Punch (63.1872)

November 23, 1872.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

209

TEMPLARS AND TEMPERANCE.

A certain Judge used to say that there was no such
a thing as bad wine. All wines, he said, were good,
only some wines were better than others. He was a
good Judge. Mind, he said, wines, and, as a lawyer
said what he meant to say—wines, and not vinous
officinal shams. Yes, he was a good Judge. He never
got drunk. "Wine never made him. It never does make
any good Judge drunk. All British Judges are good
Judges, and always were. Jeffbeys was the exception
that proves the rule. British Judges are, and ever
were, all sober. Hence the proverb, " Sober as a Judge,"
because it is seen that no amount of wine that a Judge
may drink can make him drunk.

A large number of Judges dined on Thursday evening
last at the "Grand Day" Banquet in the "Ancient
Hall of the Inn " of the Middle Temple. There did
they take not only their ease in their Inn, but also their
wine, as they are accustomed to do. Now, then, since
their Inn was that of the Middle Temple, how ground-
less, as well as arrogant and insulting, is the assumption
of which a section of teetotal fanatics are guilty in pro-
fessing a distinctive sobriety, by calling themselves
" Good Templars " ! Genuine Good Templars practise
Temperance, not Teetotalism.

LOGICAL.

First Young Gent. "0, my dear Fellow, Dining out last Night—accounts

for your being ' SEEDY.' took. too much WlNE, of couese ? "

Second Young Gent. " 0 no, it wasn't the Wine. B'sides, I couldn't have

dbunk too much, 'cause I 'm as thirsty as possible now ! ! "

Exemplary Prelate.

According to the Manchester Guardian, Dr. Thirl-
wall is going to resign the Bishopric of St. David's for
fear lest, by-and-by, infirmities should incapacitate him
for its duties. The Church can afford to wait till they
do. It is said that the Bishop oe St. David's was origi-
nally a Barrister, and his utterances, in both speech and
writing, evince a logic which distinguishes the legal from
the clerical (and the female) mind. His faculties, as yet,
remain unimpaired, and particularly his moral sense,
which, in the case of most Bishops and other clergymen,
is apt to get weakened or warped by habitual dogmatism,
the thoughtless or unconscientious practice of continu-
ully asserting opinions as facts. The Church will find it
difficult to obtain a successor to Dr. Thirlwall as sin-
gular as he is in that respect.

change of living.

"The seventeen Diets of Austria"! The people of
that country are fortunate in having so many varieties of
food. We hope to taste a few of them, next summer, at
the Yienna Exhibition.

OUR MAYORS.

upon-Thames ; but troublesome persons must not presume on this, or
forget that clemency is only one of the qualifications of an efficient
magistrate : and if there is an unruly element in the population of
mnlJTft g 1 grQ ir°Ug HE ^6 Sth°W °l ?tryMfSei ' Truro, it had better remember that the Mayor there will be Heard.
M^Lff.S t Gardens and the election of those Chief j ^ ^ 8Urpri8e to hear that Lancaster for the third time

WrS toZiSfclSri AT ¥ALTT hS i »as stuck to Cotton-the capital of Lancashire could not make a
been known to designate as Provincial Magnets, Mr. Punch, always | mQre fi { fa . d th/A wiU be lad t0 know that the

prompt to discharge a duty which only comes once a year, has carefully
examined, with a very powerful glass, such lists of the new Mayors
as have attracted his notice, in order to form some conclusion as to
the manner in which the various municipalities, scattered over the
tract of country lying between the Border and the Land's End, will
be governed during the ensuing year.

It is gratifying to remark that a large number of Mayors have
been re-elected on account of tbeir affability, hospitality, wisdom,
wealth, and imposing personal appearance ; but Barnsley (and some
other towns) has preferred a Newman. Colchester bows to a Bishop
—the Establishment must not be unduly elated, for Torrington bends
before a Chappie—while Southport contents itself with a Squire, and
York with a Steward. Leicester, as the capital of a great hunting

abolition of Purchase is not universal—certainly it has not extended
to Romsey.

Hoping that the Mayor of Lincoln will not find himself Hughes-ed
up at the expiration of his term of office; indicating that the
Mayor of Cambridge is at once a Master of Arts, a Conservative,
a Barrister, a Recorder, and a Naylor; mentioning that there is a
man of Mark at Dartmouth; noting that it will not be surprising
if, for the next twelve months, the common formula of "By
George ! " give place to " By McGeorge! " in the loyal old town
of Newark ; and observing that geographical divisions have been so
far disregarded as to unite Ireland to Brighton, Whitby to Yeovil,
and Yorke to Penzance,—Mr. Punch takes the Loving Cup in both

county, very properly chooses to follow the lead of Foxton, and ; hands, and drinks to the health of all Mayors and Mayoresses,
Leeds, whose fame has hitherto been thought to rest more upon coupling with the toast the name of Mr. Alderman Clarke, now,

broad cloth than broad acres, gives itself up to the guidance of Ox-
ley. Liverpool may think Samuelson betokens great antiquity ; but
such a comparatively small place as Tynemouth far outstrips it with
Adamson. Tbere is a Bird at Deal—safe enough, for the Fowler is
a long way off, as far north as Durham. Th^y have probably heard
the remark before, but the Conservatives at Stamford will not object
to be told again, that they have put the Wright Man in the right
place. If, unhappily, any differences should arise at Monmouth
between the bakers and their customers, they must refer it to
Rolls. The boys of Evesham will have to be careful what they are
doing, and not thro w stones or let off squibs, for Byrch is an ominous
name. Clements is supreme in the ancient borough of Kingston-

for the ninth time, Mayor of Saffron Walden.

Great News.

Thebe are good times coming. Mai de mer is likely to be abo-
lished by Mr. Bessemer (we were not equally glad to read, in a
review of Mr. Darwin's new book, that blushing " seems likely to
be lost," Eleanor, and Alice, and Isabel, and a great many more
looking so charming under flying colours) ; and " Foot-warmers are
now supplied to all third-class passengers upon the Great Northern
Railway." We shall yet live to see the streets kept tolerably clean.