DOI issue:
February 19, 1887
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17657#0095
February 19, 1887.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 85
ORIGIN OF TITLES.
According to D. Crambo, Junior.
DUKES.
Vest, Min'ster ? Came-bridge
A SONNET OF YALENTINES.
"When February's lingering light reveals
The patient earth, still pallid with the weight
Of Winter's darkness, and the dazzling freight
Of snow, which Summer's wealth in trust upseals,
And heavenward turns th' unwary walker's heels,
And lends to dauntless Infancy a straight
And aggravating missile for the pate
Of muting stranger, who astonied feels
The concrete cloud upon his collar hurst;—
Now, when the hirds make their engagements known,
And early baas are on the thin winds blown,
There are who send—I can't tell why, I'm sure—
To strangers, who have ne'er with them convers'd,
Kude painted daubs of vilest portraiture.
Here is an advertisement that might suit an ambitious
conjuror out of place :—
CAN any Clergyman BECOMMEND a thoroughly respectable
useful Man as INDOOR SERVANT and GARDENER?
Some knowledge of house decorating desirable; age about 35 ;
Church of England; principal duties gardening and drawing
bath chair; parlour-maid does indoor work while thus engaged;
dress as indoor servant after one; no beer; no clothes; bona
Jide non-smoker.
Note the wonders of this mysterious household ! There
is an ubiquitous parlour-maid, who, while engaged in
" gardening and drawing a bath chair " at the very same
moment apparently " does indoor work." But no lesser
marvel is expected of the applicant. He is to dress as an
indoor servant after one, and yet he is to do it without
any clothes. After this it seems immaterial that he
should have some knowledge of house decorating and be
a. bona fide non-smoker. The advertiser had better apply
direct to M. Verbece:.
Mr. Santley has been recently made a Knight of St.
Gregory by Leo the Thirteenth. Ynry not have
beatified him at once, on account of his being so Santley ?
He was in excellent voice when he sang in Spohr's great
Oratorio, which, by the way, is a subject that does not
lend itself to any Spohr-tive remarks.
"Fair and Forty."—The Thieves in the Drury Lane
Pantomime. But where' s the " Fat'' in this quotation P
Oh, the two low comedians have got all that to themselves.
" A Breech oe Promise."—The new twelve-and-a-
half pounder for the Horse Artillery.
To Fonow.—After " She,"—He.
A PROTEST PROM THE PEDESTAL.
The adjourned meeting of theTublie Thoroughfare Protection Association
was held, after midnight, yesterday at Charing Cross, Lord Nelson, who
descended from his column for_ the purpose, being again voted unanimously in
the Chair. The assemblage which was rather select than large, was, however,
well attended by Statues occupying various prominent sites in other parts of the
Metropolis, and who, therefore, took a lively interest in the matter under
discussion.
On the hour of One sounding on the clock of the /Westminster Palace, the
Chairman rose. He said, he need not detain the meeting by dwelling on what
had brought them together. They were met to protest against an intolerable
nuisance {"Hear ! hear."') need he say he alluded to the utilisation, attempted
and threatened, of the open space that surrounded them, for the purposes of
public meeting. Though when a mob crowded the Square, he, perched up on
the top of his lofty pedestal, might personally consider himself out of it, still
he could see what was going on at his feet, and he had frequently seen the base
of his column invaded by a noisy rabble, who even clambered on to the backs
of the four noble beasts who protected him. ["Shame!") It is true they
had been dislodged ultimately by the Police, but only after an unseemly scuffle,
that he considered degrading to him as a public monument. (" Sear ! hear ! " j
He had on one memorable occasion reminded hisfellow-countrymenhowEDgland
expected every man to do his duty, and he would just throw the hint across to
the Authorities at Scotland Yard opposite, by expressing a hope that, when the
time should arrive, they would be found equal to the task of doing theirs. (Cheers.)
Grneral Sir Charles Napier said he entirely concurred in every word that
had dropped from the illustrious naval hero who occupied the chair. (" Hear.'")
Speaking from his own experience, and in his forward position, he was able
conveniently to note the passage of the vehicular traffic ; he could only say
that on the last occasion, about a year ag-o, when the Square was invaded, it
came to a dead stand-still. This was a disgrace. Besides, in the turmoil, the
public did not even notice him, and he considered he had been placed on the
"finest site in Europe" to he stared at. (Laughter.) Instead of that, he only
had a mob of angry ruffians turning their hacks on him. (Reneiced laughter.)
Honourable Statues might laugh, but he could tell them that to be placed on
a pedestal by a grateful country, and then treated no better than a lamp-post,
was not a pleasant experience. He protested against this. He certainly should
vote that the Square be restricted to its proper uses, and not turned into a bear
garden. (Cheers.) And he felt he could say this not only for himself, but also
on behalf of his gallant brother-in-arms, facing the omnibuses on the other side.
General Havei.ock [with warmth). I believe you! (Hoars of laughter.)
George the Fourth said, that situated as he was, he might by some be
regarded as the " corner man" in any assemblage that might take place in that
locality. Still, he believed, he was still known as the First Gentleman in
Europe—(" OA .' oh 1")—and, under these circumstances, he considered it very
derogatory to his dignity to have acrewof ragamuffins climbing about his horse's
legs, and waving a red flag under his very nose. He would be bound his illus-
trious predecessor, the Royal Martyr, would agree with him.
Charles the First, who, on rising, was enthusiastically greeted, said, that
having lost his head in one popular movement, he was likely to know -what he
was saying when dealing with another. (" Hear ! hear ! ") He could only say,
to suffer the traffic of a great centre to be interrupted for hours by a set of
brawlers under any pretext whatever, that it would be an interference with the
right of public meeting to stop it, was to sanction a scandal to which the mere
levying of ship-money was a comparative trifle. (Cheers.) He had been once
brought to the block, but if this was allowed, he should have the block perpetually
being brought to him. (Laughter.) If people wanted to talk, let them do it on
Clapham Common or at Wormwood Scrubs. He trusted Sir Charles Warren
would set his foot down firmly in the matter, and protect the peace and well-
heina: of the neighbourhood. ("Hear!")
The discussion was then continued with much animation by several Statues
from the Embankment, who spoke to the same effect, some merriment being
caused by the arrival of George the Third from Cockspur Street, who rode
round to give his general support to the meeting, the four Lions eventually
rising and expressing their approval of the proceedings by a sympathetic roar.
The approach of dawn having been announced by the whistle of an early train
entering the neighbouring station, the assemblage gradually withdrew, and
the local Statues re-seeldng their respective places, the Square onoe more
assumed its wonted aspect._
Had it proved true that, as the P. M. G. informed the public, Sir Charles
Dilke on coming into a legaoy would have had to change his name to Snooke,
then those persons who did not wish to speak to the ex-Member for Chelsea
when encountering him in the street would have had the pleasure of " Cutting a
Snooke " without any rude action.__
There was scarcely room enough for the vast assemblage of Brethren who met
to assist at the installation of Augustus Druriolanus. Whereupon the New-
Worshipful Master might have exclaimed, with a sigh, " 0 for a Lodge in some
vast wilderness ! " By the way. at the ceremony there was an Anglican Bishop
present. Will this Episcopal Mason, in his apron, lay the foundations of.the
Church House r__
The American Fisheries' Dispute—What the Canadians say to the
Americans,—" Pas sea Bait." Directly the bait is not used to catch votes, an
amicable settlement will he arrived at—and the sooner the baiter.
vol. xch.
i
ORIGIN OF TITLES.
According to D. Crambo, Junior.
DUKES.
Vest, Min'ster ? Came-bridge
A SONNET OF YALENTINES.
"When February's lingering light reveals
The patient earth, still pallid with the weight
Of Winter's darkness, and the dazzling freight
Of snow, which Summer's wealth in trust upseals,
And heavenward turns th' unwary walker's heels,
And lends to dauntless Infancy a straight
And aggravating missile for the pate
Of muting stranger, who astonied feels
The concrete cloud upon his collar hurst;—
Now, when the hirds make their engagements known,
And early baas are on the thin winds blown,
There are who send—I can't tell why, I'm sure—
To strangers, who have ne'er with them convers'd,
Kude painted daubs of vilest portraiture.
Here is an advertisement that might suit an ambitious
conjuror out of place :—
CAN any Clergyman BECOMMEND a thoroughly respectable
useful Man as INDOOR SERVANT and GARDENER?
Some knowledge of house decorating desirable; age about 35 ;
Church of England; principal duties gardening and drawing
bath chair; parlour-maid does indoor work while thus engaged;
dress as indoor servant after one; no beer; no clothes; bona
Jide non-smoker.
Note the wonders of this mysterious household ! There
is an ubiquitous parlour-maid, who, while engaged in
" gardening and drawing a bath chair " at the very same
moment apparently " does indoor work." But no lesser
marvel is expected of the applicant. He is to dress as an
indoor servant after one, and yet he is to do it without
any clothes. After this it seems immaterial that he
should have some knowledge of house decorating and be
a. bona fide non-smoker. The advertiser had better apply
direct to M. Verbece:.
Mr. Santley has been recently made a Knight of St.
Gregory by Leo the Thirteenth. Ynry not have
beatified him at once, on account of his being so Santley ?
He was in excellent voice when he sang in Spohr's great
Oratorio, which, by the way, is a subject that does not
lend itself to any Spohr-tive remarks.
"Fair and Forty."—The Thieves in the Drury Lane
Pantomime. But where' s the " Fat'' in this quotation P
Oh, the two low comedians have got all that to themselves.
" A Breech oe Promise."—The new twelve-and-a-
half pounder for the Horse Artillery.
To Fonow.—After " She,"—He.
A PROTEST PROM THE PEDESTAL.
The adjourned meeting of theTublie Thoroughfare Protection Association
was held, after midnight, yesterday at Charing Cross, Lord Nelson, who
descended from his column for_ the purpose, being again voted unanimously in
the Chair. The assemblage which was rather select than large, was, however,
well attended by Statues occupying various prominent sites in other parts of the
Metropolis, and who, therefore, took a lively interest in the matter under
discussion.
On the hour of One sounding on the clock of the /Westminster Palace, the
Chairman rose. He said, he need not detain the meeting by dwelling on what
had brought them together. They were met to protest against an intolerable
nuisance {"Hear ! hear."') need he say he alluded to the utilisation, attempted
and threatened, of the open space that surrounded them, for the purposes of
public meeting. Though when a mob crowded the Square, he, perched up on
the top of his lofty pedestal, might personally consider himself out of it, still
he could see what was going on at his feet, and he had frequently seen the base
of his column invaded by a noisy rabble, who even clambered on to the backs
of the four noble beasts who protected him. ["Shame!") It is true they
had been dislodged ultimately by the Police, but only after an unseemly scuffle,
that he considered degrading to him as a public monument. (" Sear ! hear ! " j
He had on one memorable occasion reminded hisfellow-countrymenhowEDgland
expected every man to do his duty, and he would just throw the hint across to
the Authorities at Scotland Yard opposite, by expressing a hope that, when the
time should arrive, they would be found equal to the task of doing theirs. (Cheers.)
Grneral Sir Charles Napier said he entirely concurred in every word that
had dropped from the illustrious naval hero who occupied the chair. (" Hear.'")
Speaking from his own experience, and in his forward position, he was able
conveniently to note the passage of the vehicular traffic ; he could only say
that on the last occasion, about a year ag-o, when the Square was invaded, it
came to a dead stand-still. This was a disgrace. Besides, in the turmoil, the
public did not even notice him, and he considered he had been placed on the
"finest site in Europe" to he stared at. (Laughter.) Instead of that, he only
had a mob of angry ruffians turning their hacks on him. (Reneiced laughter.)
Honourable Statues might laugh, but he could tell them that to be placed on
a pedestal by a grateful country, and then treated no better than a lamp-post,
was not a pleasant experience. He protested against this. He certainly should
vote that the Square be restricted to its proper uses, and not turned into a bear
garden. (Cheers.) And he felt he could say this not only for himself, but also
on behalf of his gallant brother-in-arms, facing the omnibuses on the other side.
General Havei.ock [with warmth). I believe you! (Hoars of laughter.)
George the Fourth said, that situated as he was, he might by some be
regarded as the " corner man" in any assemblage that might take place in that
locality. Still, he believed, he was still known as the First Gentleman in
Europe—(" OA .' oh 1")—and, under these circumstances, he considered it very
derogatory to his dignity to have acrewof ragamuffins climbing about his horse's
legs, and waving a red flag under his very nose. He would be bound his illus-
trious predecessor, the Royal Martyr, would agree with him.
Charles the First, who, on rising, was enthusiastically greeted, said, that
having lost his head in one popular movement, he was likely to know -what he
was saying when dealing with another. (" Hear ! hear ! ") He could only say,
to suffer the traffic of a great centre to be interrupted for hours by a set of
brawlers under any pretext whatever, that it would be an interference with the
right of public meeting to stop it, was to sanction a scandal to which the mere
levying of ship-money was a comparative trifle. (Cheers.) He had been once
brought to the block, but if this was allowed, he should have the block perpetually
being brought to him. (Laughter.) If people wanted to talk, let them do it on
Clapham Common or at Wormwood Scrubs. He trusted Sir Charles Warren
would set his foot down firmly in the matter, and protect the peace and well-
heina: of the neighbourhood. ("Hear!")
The discussion was then continued with much animation by several Statues
from the Embankment, who spoke to the same effect, some merriment being
caused by the arrival of George the Third from Cockspur Street, who rode
round to give his general support to the meeting, the four Lions eventually
rising and expressing their approval of the proceedings by a sympathetic roar.
The approach of dawn having been announced by the whistle of an early train
entering the neighbouring station, the assemblage gradually withdrew, and
the local Statues re-seeldng their respective places, the Square onoe more
assumed its wonted aspect._
Had it proved true that, as the P. M. G. informed the public, Sir Charles
Dilke on coming into a legaoy would have had to change his name to Snooke,
then those persons who did not wish to speak to the ex-Member for Chelsea
when encountering him in the street would have had the pleasure of " Cutting a
Snooke " without any rude action.__
There was scarcely room enough for the vast assemblage of Brethren who met
to assist at the installation of Augustus Druriolanus. Whereupon the New-
Worshipful Master might have exclaimed, with a sigh, " 0 for a Lodge in some
vast wilderness ! " By the way. at the ceremony there was an Anglican Bishop
present. Will this Episcopal Mason, in his apron, lay the foundations of.the
Church House r__
The American Fisheries' Dispute—What the Canadians say to the
Americans,—" Pas sea Bait." Directly the bait is not used to catch votes, an
amicable settlement will he arrived at—and the sooner the baiter.
vol. xch.
i