Punch (63.1872)

October 19, 1872.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

157

AN EXTENSIVE ORDER.

" 0, please, Miss, will you give us two 'A'pennies for a Penny, and
ei' me a Drink o' Water, an' tell us the Eight Time? An' Father
wants a Pipe ; and lend Mother yesterday's 'Tizer." ! ! !

THE MARCH OF REFINEMENT.

Purists frequently are heard complaining' of the pro-
gress and the prevalence of slang, and it is certainly
distressing to a sensitive ear when a young gentleman
speaks of his papa as either " governor" or as "the
relieving officer," and still more when a young lady talks
of having had "an awfully jolly caper" at the recent
county ball. Still, a little lower in the social scale, there
is noticeable nowadays a very marked refinement and
elegance of language. One hardly would expect this in
the gallery of a theatre, and yet the cry of " 'Ouse bill
on'y a penny ! " has been improved, of late, to that of
"Programme or Hop'ra glass!" In certain minor
temples of the drama, as their habitues no doubt euphe-
mistically term them, beer is still the usual nectar pro-
vided for the " gods : " but we have vastly little doubt
that in a very little time rhubarb wine and Seltzer water
will be, instead of beer, provided. "We entertain, more-
over, a confident opinion that fans will, on warm eve-
nings, be on hire for the fair goddesses, and we shall
not be surprised to see them bringing big bouquets to
throw to the performers. Doubtless, no long time will
pass ere Eau-de-Cologne and other scents are likewise
freely sold to the fair patrons of the drama who occupy
the highest portion of the auditorium ; and, possibly,
next Christmas, a social law may be in force, prohibit-
ing the "gods" from appearing in their shirt-sleeves,
even upon Boxing-Night.

Mouthfuls for Millionnaires.

When Oysters cost thrice less than now

They formed a frugal dish,
And people used to wonder how

Pearls grew m such cheap fish.

If Oysters rising keep in price,
Soon, years, that o'er us whirl,

Will make the Oyster, morsel nice,
More precious than the Pearl.

decidedly wrong.

Would it not be misleading a foreigner, or a coun-
tryman, in search of some one to carry his luggage, to
tell him there was a place close at hand which announced
that it had "the best Porter in the neighbourhood ? "

_crwivmTATri ctadv wil* forthwith simply convict Mr. Bobby, under the new Licensing

AJN AoLll/J\ JJliN Lt olOKl. Act, of having been, by his owu confession, served in a public-house

Some hosts have entertained angels unawares. Others have en- du^g F^ted h°u,rs' .H« will> accordingly, fine Bobby forty

tertained guests of quite another description in disguise. From a bob' aad- toT the rest' dlsmlss the case>

case of information under the Licensing Act, which came, the other ■
day, before Mr. En ox, at Marlborough Street, and from many other

such cases, it appears that the Police, by direction of their Superin- BUTT ME NO BUTTS,
tendents, are accustomed to enter public-houses during prohibited i tit -n ■»«■ t> • i r\ n • v. i m rr -mt
hours, and call for "intoxicating liquors," thus officially tempting . M*- ?UTT' M\P" 18 als0 a Q. C—in other words, one of Her Ma-
publicans, in order that they may inform against them, to break the ^ 8 Counsel learned in the law.. Speaking at Limerick of the
law. This vocation of Tempter is distinctly the reverse of angelic, otfeuces of whl?h ?°me of tbe *e?ian MllltaJT P™oners, who had
and when Bobby is employed in it his name obviously expands itself

sworn to serve the Queen and to be true to her colours, were con-
victed, he says :—

" It was never shown that these poor soldiers had ever committed any
offence against the trust reposed in them as military men, but that in a loose
moment they consented to take an illegal oath.'

into Roberto il Diavolo.

He, not Roberto, but the personage from whom Roberto derived
his " addition," was, we know, the Father of Lies. It is remarkable
that the method whereby Bobby, in the character of Roberto il

Diavolo .Tempter of Publicans, proceeds, is altogether that of lying, j If the learned Gentleman had any sense, he might have urged in
Roberto takes exactly after his reputed sire. He goes into a public- mitigation of their sentence, that the probability was, that when
house m plainclothes, thereby representing himself to be what he these unhappy men violated their soldier-oath thev were "tight"
is not—an honest private person. He asks to be supplied with at the time

" intoxicating liquors ; " and perhaps he tells the direct lie of saying " ----

that he is a bond fide traveller.

Bobby lies by order of his Superintendent; his Superintendent by I The Mouser.

order of whom? For doubtless the Superintendent who gave Bobby , „ „. r, , . . . a, ~ . ,

the informer's office had the office given to himself by somebody . The fmies Correspondent informs us that the Prussians have
above him; and the lie ascends. Let us sav story rather ■ euphe- j rented a most destructive gun called " the Mouser, which is far
misms are and ever were commendable. To whom 'ascends the story i superior to the Henry-Martini and all other deadly weapons. He
above the Superintendent, and to whom above the Superintendent's adds> that there 18 mucn mystery about it. Perhaps it is intended
superior ? Who is the primary story-teller ? It were not too I ±or Prlvate use- If so, will the Prussians be kind enough to try
curious to inquire, but it were too painful. The Superintendent is the Mouser" on our garotters, if they catch them in Germany,
an abstraction ; but when we go above him we get into the region j and thereby save us the trouble of applying the Cat.
of the concrete and the personal. He whom the story-teller's cap
fits, let him wear it.

If any Policeman lays an information against any Publican for
having illegally supplied him with liquor, and Mr. Punch is the

pedestrianism extraordinary.

sitting Magistrate, Mr. Punch can only say that, for his part, he upon a book.

A Publishing friend says, that the exercise he likes best is a run