Punch — 82.1882

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDOiS CHARiVARI.

[May 27, 1«82.

RACING NOTES BY DUMB-CRAMBO JUNIOR.

m

He Spotted a Dark Horse.

An Excellent Stayer.

Was Beaten on the Rails.

Archer’s Mount,

A Bad Third.

Patent Adjustable Baclc for Elongating
the Necks of Bace-Horses.

Won by a Neck.

BEHIND THE SCENES!

“ Mr. J. L. Toole. the well-known comedian, was entertained on Thurs-
day last at breakfast by the Premieb,.’’—Baily Paper.

Scene—A Parlour in Downing Street. Mr. Glaestone discovered
up to his eyes in official papers. Enter Mr. Toole.

Mr. Gladstone (hurriedly leaving his work). My dear Sir, I am
heartily glad to see you!

Mr. Toole (shaking hands warmly). “ Pray ’scuse my glove.”
(Coughs apologetically.) Don’t you remember—an old catch-word
of mine at the Gaiety ? (Considering, with his hand to his mouth.)

It must he ten years ago at least—now, mustn’t it F How time runs
on, to be sure !

Mr. Gladstone (seating himself, and pointing to the table). Shall
we set to work ?

3fr. Toole. Well, I don’t mind if 1 do. “ I’ve only got a’our
for my dinner,” as I used to say in John’s farce. ' You know
John Hollingshead P (IVith conviction.) Why, of course you do !
(Confidentially.) And how are you ? All well at home ? (Heartily.)
That's right! (Sympathetically.) But you’re looking pale, a

little out of sorts, not quite the thing ? Ah! Just so!

Mr. Gladstone. I have been much worried by recent events, Mr.
Toole. The altercation about the letter of Mr. Parnell, has caused
me serious annoyance.

Mr. Toole (with sympathy). Ah, I dare say! Just so, just so!
Coming out by bits, eh ? Y res. Says they, “Why didn’t you say
so atfirst?” Says you, “ Cos you didn’t ask me ! ” Of course, I
see ! Just like Spriggins and the Major ! By the way, I shall put
Ici on Parle Francais up at a Matinee at my Theatre, by-and-by.
You must come and see it.

Mr. Gladstone. I shall certainly be present at the initial perform-
ance. I am very glad to see you here, and alone, Mr. Toole, as I
want to consult you upon a matter of very great importance.

Mr. Toole (smiling). So you have sent Herbert out for a half-
holiday ? Ah, to be sure ! Quite right—“ Not before the boy,” eh ?
’Seuse me—only an old gag of mine.

Mr. Gladstone. l"es, Mr. Toole ; I think it advisable to say what
I have to say without a witness. I am sure Herbert has perfect
•confidence in me-

Mr. Toole. So he should! As I always say to him, “ Keep your
eye upon your father, and he will pull you through ! ” You want to
have alittle chat about the Egyptian Question, or the Budget, eh ?
{Gratified.) I am sure I shall be only too glad to do what I can.
Always. At any time, don’t you know ? Pleased. Honoured, I am sure.

Mr. Gladstone. I knew you would. You are always so very
•obliging. But it ’s not exactly about the Budget or the Egyptian
Question. (TVith hesitation.) The fact is, I—hem—I want to ask
your opinion—upon— hem—(approaching cupboard)—rLgon something
I have here. (Produces enormous pile of MS.) The fact is, it is
a farce. in Nine Acts, which I have knocked off in my leisure
moments.

_ 3fr. Toole (starting to lxis feet). Delighted to hear it at any time !
Yes, at any time ! But just now, don’t you know, 1 ’ve got to go

to King William Street to see about the Booking. Must go at once
(Impatiently.) Never so annoyed in my life ! But I will hear i
soon—yes, very soon ! (Heartily.) Any day you like !

Mr. Gladslone (disappointed). I am sorry you can’t wait. (TVit.l
pride.) It’s called. Miss Brown's Little Wreath of Forget-Me-Nots

3fr. Toole (astonished). No ! (Ifeartily.) Capital title ! Capital '
I must hear it! Oh, yes, I must hear it! And in Ten Acts, too !
Just a nice length.

3fr. Gladstone (apologetically). It ’s only in Nine Acts ; but if you
could do anything with it— (eagerly)—I could put on another !

3fr. Toole (heartily). Ah, do ! And I will hear it after you 've done
it ! Good-bye ! So sorry I can’t wait! Never so much annoyed ii
my life ! But must attend to the Booking, don’t you know? So
annoying ! See you soon at the theatre ? Yes ! That ’s right!

\_Exit hurriedly, and meets Eminent Tragedian on the Stairs.

Eminent Tragedian (languidly). Ah, Johnny, is the Prrmieii
alone ?

Mr. Toole. Yes, and waiting for you. Tell him, from me, that
you ’re the very man to consult upon the matter we were discussing !

\_Disappears in a hansom, and drives off furiously.

(Scene closes in upon the Premier and Eminent Tragedian closeted
together for many hours.)

LIGHT OUT OF DARKNESS.

“ The duration of the eclipse of the sun on the 17th of May,” says the

Times, “ was about seventy seconds.”

Seyenty seconds— no more, eager Savans !—seventy seconds, no
more !

Yet what may they tell of the sun, eager Savans, that ne’er was dis-
covered before ?

It seems but a twinkling of time, eager Savans ; let ’s hope it may
tell you, oh ! lots

Concerning Corona and spots, eager Savans, concerning Corona and
spots.

With Light against darkness, long time, eager Savans, has Scienct
maintained a good fight,

And now she must utilise Darkness, oh, Savans ! to throw greatei
light upon Light.

Seventy seconds of sunlessness, Savans! Well, much has been
managed in less ;

So, here ’s wishing you luck and success, eager Savans !— here ’s
wishing you luck and success !

Pleasant Derby Sayings. To the Owner of Second. —“ Poor old
man, if your Jockey hadn’t made so much running, or hadn’t made
such a waiting race of it, or had had the pluck to take his place
coming round Tattenham Corner, or hadn’t come at such a rare bat
round the Corner, you would have won to a certainty.”

To Everybody from Everybody.—“ What, didn’t I tell vou all
along ? ”
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