DOI Heft:
February 26, 1887
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17657#0111
February 26, 1887.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 101
" Behold the mysteries of M'dme Too Sdr," she exclaimed. " Look
not so frighted, 0 my Tree-Goose. I tell thee I deal not in magic—
there is no such thing. And now for some more light. Thou wilt
presently understand."
In a moment some of the mutes seized the oldest of the figures,
and made them flame. They burned like waxworks !
" I promised thee a strange sight, my Good-as-Beerbohh Tree,"
laughed ASs-ish, whose nerves did not seem to be affected, and
immediately joined in a wild can-can with the mutes.
Overwhelmed at the extraordinary spectacle, I fell into a swoon,
and saw no more!
Chapter III.—The House made of Glass.
When I came to myself I found that Hee had made arrangements
with Pongo and Bob (rather twelve pence-sive) to visit a new place not
many miles from the land of M'dme Too Sor, and that we were even
then threading the streets of houses of those long since dead. And here
my pen fails me. To give a story of measurements and details of the
various courts would only be wearisome. It is enough to say I saw
where ancient Romans, and ancient Greeks, and ancient Egyptians,
had dwelt, leaving records on the walls thousands of years old. Never
had I seen anything more marvellous. There were statues too hewn
from marbles so pure and white, that I could not name them without a
catalogue. Suddenly she called upon us to ascend, what seemed to
be a huge spiral staircase. We followed, clinging for dear life to the
steps until we had reached a hideous height.
Come!" cried Hee, once more discarding her peignoir, and seizing
a huge pole that Bob (who said he was as dizzy as a couple of
tizzies") had carried for her, trod lightly and firmly across the frail
bridge, and in another second was standing safe upon a heaving rope!
Oh, the horror of the sight! I have always hated a great height,
but never before did I fully realise the dread horrors of which such a
position is capable. Oh, the sickening sensation of that yielding
rope—I grew dizzy, and thought I must fall. My spirit crept, but 1
passed over in safety. Then came Pongo's turn, and though he
looked rather queer, he came across like a rope-dancer, and I heard
her say, " Bravely done, my love,—bravely done I The old Greek
spirit lives in thee yet!"
And now only poor Bob (better than a clown, as he was worth
three "Joeys") remained, but he was so quaintly comic in his
hideous terror that the fun of the thing proved a welcome relief to
the varying humours of the unconventional entertainment.
Shortly afterwards we descended in safety on the other side, and
found ourselves in some park-like grounds. It had now grown quite
dark.
" Where are we now ? " asked Pongo.
" This place, with its grounds, my Kitjzkranxie, people'name the
House of,Glass. Listen !"
We heard a grinding or crushing noise—a noise so awe-inspiring,
that we all trembled, and Bob (with a Robert-like jerk) sank to his
knees—and then there flamed out an awful cloud or pillar of fire,
like a rainbow, many-coloured, and like the lightning bright.
" O-oh.'" we exclaimed, astounded at the wonderful sight. This
magnificent display was several times repeated. Now we saw green,
now blue, now red coloured light.
" The works of fire are over," said Hee, at length,',1' and the time
has come for my last feat."
She sank upon a seat, and covered herself from head to foot in the
peignoir.
"Oh, look.'—look!—look!" shrieked Bob (white as silver), in a
shrill falsetto of terror, his eyes nearly dropping out of his head, and
foam upon his lips. "Look!—look!—
look ! She's disappearing! "
I never saw anything like it! When
we removed the peignoir, only the seat
remained. Hee had completely dis-
appeared.
"The Vanishing Lady!" shouted
Pongo.
And overcome with the extremity of
horror, we too fell on the sandy floor of
that dread place and swooned away.
*****
We got back safely to Cambridge,
and that is the end of this history, so
far as it concerns science and the outside
world. But I feel that the other end is
not reached yet. A story that began
more than two thousand years ago, may
stretch a long way (in newer volumes)
" The Wheelbarrow Man." into the dim and distant future.
To Equestrians.—The bit most useful for holding a horse,
specially in Town, is—the Threepenny Bit.
OUR ADVERTISERS.—PUZZLING- AND OTHER.
EASY COMPETITION.—Prizes of -5s. and 2s. 6d. respectively
are offered for the two best Poems, in Twelve Cantos, on the
subject of "The Athletic Drawing Room Proclivities of the Early
Chinese Emperors," arriving first immediately after the appearance
of the above advertisement. Enclose one shilling in stamps.—Rev.
J. K., Catchem Priory, Grit-on-the-Slyde. _
TABBERLOVIDW1LLYONSTROCKAKOWSKY. — Give ten
•J Biblical Names, using all these letters in each. _ Enclose 2s. 6d.
entrance fee, and Solicitor's name in case of dissatisfaction. Prize
optional—The Brixton High Art Genuine Puzzle Company._
EQUIVALENT TO £500 IN MONEY is offered, in the shape
of a Eire-escape in fair condition,' together with 96 feet of
Hose only slightly leaky, and the boiler of a Pumping-Engine, by a
Clergyman anxious to dispose of them for a Charity, for the best
synopsis of the lives of the Archhiehops of York and Canterbury who
have been noted for their dancing of the national Hornpipe. P.O.
for Is. and P.O. for result—Rural Dean, Vicarage, Grabover.
GENEALOGICAL PRIZES.—Prizes, 2s. 6d., Is. 6d., and Is.
"My grandfather's great grandmother's sister, married my
maternal aunt's great uncle. What relation would their second cousin
by marriage be to my brother's solicitor's posthumous step-son? " The
above prizes will be awarded for the three most successful answers to
the above. Enclose 3s. fee and directed post-card to K., 119, Bunglers'
Road, Muddlesborough.
QUITE GENUINE—EASY COMPETITION. A THOUSAND
GUINEAS.—Second line of the popular ballad of "Who
killed Cock Robin?" The sender of the first envelope, en-
closing a correct answer to the above and one shilling in stamps,
opened by the'advertiser after the appearance of this advertisement
will receive a cheque for the aforenamed sum by return of post. No
disqualifications. No references.—Clipper, Post-office, Smokeleigh.
MY KITCHEN BOILER IS OUT OF ORDER."-Most English
words will be found in this, and any competitor who encloses
a P.O. for one shilling and makes as many as he can of it, will have
a chance of sharing whatever remains of the receipts, after paying the
£15 17s. 6d. which is required for its repair. This is a bond fide adver-
tisement. Beware of frauds.—Honesty, Blurtem Cottages, Strateway.
GREAT PRIZE.COMPETITION.—£150 to be gained in the shape
of (1), A second-hand Steam-roller (slightly damaged) ; (2), A
Highly trained and Performing Hippopotamus, with red hot pinching
irons and double spring hook whip (fortraining) complete; and (3), Odd
Volumes of a valuable Cyclopaedia, embracing the portion from M—T
to X—N inclusive, lately the property of a literary Duke. The above
will be awarded to the three best poems in blank verse of sixty lines
in length, descriptive of an ascent in the lift at the Army and Navy
Stores.—Enclose 5s. to Filcher & Co., Blinders' Buildings, Pocketham.
JAM.—Prizes of 20s., 15s., 10s., and 5s., offered to four first
correct answers, giving greatest number of words out of above,
received by return of post. Nuttall's heavy black type folio as
Reference Dictionary. Forward Is. in stamps ; 6d. more for full
particulars of failure.—Blinks. 192, High Street, Dodgington.
REAT NOVELTY.—Circus Competition.—A Prize of £1000
and £500 respectively will be given for the two best Per-
formances on a bare-backed steed. Entrance Fee, Is. Subscribers
will be expected to bring their own Cab-horse with them. Particulars
as to site of trial, which will be in a suburban Square, will be fur-
nished in full on the receipt of Fee, as above.—J orum, Junker's
Post Office, Barking Flats
ABROKEN DOWN POKER PLAYER who has been turned out
of most of the third-rate Gambling Hells of Europe, is
anxious to meet with a party well up in the ms and outs of Competition
Advertising, with a view to doing a little mutual business in that
line with him. One or two new dodges to offer. No references
required or given. As the Advertiser presumes the main business
consists in collaring the entire receipts without giving a quid pro
quo, he fancies he could throw out some valuable hints to a
thoroughly enterprising collaborateur.—Address Hocus, Post Office,
Filchington,
MATHEMATICAL COMPETITION.-£l, 10s., 5s„ and 2s.
offered to the fust.four successful arrivals with the answe
6(7.
^ answer to
the problem, of What does two and two make ?" Note.—That to
accommodate the rush of correspondents, the dust-bin has been fitted
up as a letter-box. Milkman comes round at six, but the house may
be invaded at any Iwur. The earlier the better. Be sure to enclose
Is. in_stamps.—Z. Y., 194, Trickham Road, Holloway, N.E
THE INFANT CONSOLATION PRIZE.-The Gentleman who
had charge of this competition, having unfortunately suddenly
disappeared with the entire proceeds, the Advertiser is reluctantly
compelled to announce to inquiring competitors that the matter must
now be regarded as definitely closed.
" Behold the mysteries of M'dme Too Sdr," she exclaimed. " Look
not so frighted, 0 my Tree-Goose. I tell thee I deal not in magic—
there is no such thing. And now for some more light. Thou wilt
presently understand."
In a moment some of the mutes seized the oldest of the figures,
and made them flame. They burned like waxworks !
" I promised thee a strange sight, my Good-as-Beerbohh Tree,"
laughed ASs-ish, whose nerves did not seem to be affected, and
immediately joined in a wild can-can with the mutes.
Overwhelmed at the extraordinary spectacle, I fell into a swoon,
and saw no more!
Chapter III.—The House made of Glass.
When I came to myself I found that Hee had made arrangements
with Pongo and Bob (rather twelve pence-sive) to visit a new place not
many miles from the land of M'dme Too Sor, and that we were even
then threading the streets of houses of those long since dead. And here
my pen fails me. To give a story of measurements and details of the
various courts would only be wearisome. It is enough to say I saw
where ancient Romans, and ancient Greeks, and ancient Egyptians,
had dwelt, leaving records on the walls thousands of years old. Never
had I seen anything more marvellous. There were statues too hewn
from marbles so pure and white, that I could not name them without a
catalogue. Suddenly she called upon us to ascend, what seemed to
be a huge spiral staircase. We followed, clinging for dear life to the
steps until we had reached a hideous height.
Come!" cried Hee, once more discarding her peignoir, and seizing
a huge pole that Bob (who said he was as dizzy as a couple of
tizzies") had carried for her, trod lightly and firmly across the frail
bridge, and in another second was standing safe upon a heaving rope!
Oh, the horror of the sight! I have always hated a great height,
but never before did I fully realise the dread horrors of which such a
position is capable. Oh, the sickening sensation of that yielding
rope—I grew dizzy, and thought I must fall. My spirit crept, but 1
passed over in safety. Then came Pongo's turn, and though he
looked rather queer, he came across like a rope-dancer, and I heard
her say, " Bravely done, my love,—bravely done I The old Greek
spirit lives in thee yet!"
And now only poor Bob (better than a clown, as he was worth
three "Joeys") remained, but he was so quaintly comic in his
hideous terror that the fun of the thing proved a welcome relief to
the varying humours of the unconventional entertainment.
Shortly afterwards we descended in safety on the other side, and
found ourselves in some park-like grounds. It had now grown quite
dark.
" Where are we now ? " asked Pongo.
" This place, with its grounds, my Kitjzkranxie, people'name the
House of,Glass. Listen !"
We heard a grinding or crushing noise—a noise so awe-inspiring,
that we all trembled, and Bob (with a Robert-like jerk) sank to his
knees—and then there flamed out an awful cloud or pillar of fire,
like a rainbow, many-coloured, and like the lightning bright.
" O-oh.'" we exclaimed, astounded at the wonderful sight. This
magnificent display was several times repeated. Now we saw green,
now blue, now red coloured light.
" The works of fire are over," said Hee, at length,',1' and the time
has come for my last feat."
She sank upon a seat, and covered herself from head to foot in the
peignoir.
"Oh, look.'—look!—look!" shrieked Bob (white as silver), in a
shrill falsetto of terror, his eyes nearly dropping out of his head, and
foam upon his lips. "Look!—look!—
look ! She's disappearing! "
I never saw anything like it! When
we removed the peignoir, only the seat
remained. Hee had completely dis-
appeared.
"The Vanishing Lady!" shouted
Pongo.
And overcome with the extremity of
horror, we too fell on the sandy floor of
that dread place and swooned away.
*****
We got back safely to Cambridge,
and that is the end of this history, so
far as it concerns science and the outside
world. But I feel that the other end is
not reached yet. A story that began
more than two thousand years ago, may
stretch a long way (in newer volumes)
" The Wheelbarrow Man." into the dim and distant future.
To Equestrians.—The bit most useful for holding a horse,
specially in Town, is—the Threepenny Bit.
OUR ADVERTISERS.—PUZZLING- AND OTHER.
EASY COMPETITION.—Prizes of -5s. and 2s. 6d. respectively
are offered for the two best Poems, in Twelve Cantos, on the
subject of "The Athletic Drawing Room Proclivities of the Early
Chinese Emperors," arriving first immediately after the appearance
of the above advertisement. Enclose one shilling in stamps.—Rev.
J. K., Catchem Priory, Grit-on-the-Slyde. _
TABBERLOVIDW1LLYONSTROCKAKOWSKY. — Give ten
•J Biblical Names, using all these letters in each. _ Enclose 2s. 6d.
entrance fee, and Solicitor's name in case of dissatisfaction. Prize
optional—The Brixton High Art Genuine Puzzle Company._
EQUIVALENT TO £500 IN MONEY is offered, in the shape
of a Eire-escape in fair condition,' together with 96 feet of
Hose only slightly leaky, and the boiler of a Pumping-Engine, by a
Clergyman anxious to dispose of them for a Charity, for the best
synopsis of the lives of the Archhiehops of York and Canterbury who
have been noted for their dancing of the national Hornpipe. P.O.
for Is. and P.O. for result—Rural Dean, Vicarage, Grabover.
GENEALOGICAL PRIZES.—Prizes, 2s. 6d., Is. 6d., and Is.
"My grandfather's great grandmother's sister, married my
maternal aunt's great uncle. What relation would their second cousin
by marriage be to my brother's solicitor's posthumous step-son? " The
above prizes will be awarded for the three most successful answers to
the above. Enclose 3s. fee and directed post-card to K., 119, Bunglers'
Road, Muddlesborough.
QUITE GENUINE—EASY COMPETITION. A THOUSAND
GUINEAS.—Second line of the popular ballad of "Who
killed Cock Robin?" The sender of the first envelope, en-
closing a correct answer to the above and one shilling in stamps,
opened by the'advertiser after the appearance of this advertisement
will receive a cheque for the aforenamed sum by return of post. No
disqualifications. No references.—Clipper, Post-office, Smokeleigh.
MY KITCHEN BOILER IS OUT OF ORDER."-Most English
words will be found in this, and any competitor who encloses
a P.O. for one shilling and makes as many as he can of it, will have
a chance of sharing whatever remains of the receipts, after paying the
£15 17s. 6d. which is required for its repair. This is a bond fide adver-
tisement. Beware of frauds.—Honesty, Blurtem Cottages, Strateway.
GREAT PRIZE.COMPETITION.—£150 to be gained in the shape
of (1), A second-hand Steam-roller (slightly damaged) ; (2), A
Highly trained and Performing Hippopotamus, with red hot pinching
irons and double spring hook whip (fortraining) complete; and (3), Odd
Volumes of a valuable Cyclopaedia, embracing the portion from M—T
to X—N inclusive, lately the property of a literary Duke. The above
will be awarded to the three best poems in blank verse of sixty lines
in length, descriptive of an ascent in the lift at the Army and Navy
Stores.—Enclose 5s. to Filcher & Co., Blinders' Buildings, Pocketham.
JAM.—Prizes of 20s., 15s., 10s., and 5s., offered to four first
correct answers, giving greatest number of words out of above,
received by return of post. Nuttall's heavy black type folio as
Reference Dictionary. Forward Is. in stamps ; 6d. more for full
particulars of failure.—Blinks. 192, High Street, Dodgington.
REAT NOVELTY.—Circus Competition.—A Prize of £1000
and £500 respectively will be given for the two best Per-
formances on a bare-backed steed. Entrance Fee, Is. Subscribers
will be expected to bring their own Cab-horse with them. Particulars
as to site of trial, which will be in a suburban Square, will be fur-
nished in full on the receipt of Fee, as above.—J orum, Junker's
Post Office, Barking Flats
ABROKEN DOWN POKER PLAYER who has been turned out
of most of the third-rate Gambling Hells of Europe, is
anxious to meet with a party well up in the ms and outs of Competition
Advertising, with a view to doing a little mutual business in that
line with him. One or two new dodges to offer. No references
required or given. As the Advertiser presumes the main business
consists in collaring the entire receipts without giving a quid pro
quo, he fancies he could throw out some valuable hints to a
thoroughly enterprising collaborateur.—Address Hocus, Post Office,
Filchington,
MATHEMATICAL COMPETITION.-£l, 10s., 5s„ and 2s.
offered to the fust.four successful arrivals with the answe
6(7.
^ answer to
the problem, of What does two and two make ?" Note.—That to
accommodate the rush of correspondents, the dust-bin has been fitted
up as a letter-box. Milkman comes round at six, but the house may
be invaded at any Iwur. The earlier the better. Be sure to enclose
Is. in_stamps.—Z. Y., 194, Trickham Road, Holloway, N.E
THE INFANT CONSOLATION PRIZE.-The Gentleman who
had charge of this competition, having unfortunately suddenly
disappeared with the entire proceeds, the Advertiser is reluctantly
compelled to announce to inquiring competitors that the matter must
now be regarded as definitely closed.