Punch (94.1888)

May 12, 1888.] " PUNCH. OR THE LONDON CHARIVAEI

217

The band is under the guidanoe— under the thumb—of the composer
THE THEATRE OF THE FUTURE! himself; it is out of sight, it is out of mind. It is mechanical. It

-- will be The Wonder of the Musical Age,

Sib — Don't let Professor Hebkomeb and Mr. W 8. Gilbebt think and the £&ct h ag of the hand of one ma8teJ..miad playing ^
that their notions are new and original as to_ building theatres ana the indumenta. As I compose my own music I know what this will

lighting stages. be "piaudite."' But on their own merits modest men are dumb,
and if I said more you would begin to shrewdly suspect that I had
some ulterior design in appraising my own wares.

Real Sun, Moon, Staes.
Light diffused, dispersed. Heal Light. How this is managed is
my secret. I will only hint at it thus :—" Sound " can be bottled
up (that is how I manage my real thunder, and rain and hail,—I am
now sampling several bottles of good sound thunder)—well, so can
light. It is very easy for those who know how to do it, as I do, to get
a supply of Bottled Lightning

_forked and summer—to be sent to any part of the oountry. Now

while I use artificial light for the auditorium, I use real light,
bottled sunlight, moonlight, starlight—fog mixture, mist mixture,
and so forth, for the stage. Every effect will be regulated by the

" touch-the-button system."

I will not further trespass on your space. I think it necessary
thus to protect my rights. I have not mentioned the manufacture of
applause—nor the Intelligence department, also mechanical, for the
use of the audience. Another time. But I am yours- ever for ever,
The Match, Kolney. INI(Jo A. Busteb

lighting

Long ago, I drew
out designs for a
theatre, which
every expert who
had the privilege
of inspecting pro-
nounced

Simply Perfect.
The auditorium
will be lighted by
infinitesimal jets
of the incandes-
cent electric light
so craftily con-
trived that no one
canpossiblymake
out where the
light comes from,
and, to speak
lightly, the audi-
ence will be en-
tirely in the dark
on the subject.
There is no heat;
the ventilation is
so managed that
on the coldest day
in winter, or on

sunim tu *ne warmest in

the sp V can De no perceptible change in the temperature. All
riillttSlf8 80 contrived that everyone oan enter and leave the audito-
Without causing the slightest inoonvenience to his neighbours.
no Thebe abe no Box-keepbbs,

refreshment people; no hat and cloak nuisances;

0 All is Done by Machineby
-in-a-penny-and-take-out-a-chocolate" principle applied

matia h en*'8' ^ats' "oats, &o. Daring the day the box-office is

TV, „ m *ne same mechanical manner.

Aaere can b« „
as on th N° Dangee 0¥ Fihe'

topieo ^^.htest alarm the entire theatre will oome to pieces—[as
a button °01njng to the entire theatre, more anon]—by anyone touching
The Tn centre of the seat in which he happens to be sitting,

sole int6 *-e bein& bailt on the "Revolving Wing" principle (my
notice a n'' can be literally turned inside out at a moment's
ooliaDao l -i80 e wel1 aired and dusted. There is a sliding roof whioh
bron d-u 6 an umbrella when required so to do. Everybody is

5Ul UP and down by a series of
^Automatic Lifts,

lowest «t lP 8allery is therefore as accessible, without crush, as the
in the r ^is is a distinct advantage. Refreshments are brought
has mpl6 manner by Dumb waiters ; the visitor to the auditorium
lemonad7 to touch a button labelled tea, coffee, ices, oranges,
him -whl °r wnat not' at the back of his fauteuil, and there is before
PrevimT.1 Ter be requires—the amount in payment having been

Win 7 dr°PPed into the slit labelled with the tariff of prices,
opened -y weather the'1 revolving walls" will be utilised, and a passage
arranffpiti? tne Stalls to admit oarriages. In fact I have so
is the ai i a11 tne year round the stalls shall be oollapsible (this
°f from ?§ieat thinf? possible), and the space thus opened, to a depth
filtered » a to 16 ft- gradient, will be at once filled with the purest
boxes bp ■ "^ed water, at a delightful temperature, the private
seats at hP11? as dressing-rooms, so that persons waiting to take
crowd o box-office, where there will always be a considerable
bathin'o. aa .amuse themselves with water gymnastics, swimming,

The r"3, 80 f°rth.

entire theatre will be as capacious as
a ^ . St. Peteb's at Rome,

and thp^j1" if anything, to admit of certain novel stage-effects,
attemctpH 9tion of historical pieces on a scale hitherto never
space and °rVlf attempted. doomed to failure for want of adequate
of carrvi'n aPPllances, and, I may confidently add, of Genius capable

1 am + 0 a triumphal finish the designs which, after all, though
Michel* * Wel1 uPon this theme, only True Genius—of which
ttnlirmfp.???L0. nacl more than a mere spark —only True and

^^leQ Genius can originate. Then as to

Obchestba and Lighting.

" MEASURE EOR MEASURE."

Deae Mb. Punch,

I have been so greatly pleased and struck with Mr.
Donnelly's excellent discovery of Bacon s Cryptogram," that I
have taken the trouble to solve another for myself. Are you aware
that Mrs Cowden Claeke's Complete Concordance to Shakspeare
contains one? Probably not; and yet it does, and no doubt the
puzzle was inspired by the Bard of Avon himself. It is very
simple. All you have to do is to prepare two alphabets, and take
the proper number of words and lines. This is so easy that I will
not insult your intelligence by explaining to you how it is done."
Working out this plain problem, I have already made the following

Tumto page 191, and finding the third column, you must count
67 when you will come to " Don." Now go to page 527, and passing
vo'ur finger down the first column, vou soon arrive at " Nell." Add
"Don" to "Nell" and you get Donnell ; and m the very same
page you will find " Deputy." Take away the " y » from this last
word and add it to what you have already acquired, and there you
are_'" Donnelly "! Is this not extraordinary ?

But this is not all! Turn to page 681, and towards the end of the
second column you get " rounding Siciha is a so forth." Take away
the first two words and the last two words, and ' is a " remains.
Add what we have before, and now we obtain, Donnelly is a."
But after all this is not complete-it is a broken sentence. We must
add something more before we have a perfectly satisfactory result.
Well it is simple enough. All we have to do is to turn to page 271
(which is easily selected by a simple mathematical calculation), and
counting 3 from the bottom of the third column, we come to a
quotation from Love's Labour 's Lost which runs as follows:—" The
hedge-priest, the fool, and the boy. Noj add one word from this
line to Donnelly is a," and the mystery is solved. But what that
word should be I must leave to your readers sense of the appropriate
to discover. Yours enthusiastically,

'Much Ado about Nothing."

THE HARBINGER OE SPRING,

it'nine times. Boon uwi-«r«iuo uu i0oi, wim a, manitiui

heart. This is indeed a sign and a Harbinger of a really fine
Spring I „ Yours gladly,

Patee Familias Oenithologistus.
Private and confidential, by same post.
I know the Governor has been writing to the papers about hearing
the Cuckoo. Such a lark I I mean such a Cuckoo ! It was our old
nursery clock, which had been out of order for ever so long. Yester-
day, we got the Winder-up. who comes here once a week, to mend it,
and out came the Cuckoo. The Governor had his door open, and we
had ours open up-stairs at nine o'clock. That's what he heard.
But he's right about its being " a sign of a really fine spring." So
it is, for the Winder-up Baid it was a first-rate spring when he
mended it. Don't tell, only I don't want you to be gammoned.

Yours, Tommy.

vol. xcrv.