Punch (94.1888)

Februaey 4, 1888 ] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHAPJVAKI.

49

THE LETTER-BAG OF TOBY M.P.

Fbom Mb. Sp-kek.

Sandy, Beds. Saturday.

ear Toby,

Obdeb, Order! J'suppose as
■we are now on the eve"of the Ses-
sion, and you will have other affairs
to occupy your time and attention,
the Letter - Bag will shortly be
closed. But before you pull the
string, allow me to drop in a brief
note. The Speaker of the House
of Commons is, after all, human—
or, as H-ec-bt might say if he
filled the Chair, in some respects
human. In deference to this weak-
ness, I feel a peculiar pleasure in
addressing you among all the 670
Members of the House. If they
were all like you, dear Toby,_ what
/ W ^^M!lTfa»MI!fl4Ufl]SS1tfl(l8 ^ I a I"aTa<iise would reign within our
fi ^—^wWIwf^PfwH four walls! Never since Barkshire

"iliJs 'teaMs**' (Jid i-tself honour by returning you.

have I once had occasion to suspend
you. (Excuse me ; hut I suppose, if in the troublous times ahead of us such a
misfortune came to pass, I should have to seize you by the tail ?) Never once
have you moved the adjournment of the House, delivered a prosy speech, ques-
tioned the decision of the Chair, or behaved otherwise than as a model Member
of Parliament. I wish there were more like you.

But there are not, and we must take things as we find them. They have
been pretty lively since I first sat in the Chair, and from all portents they are
likely to be still more so in the Session that opens next week. I observe that
Mr. P-bn-ll has been advising his Young Men to avoid obstruction and adopt
mannerly ways. That is all very well for Mr. P-bn-ll, who has pleasantly

Eassed the recess far from political strife. But I can well understand some of
is compatriots asking whether, because Mr. P-bn-ll has not been in prison,
there shall he no more cakes and ale? W-ll-m O'Bb-jt fresh from his plank
bed, T. D. S-ll-v-n just freed from gentler restrictions, and Mr. P-ne tired of
hanging like M-h-m-t's coffin between heaven and earth, are likely to take
another view of the situation. In and out of the Chair these fifteen years, I
know very well what it is for a Leader of a Party to discountenance obstruction,
and what effect it has upon the course of business. Sir St-ff-bd N-bthc-te,
when he led the Conservative Party, was honestly opposed to obstruction. But
that did not prevent Gbandolph and his_ merry men stopping all progress.
Gl-dst-he is equally shocked at the adoption of any means of obstruction less
subtle than the occupation of two hours in saying what might well have been
uttered in twenty minutes. Bat, apart from the Irish Members, the Sage of
Queen Anne's Gate and some other Members who sit in that part of the House,
are certainly not to be accused of docility in following their titular leader.

B-lf-b is the only man who has a practical schtme on hand for combating
obstruction. Of oourse if one by one the most truculent of the Irish Members
are cast into prison, the available forces of obstrnction in the House of Commons
must be diminished. Sir B-yle R-che had not this particular illustration in
his mind when he made his famous declaration. But the application holds
equally good. B-lf-b has done his best, the only sign of maladroitness about
his proceeding being in the somewhat indiscreet haste with which it was
inaugurated. If Irish Members are sent to spend their Christmas Day in prison,
under sentences of two months' confinement, it is clear that their appearance in
the House of Commons oannot be postponed long after the commencement of the
Session. It is not for me even to hint at counsel in so delicate a matter. I am
not responsible for the Chief Secretary's action, and am called upon neith.tr to
approve it nor to disapprove it. But, viewed in connection with the question of

obstruction, there is evidently a chronological error at
the basis of Mr. B-lf-b's proceedings. _ But he is young
and ardent, and experience may bring its lessons.

I daresay you will be glad to hear that I approach the
new Session in renewed health and I need hardly add,
with indomitable spirit. I am glad to be able to add
that Sm-th, who looked in the other day, is also ready
for his work. He has just returned from Pan, which
he was a little surprised to find is, after all, not a river.
Otherwise his mind preserves its customary serenity. He
tells me that on some rare occasions, when there was
smooth water in the Mediterranean, he practised a new
pounce, which he believes will prove effective in pre-
serving the discipline of the House and supporting the
dignity of the Chair. He wanted to take his coat off and
show me how it was done, but I decided to defer the
pleasure. I would rather share in the surprise which
awaits the House.

On the whole I am glad that Sm-th's removal to
another place has been deferred. Of course if he had
gone B-lf-b would have come along, and that in some
particulars is not a pleasant prospect. It is a very small
matter, and to you who sit on the other side of the
House with the view partially obscured by the Table,
it will be hardly comprehensible, but the fact is I could
not face without disturbance the prospect of having
B-lf-b's legs in close proximity throughout a long sitting.
It is bad enough when it is part of his game of aggra-
vation to absent himself from the House as much as
possible, more particularly at the hour when Irish Mem-
bers want to put questions. If he were Leader of the
House he must perforce be in his place for something
like six parts of a ten-hours' sitting, and 1 am afraid I
could not stand it. It is impossible to convey to you a
full sense of the mental torture suffered after many
hours' strained attention to debate by the recurrent in-
trusion of apprehension of what B-lf-b will next do
with his legs. Whether he will ever succeed in his life-
long attempt to kick Gl-dst-ne under the table, is a
familiar question I shrink from recalling in these days
of recess. Even now I tremble when I think of the
possible apparition in the course of debate of the feet of
the Leader of the House on the Table. It is not fair
that the already overburdened President of an assembly
like the House of Commons should be freighted with
petty cares of this kind, and I hope that Sm-th will stop
where he is.

I envy brother H-mpd-u the great advantage of having
had D-zzr so long the Leader of the House whilst he sat
in the Chair. Long before I had any notion that the
matter would have a personal interest for me, I have
from the Front Opposition Bench watched D-z'zy in his
place—the folded arms, the_ crossed legs, with the coat-
tails brought forward placidly covering the knees, the
downcast head, the half-closed eyes. There was a soothing
assistant to the Speakeb in the discharge of his irritating
duties. The effigy of a Crusader supine on a tombstone
does not come more nearly to the beau ideal of a Leader
of the House as seen from the Speaker's Chair, than did
D-sb-li. Gb-nd-lph when he was Leader, in his
comical way reoalled this picture which he, too. had often
seen. He occasionally did it all, even to the orderly
arrangement of the coat-tails, wrestling with himself,
often ineffectually, to prevent his hands going up to
curl his moustache. As for Gl-dst-ne he was most
embarrassing. One had always to be on the look out for
his sudden incursion. Sm-th was an improvement in
despite of his tendency to pounce. But B-lf-b would
be worse than an appreciable addition to the lri=h
representation.

I mention these things, as probably in reviewing the
difficulties of the position of a Speaker, they never
occurred to you. When you come to sit in the Chair—
a position that may perhaps hereafter be forced upon you
—you will understand all.

The Clerk will now proceed to read the Orders of the
Day, so no more at present from

Yours faithfully, Aoith-e P-l.

One for the Force.

Bobby too open to the furtive " tip " ?

How can the world malign in such a manner r
Although self-offered to the Peeler's grip, ,,

'Tis plain a "Copper " will not take a " Tanneb. '

VOL. XCIT.