DOI Heft:
July 17, 1880
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17764#0032
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[July 17, 1880.
OUR GEESE.
H, England, left by For-
tune in the lurch, ill
’Twould fare with thee
hut for Lord Ran-
dolph Churchill !
Thee Rads
would
ingulf
But for
Curtius,
Wolfe
that modern
Drummond
Ray, things so had might fare from worse to worst,
Were’t not for our Palladium, glorious Gorst.
Stout as the Three who kept the Bridge of old,
These scare Rad rohhers from the Church’s fold,
Resist the Arch-fiend Gladstone and his works.
Holding a brief for Heaven and the Turks.
But there’s another mightier yet than these.
Old Rome, so history says, was saved by geese,
And the chief “ Question-asker” is an Anser
Greater than any History—the romancer !—
Holds records of. The lord Stratheden and Campbell
Beats most at an inquisitorial ramble ;
And oft the pestilent Premier writhes and squirms
Beneath the great “ I-want-to-know ” He AVorus.
But what historic goose can match at cackle
The incontinent querist who delights to tackle
His Country’s foes, from Gladstone to Grant-Duff,
With daily.screeds of skimble-skamble stuff,
Mixed homily and catechism, fraught
AVith such an inchoate vastitude of thought,
So subtly blending infinite pretence
AVith most mirific lack of pertinence,
That the old type of foolish fuss, Dame Partlet,
Must now yield place to—Mr. Ashmead Bartlett !
A Distinction with a Difference.
‘•The Sultan has invited the Director of the Ottoman Bank
to the Palace, to discuss the difference between the Porte and
the Bank.”—Recent Constantinople Telegram.
The great difference, we take it, between the Porte
and the Bank—which includes most of the minor ones—
is that the Bank has command of money, the Porte
hasn’t—“ nor none is like to have.” The one is a Porte
in a storm. The other is a Bank with a rest.
DRAMATIC DIPLOMACY,
The true Secret of, as extracted from a Foreign Office ivire by Mr. Punch's
“ Own Special Tapper."
Earl Gr-nv-lle, F. O., London, to Right lion. G. G-sch-n, B. E,
Constantinople.
Waiting to hear from you. Something ought to have happened
by this time. What are. you about ? AVire.
Right Hon. G. G-sch-n, B. E., Constantinople, to Earl Gr-nv-lle,
F. O., London.
Am: about nothing particular. They don’t understand arithmetic.
Shall broach the “Reforms,” however, at dinner on Tuesday.
Things move more slowly here than you would suppose. Situation
delicate. Ought I to wear a hat at dessert ?
Earl Gr-nv-lle, F. O., London, to Right Hon. G. G-sch-n, B. E.,
Constantinople.
Certainly. Assert yourself. AVe will take consequences.
Refuse also to leave Palace till promise to carry out programme is
given in black and white. Prestige will suffer by prolonged inaction.
You understand. Strike.
Right Hon. G. G-sch-n, B. E., Constantinople, to Earl Gr-nv-lle,
F. O., London.
Have struck. Produced Fifteen Puzzle with the coffee, and got
H. M. into a two hours’ conversation over it. Very successful. He
did it twice, and promised a concession. The whole of the Syrian
Zaptiehs are to wear policemen’s helmets and learn book-keeping by
single entry. This to come in force his next birthday but one. Hope
this will do.
Earl Gr-nv-lle, F. O., London^ to Right Hon.. G. G-sch-n, B. E.,
Constantinople.
Won’t do. 0. R. telegraphs from Berlin “ AVe ’re nowhere.” G.
feels this too. Something must be done. Abu will have our fullest
support in a coup de theatre. Try one.
Right Hon. G. G-sch-n, R. E., Constantinople, to Earl Gr-nv-lle,
F. O., London.
Coup de theatre effect&d. Have refused to give up escaped female
slave. Enveloped myself in union-jack, and saDg “ Rule Britannia,"
defying Ministry to walk over my prostrate body. Not one of them
would. She goes to Egypt. Triumph complete. Hope this will
satisfy you.
Earl Gr-nv-lle, F. O., London, to Right Hon. G. G-sch-n, B. E.,
Constantinople.
Thanks very much. Not quite what we expected, but better than
nothing. Prepare for arrival of Collective Note. That will wake up
H. M. Meantime wear your hat.
GIVE YOUR ORDERS !
Mr. Punch,
Many persons, equally interested with myself in affairs of
pomp and ceremony, were of course highly delighted by the perusal
in the Court Circular of the announcement that—
“ On the occasion of the audience granted by the Queen to the Ambassador
from the Zing of Siam, on Friday last, His Excellency Chow Phva Bhanu-
wongse Maha XosaTibodi ti Phralaxghaving presented Her Majesty
with the insignia of the Order of the White Elephant of Siam, the Queen
was invested with the Riband, Badge, and Star, which were placed on Her
Majesty by Princess Beatrice.”
In the course of my favourite reading I subsequently had the
pleasure to learn from the Morning Post that—
“ The Queen has been graciously pleased to confer on Phya Ratua Kosa,
First Secretary of the Siamese Embassy, who was prevented by indisposi-
tion from being present, at Windsor Castle on the 2nd inst., the Companion-
ship of the Order of Si. Michael and St. George.”
Surely, Sir, the Order of SS. Michael and George was a more than
ample return for the Order of the White Elephant. The insignia of
the latter symbolise a superstition ; but do not those of the former
commemorate sacred personages, objects of orthodox faith P It is a
delusion to believe the bodies of white elephants to he tenanted by
transmigrated souls ; whereas we know it—do we not P—to be true
that St. George slew a dragon, and that St. Michael also triumphed
over a similar antagonist, when, as represented in the stained glass
window at Melrose Abbey,
“Full in the midst his cross of red
Triumphant Michael brandished,
And trampled the Apostate’s pride.”
Is not the Companionship of the Order of St. Michael and St.
George the fellowship of Saints, for which Phya Ratua. Kosa may
be expected forthwith to get, if he has not already got himself duly
qualified, and when he goes back to Siam will he not yery likely
convert his master the King ?
Otherwise, for exchange of decorations with Sovereigns who believe
in such creatures as White Elephants, the Crown might perhaps be
advised in adaptation to their ideas, to create, special Orders of
Chivalry, whereof the denomination might be derived from denizens
of the Zoological Gardens, as, for instance, the Order of the Hippo-
potamus, or the Order of the Two-Horned Rhinoceros. Therewith
a complimentary distinction received from a foreign potentate of the
Buddhist or any suchlike persuasion, might be repaid.in kind, and
with such congruity and fitness of things as to make things perfectly
Square.
P.S.—The United States, I think, are provided with no Order of
Chivalry whatever. Uncle Sam might be pleased to institute, an
Order of the Buffalo, or of the Spread Eagle ; or what would he think
of an Order of the Sea-Serpent ?
[July 17, 1880.
OUR GEESE.
H, England, left by For-
tune in the lurch, ill
’Twould fare with thee
hut for Lord Ran-
dolph Churchill !
Thee Rads
would
ingulf
But for
Curtius,
Wolfe
that modern
Drummond
Ray, things so had might fare from worse to worst,
Were’t not for our Palladium, glorious Gorst.
Stout as the Three who kept the Bridge of old,
These scare Rad rohhers from the Church’s fold,
Resist the Arch-fiend Gladstone and his works.
Holding a brief for Heaven and the Turks.
But there’s another mightier yet than these.
Old Rome, so history says, was saved by geese,
And the chief “ Question-asker” is an Anser
Greater than any History—the romancer !—
Holds records of. The lord Stratheden and Campbell
Beats most at an inquisitorial ramble ;
And oft the pestilent Premier writhes and squirms
Beneath the great “ I-want-to-know ” He AVorus.
But what historic goose can match at cackle
The incontinent querist who delights to tackle
His Country’s foes, from Gladstone to Grant-Duff,
With daily.screeds of skimble-skamble stuff,
Mixed homily and catechism, fraught
AVith such an inchoate vastitude of thought,
So subtly blending infinite pretence
AVith most mirific lack of pertinence,
That the old type of foolish fuss, Dame Partlet,
Must now yield place to—Mr. Ashmead Bartlett !
A Distinction with a Difference.
‘•The Sultan has invited the Director of the Ottoman Bank
to the Palace, to discuss the difference between the Porte and
the Bank.”—Recent Constantinople Telegram.
The great difference, we take it, between the Porte
and the Bank—which includes most of the minor ones—
is that the Bank has command of money, the Porte
hasn’t—“ nor none is like to have.” The one is a Porte
in a storm. The other is a Bank with a rest.
DRAMATIC DIPLOMACY,
The true Secret of, as extracted from a Foreign Office ivire by Mr. Punch's
“ Own Special Tapper."
Earl Gr-nv-lle, F. O., London, to Right lion. G. G-sch-n, B. E,
Constantinople.
Waiting to hear from you. Something ought to have happened
by this time. What are. you about ? AVire.
Right Hon. G. G-sch-n, B. E., Constantinople, to Earl Gr-nv-lle,
F. O., London.
Am: about nothing particular. They don’t understand arithmetic.
Shall broach the “Reforms,” however, at dinner on Tuesday.
Things move more slowly here than you would suppose. Situation
delicate. Ought I to wear a hat at dessert ?
Earl Gr-nv-lle, F. O., London, to Right Hon. G. G-sch-n, B. E.,
Constantinople.
Certainly. Assert yourself. AVe will take consequences.
Refuse also to leave Palace till promise to carry out programme is
given in black and white. Prestige will suffer by prolonged inaction.
You understand. Strike.
Right Hon. G. G-sch-n, B. E., Constantinople, to Earl Gr-nv-lle,
F. O., London.
Have struck. Produced Fifteen Puzzle with the coffee, and got
H. M. into a two hours’ conversation over it. Very successful. He
did it twice, and promised a concession. The whole of the Syrian
Zaptiehs are to wear policemen’s helmets and learn book-keeping by
single entry. This to come in force his next birthday but one. Hope
this will do.
Earl Gr-nv-lle, F. O., London^ to Right Hon.. G. G-sch-n, B. E.,
Constantinople.
Won’t do. 0. R. telegraphs from Berlin “ AVe ’re nowhere.” G.
feels this too. Something must be done. Abu will have our fullest
support in a coup de theatre. Try one.
Right Hon. G. G-sch-n, R. E., Constantinople, to Earl Gr-nv-lle,
F. O., London.
Coup de theatre effect&d. Have refused to give up escaped female
slave. Enveloped myself in union-jack, and saDg “ Rule Britannia,"
defying Ministry to walk over my prostrate body. Not one of them
would. She goes to Egypt. Triumph complete. Hope this will
satisfy you.
Earl Gr-nv-lle, F. O., London, to Right Hon. G. G-sch-n, B. E.,
Constantinople.
Thanks very much. Not quite what we expected, but better than
nothing. Prepare for arrival of Collective Note. That will wake up
H. M. Meantime wear your hat.
GIVE YOUR ORDERS !
Mr. Punch,
Many persons, equally interested with myself in affairs of
pomp and ceremony, were of course highly delighted by the perusal
in the Court Circular of the announcement that—
“ On the occasion of the audience granted by the Queen to the Ambassador
from the Zing of Siam, on Friday last, His Excellency Chow Phva Bhanu-
wongse Maha XosaTibodi ti Phralaxghaving presented Her Majesty
with the insignia of the Order of the White Elephant of Siam, the Queen
was invested with the Riband, Badge, and Star, which were placed on Her
Majesty by Princess Beatrice.”
In the course of my favourite reading I subsequently had the
pleasure to learn from the Morning Post that—
“ The Queen has been graciously pleased to confer on Phya Ratua Kosa,
First Secretary of the Siamese Embassy, who was prevented by indisposi-
tion from being present, at Windsor Castle on the 2nd inst., the Companion-
ship of the Order of Si. Michael and St. George.”
Surely, Sir, the Order of SS. Michael and George was a more than
ample return for the Order of the White Elephant. The insignia of
the latter symbolise a superstition ; but do not those of the former
commemorate sacred personages, objects of orthodox faith P It is a
delusion to believe the bodies of white elephants to he tenanted by
transmigrated souls ; whereas we know it—do we not P—to be true
that St. George slew a dragon, and that St. Michael also triumphed
over a similar antagonist, when, as represented in the stained glass
window at Melrose Abbey,
“Full in the midst his cross of red
Triumphant Michael brandished,
And trampled the Apostate’s pride.”
Is not the Companionship of the Order of St. Michael and St.
George the fellowship of Saints, for which Phya Ratua. Kosa may
be expected forthwith to get, if he has not already got himself duly
qualified, and when he goes back to Siam will he not yery likely
convert his master the King ?
Otherwise, for exchange of decorations with Sovereigns who believe
in such creatures as White Elephants, the Crown might perhaps be
advised in adaptation to their ideas, to create, special Orders of
Chivalry, whereof the denomination might be derived from denizens
of the Zoological Gardens, as, for instance, the Order of the Hippo-
potamus, or the Order of the Two-Horned Rhinoceros. Therewith
a complimentary distinction received from a foreign potentate of the
Buddhist or any suchlike persuasion, might be repaid.in kind, and
with such congruity and fitness of things as to make things perfectly
Square.
P.S.—The United States, I think, are provided with no Order of
Chivalry whatever. Uncle Sam might be pleased to institute, an
Order of the Buffalo, or of the Spread Eagle ; or what would he think
of an Order of the Sea-Serpent ?