Punch (94.1888)

242 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Mat 28, 1888.

" RETRENCHMENT."

First Coster (in Trap). " We shall see you an' the Missus at Epsom as usual, BillI"

Second Ditto. "No; the Times ain't peepitious, 'Arry." (Shaking his head.) "No. Wi' Goschen a redooctn' the Old
"Woman's Marriage Settlement, and Bit o' Money in Consols, an' the extrys on Champagne,—not to say as the Mokk

MIGHT ARTERWARDS BE CHARGED a3 a PlEASURE-'ORSE,—an' the wheel-tax, an' ONE THING an' ANOTHER—it DON't RUN to it,
my Boy !! " [Retires ruefully.

April 8, Sunday.—After church, the Curate came back with us.
I sent Cabbie in to open front door, which we do not use exoept on
special occasions. 8he could not get it open, and, after all my
display, I had to take the Curate (whose name, by the bye, I did
not catch) round, the side entrance. He caught his foot in the scraper,
and tore the bottom of his trousers. Most annoying, as Careie could
not well offer to repair them on a Sunday. After dinner went to
sleep. Took a walk round the garden, and discovered a beautiful
spot for sowing mustard and cress, and radishes. "Went to Church
again in the evening; walked back with the Curate. Cabbie notioed
he had got on the same pair of trousers—only repaired.

A BALLAD OE A LATE OCCURBENCE.

To the Tune of " The Spanish Armada."
Lobd Wolseley spoke some trenchant words for one in his position,
For though a soldier straight and bold, he is no politician,
And what he said at dinner-time contained reflections sinister
Upon all sorts of Governments and every kind of Minister.
The things he said are often heard quite calmly by the nation,
For as a rule they don't enjov the Largest Circulation;
But now the Daily Telegraph exploited him and Ranger,
And told the world, in largest type, the country was in danger.
Though Wolseley can't bear politics, each sentence had a stab in it,
And caused much indignation to each member of the Cabinet;
And Salisbury, who of appeals sensational no lover is,
Was hurt that he had not been first apprised of these disooveries.
But what most vexed the Premier was the shocking want of grace of him,
To say these things behind his back, and not before the face of him.
And so to set the matter right, and make things straight and pleasant,
He said the nastiest things he could, when Wolseley wasn't present.
The country now was all agog, its Tadpoles and its Tapers,
And those who had no private views annexed one from the papers ;

But all allowed that now at last a crisis we were nearing,

And some for " extry-specials " went, and some for volunteering.

Some roundly blamed the Soldier bold, for jealous-minded men are all
As pleased as—not as Punch—to jibe at England's Only General;
And others didn't care a fig about their country's glory,
If they oould hurt a Government that happened to be Tory.

But hip, hooray I when Greek met Greek they showed how scandal's
tools lie,

For Salisbury vows 'twould break his heart to lose his gallant
Wolseley,

And hatchets fouled with party strife we all at duty's calls bury,
And Wolseley never said a word disparaging to Salisbury.

A_ New Discovery by Mbs. R.—" Well," said the good lady to
a friend, "I dare say, my dear, you'll laugh at me when I tell you
that till the other morning I never knew there were more equators
than one. And what's more, I hadn't an idea that when one of the
equators was out of use it could be lent or given to anyone by the
Government to whom it might belong. How did I find this out ?
This way: my nephew reads the foreign news in the Times to me
every day, and on Saturday last he read out, and wrote it down at
the moment:—' The Greeks still talk of expelling a Turkish Consul
from Greece, should the ex-equator be refused to him.' * I didn't say
a word to my nephew; but I'm going to write to the Astrologer
Royal about it, as I think public attention ought to be drawn to the
fact. The idea of a Turkish Consul having an ex-equator all to
himself, and then being angry because they wouldn't give it to him I
Why, it's like a child crying for the moon I "

* We have referred to the paper of that date. A very natural mistake, as
the word was " exequatur."—J3d.

In the St. James's Gazette the review of pictures headed " A Fire-
side Commentary," is not, as the title might imply, by Mr. Fubniss.