whilst able to conceal, the particulars
whereon it could be calculated.

The Biggest of Bulls.

An agitation, newly sprung up in the Land of Leeks, has been
described as " Wales for the Welsh." What it demands, however,
is the Welsh language for Wales—in Courts of Law among a Welsh-
speaking people. Taffy might be a pattern to Paddy. Whilst
crying " Ireland for the Irish ! " Paddy should also cry " Irish for
Ireland! " What a bull to bellow in the English language for
recognition of Irish nationality ! . ,

WAS IT COURTEOUS P

The Judges of the Land ought to be an example of everything
that is right and proper. Are they ? Not of politeness, certainly,
if the following report of what occurred in the Court of Common
Pleas, when the late Attorney-General was introduced on being
made a Serjeant, is correct:—

" Mr. Justice "Willes said, ' Brother Collier, will you move ?' Sir
Robert Collier bowed, and having shaken hands with the various Queen's
Counsel, retired."

Of course " Brother Collier" retired! After receiving such a
very broad hint, no man with a spark of self-respect could think of
staying another moment where he was evidently not expected to
linger. It will be observed that Sir Robert shook hands with the
Queen's Counsel, for they had said nothing to hasten his departure ;
but he only bowed to the Bench, no doubt from a determination to
show what he thought of the question which had just been addressed
to him by one of its occupants, a question which can only be com-
pared to the Policeman's, " Now then, will you move on ?" After
such a reception, who can wonder that the learned gentleman post-
poned taking his seat on the Bench on the following morning, as
was expected ?

"NO FEES."

We learn, by advertisement, that "the Management" of one of
our theatres, at which a drama of Shakspeare's has been produced,
"being overwhelmed with letters suggesting different Shakspearian
plays for performance, ballot-boxes have been placed in all parts of
the theatre, in which those honouring the Tempest with their pre-
sence are requested to slip the name of the play which they prefer.
The state of the poll will be published every week."

May we suggest to "the Management " of all those theatres where
fees are still permitted—fees for booking seats, fees for showing
visitors to those seats, fees for playbills, fees for the care of cloaks
and bonnets, fees for the custody of coats and hats, &c, that they
should put up boxes, in which visitors might deposit their opinion,
in writing, of this intolerable system of levying vexatious fines r
The " state of the poll," if the " Managements " had the courage to
publish it, would probably induce all to do what some of their body
have already done—abolish fees for ever.