Punch (91.1886)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

97

hoodlum.

From Citizen Jules Gueulaed, French Working Men's Delegate,
-London, to Citizen Hoodlum P. Cbanx at Mrs. Bulldose's
Hoarding House, Hyde Park, Chicago III. U.S.A.
Fben ^ Beozeeee,

Hebe is more zan eight day I restin dis mud-fog-dust-smoke
city, annoying myself sometime, amusing myself too, by time. Your

letter from Chicago,
he come yesterday.
He very pretty, spe-
cial when it is of
blood you speak. I
am well ease to hear
from my good fren
vid vich I vork more
than one year in the
carpet factory_ of
those German pigs,
Schweinhund an
Rauschinken. Fra-
ternal salutation to
all French comrade
in factory. Embrace
of solidarity to Bla-
gueeoet dit Tape-
due, Emile Savate,
Pieeee Chassepoil
an Alphonse Gbin-
cheux, dit Boule
de Suie. I hope
you all strike often,
"Delegate Ground'' at the Colinderies. an shoot at rich fa-

; . bricant an banker,
yen de heart tell you of it. Here we are living as Delegates, like cock
m paste. Every day he come feast. At Quadrant dining-room of
the Exposition at Sow Kensington, I fin a charming ouaiterre name
itOBEET. Roberttoi que jaime! He is Remembrancers and
Ouaterre Bailiffs Young Man to the Lor Maire, but zat tyrant is in
vacancies, an Robebt he wait at Quadrant. Afterre long talk to me
Kobeet he said, I am going avay, Mossoo." I say " Go, my fren."
Zen he murmur somethin about "arfacrown." Vat is arfacrown ?
1 know francs an centimes, dollare an cents, but no arfacrown.
Kobeet tells me he is journalist. He introduce me to Sir Cunliefe,
Miloe Tbendell, General Someevine, all journalists. Ve Delegate
af dme vid ze Tyrants Entrails Club and vid de Tom Paine Club,
and sop vid ze Ancient Order of Ragamoffin, ze Liberty an Property
Abolition League. Tomorrow a gingrog of honour at the hall of the
Society for the Destruction of Modern Buildings. Zay talk too of
making us Nites of ze Raw Onion League, a Society instituted in
honour of ze memory of Odgeebe, a patriot proletaire who loved
raw onion to folly. Already we enjoy dere Spartan fare. Bread,
cheese of Holland, onion an porterrebeer._ Zen gin grog. Zen pipe,
zen fite. A Dame of League, charming but red head, propose
to decorate me vid onion in button-hole. I endeavour to florate her
lips. She say, "two bob and benderre." Vot is two bob an
benderre ? Zen she say, "rhino," " tin," " stump up," " money."
I comprehend. I zay "no." Zen she push me in ze eye, vich is
now black as heart of millionnaire.

Adieu for ze moment, my fren. I go now to opening of Chambers
at yestminsterre, In ze Senate I am to hear Lord Wixebid Law-
son's discourse in eloge of rum-grog. He will be oppose by another
Deer of same name, Lor Haeey Lawson, one of ze chief of ze
banpancratie, or Igh Tory party. Sir Pabnell I have not yet erd.
Last Sunday Bibi La Gbillade, Jambonaed dit Coco, and Felix
Gaveocheur dit Gatemouchaed. Ive spend day vid Citizen
Laboucheee, at the Villa of Popp, Tweekenam. Popp was poet,
well poet and well strong in Greek. Omeea, an Irish banker,
rich, a monster of crime, and vain, pay Popp to translate Virgil from
ze Greek, and pass it off as is own; but ze Critics find out ze fraud,
an ze book always known now as Popp's Omera. Hate cigarette.
Like brandy-grog. Citizen Laboucheee very tall, fine man. Large
mind. He is Journalist for ze foreign politiq of ze Daily News
Telegraph, an evening Journal, of vich ze weekly edition is called,
Ze World an Truce—zat is Citizen Laboucheee's devise. Vat noble
vords—Ze Vorld an Truce ! Citizen Laboucheee has a son called
Edmond. He loves him with passion.

Adieu, my friend. A biento ! Death to tyrants! Abas les pro-
prietaires.' Viv nous autres ! A bas les autres !

Jules Gueulaed.

From the same O Sitoien Jean Jaques Desvebees-Gonday Konseliez
,r „ Munisipalle a Lotel Devil, Paris.

Mon Vieu,

Tu a toutjour zete un bon zig pour moi eh le jourre de la
grand pay can je navet palle sou couvant tu ma refieury le tain avec

vol, xci.

trois ou catre vers de sehnik et dez boks inombrabe. Say pour sa
que je te phlanque une laitre pour te dir de mez nouvel et te raconte
mes zavanture parmis ses greaain de mangeur de rosbif et buveur de
porterre. Sachet mon bon que l'angleterre est un pay tray canail.
Londre ait une vil eksesivement saloppe. Nyapa de Hal Sentral
l'seul marchai quai ses zimbessil ait un mauve troux quille zapel
" Mod Salade Markett" ainci nomay par un fichue drolle de journal
Le Ponche. "Mod Salade Markett" veux dir Marchay Boueuse
Sait dune puantheure infect. Onnyyent que des laitgum dais phrui
ez quelque fleure. On vous fay paye une dmi killogram de raysin
cinq shellin—fiichtre! La journay dun om!—et toute sept pouriture
apartien eaux Duo de Gotoutbedeobt dont le fisse ehnay ait Marqui
de Mod Salade. On diray duvo. Jeunceu ti dire rien dafer public.
Tout sa tu trouvera dan lez laitre quand ma calitais de deleguez j envoi
a notte journal bienehmai Le Voyou. Onmoffe dez comme phabu-
leuze pour le droy de rayimprimez ses laitres. Adieux mon vieu.
Ses shamo de cokney de savent pas un brain de se quai la vie libber -
tay com nous lentendont a Paris. Salu tay Fraternitez.

Ton ami Jules Gueulaed.

GOING NOETH!

The following condensed extract from a contemplated edition of
Bradshaw, specially annotated and revised for the purpose, is
recommended to all thinking of journeying beyond the Tweed:—

London—10 a.m.—This train crammed with tourists, sportsmen,
dogs, babies, servants and general passengers, made up to double its
ordinary length, is at last started thirteen minutes late and leaves
the station at a slow crawl.

Geantham—2 "17 p.m.—Arrives here one hour and fifteen minutes
behind time. _ Passengers can alight here and ask guard what it all
means, but will get no information.

Yoek—4'59.—Fresh influx of tourists, sportsmen, dogs, guns, and
babies here. Train stops eighty-seven minutes for dinner. Passengers
wishing to be in time for the Highland train from Perth, can here
threaten the Directors, write to the Times, or go back to London by
the next train and give it up.

Newcastle—9'29.—Train two hours and twenty-seven minutes
behind time. Third-class passengers who wish to protest, can get
out here, and, tearing their hair, bathe their heads in cold tea in the
refreshment-room, in presence of the local porters. "Wait of twenty-
seven minutes about nothing in particular.

Edinbuegkh—12'2.—It being past midnight, all passengers alight
here off their heads, and after chasing the Station-Master all over
the building, join in a general Scotch reel on the down platform,
from which they are finally with difficulty hustled back again into
the train by the authorities, aided by the police, and are at last
started en route for Perth, a hundred, and seventy minutes behind
time, singing " Scots wha hae" in unison.

Peeth—3'13 a.m.—Reached three hours and thirty-five minutes
after time, the last Highland train having started North two hours
and a quarter previously. Passengers, on hearing this announce-
ment made to them, and being informed they must finish the night
on the platform, alight here in wild hysterics, and proceed to wreck
the Pullman sleeping-car, and make a bonfire with the debris, the
Traffic Manager, who endeavours to interfere, only escaping being
lynched on the spot by climbing up aloft, and hiding m the iron
rafters. The Refreshment-room is also broken into soon alter day-
light here, when a wild orgy on cold coffee and uncooked salmon
cutlets ensues and is continued till tickets being inspected under the
supervision of the local Military, the morning traffic is resumed, and
the tourists, sportsmen, dogs, servants, babies, and general passen-
gers are gradually despatched northwards, in diminishing, but
irritable and discontented batches, and the ordinary business of the
day is once more proceeded with as usual.

jt b_ —Theiinformation furnished in the pages"devoted both to the
Midland and North-Western routes is equally explicit and satisfac-
tory. ,

a Policy of Inquiry.

" We have determined to appoint a small Commission."

Lord Randolph Churchill.

Old Digby Grant in the Two Roses found

A way of settling old accounts completely;
He simply gave " a little cheque" all round,

And thought that finished up the business neatly.
Of that prig's precedent does Randolph reck ?

Well, he has slightly altered the position,
Digby squared all things with " a little cheque," , . „

Ohuechill would square them with " a small Commission.

A Plat, that was omitted from the German celebration of the
Centenary of Fbedebick the Geeat last week was, L'Ami J>m<-