Punch (94.1888)

June 23, 1888 ] PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 289

HOUND THE FIRST; OR, GETTING DOWN TO AVOID.

Fragments of the Story of the Great Fight between the " Pugnacious Pump,'\and
" Bung's Novice"
»««»»*•

Amid Fistiana's old chronicles many a " mill" is recorded,

"Which to the Corinthian patrons of boxing much pleasure afcorded;

But seldom
the swells
of St. Ste-
p h e n s's
Ring have
found
greater ex-
citement
Than watch-
ing this last
merry mill,
for they
all were
aware what
the fight
meant.
"Bung's
Novice " is
young at
the sport,
but he's
known to
be game
as a spar-
row;

Has a right
that can
lark round
his man,
and a left

First Round. "Bung's Novice" "going down to avoid." that g°ss

straignt

W. S. Smith {the Bottle-holder). " Certainly, Sir." as an ar-

row;

He has shown unexpected good form, and the knowing ones readily backed him,
" "We pity the other," they cried, " when our Novice has met him and whacked

The " Pugnacious Pump " was a big 'un, but just a bit soft, so men muttered,
And aged and stale; so 'twas thought the young Novice might face him
unfluttered.

fwas true he'd a lump of a fist, and was long in the reach, and a smiter;
But then he was cockcrowy rather, a very bad sign in a fighter.
His temper was awfully nasty ; the Novice was cool and collected ;
And so it seemed skill against size, and a rattling good mill was expected.
*******

Tt oalls for Piesce Egan's old pen with a sort of a dash of Macauxay's,
lo worthily follow the fight from the moment they put up their mawleys.
J-he ' Pump " stripped a regular whopper, the " Novice " he peeled a bit forky,
£ut then he seemed quick as Jem Mace, and as light on his toes as old Corky,
■l-he ' Pump " had a rare crowd of backers, and oh, how they holloaed and
shouted!

We '11 back you, old boy, till all's Blue I " And they meant it, that's not to
be doubted. [cheery;
A slab-sided slommoeking chap was the " Pump," and his mug looked most
h,trifle smook-faced to be sure, but not the least puffy or beery,
i™ Novice" looked clean as a pin, and as hard and as game as a pebble ;
■But light—very light; his opponent's big bulk seemed his carcase to treble.
» * * * » « *

They spar for an opening. Bang! If, my Novice, your nose that had smitten
2* straight as the P. P. intended, I fear Mother Earth you'd have bitten !
ine Pump" swings his arms like a windmill. Smack I Not well in reach,
m, ..^t a whopper! ,
t m ,.-Novloe's " counters lack powder, but what a neat feinterand stopper!
^Ute Chaelie," he's all [round the ring; doesn't relish in-fighting, that s
certain;

"t>a ^?kt mouse on one eye, and the other has put up the curtain.
tV > t, ,mp'" weU> he won't be denied ; if he lands a fair spank on the dial,
Th8 !rS, y to be a knock-out; " so the "Novice" of caution makes trial;
jSi Q-""?P." is a terrible thumper, but is he the stoutest of stayers ?
uiose P Not if he knows it, our Novice. A wrinkle he takes from Tom Sayebs.
iJown easy, means down without damage ; a dodge that is often employed, boys;
■ana so when our Novice is pressed, he " gets cleverly down to avoid," boys I

'??0 Tory t..an be more Tory than are some of the Dissentient. Liberals,'
Bays the Daily News. Of course; the fact is No-toryous.1

LAT-IN FOB, A SPEECH !

The following letter was picked up last week in Trinity
College, Cambridge, shortly after the conferment of
honorary degrees on Prince Albebt Victoe, Lord Salis-
bury, and other distinguished personages. If it doesn't
speak for itself, Mr. Punch declines to speak for it. It
seems to be addressed to the Professor of Latin in'the
University:—

Dear Mayob,—Kindly look at the enclosed draft of my
forthcoming address in introducing the new L.L.D.'s to
the Chancellor. I want particularly to know if the Latin
is all correct—and of course you, from your official posi-
tion, are the right person to tell me that. I flatter myself
the address will cause a sensation; but. if you don't
approve, would you just send me a few hints as to what
you would say under the same distressing circumstances P
(N.B.—Don't put in too much Juvenal !) Tours,

St. John's Coll. J. E. S-nd-s.

NOBILISSIME CANCELLABI,

Pbimum eminentem Tumorem quern habeo pre-
sentare ad te est Princeps Albeetus Victoe, " Ingenui
vultus puer, ingenuique pudoris," ut dieit Latinum
Grammarium. (Query—How about the " puer " ?—will
this be thought cheek ? If so, please substitute some
other word.) Pater ejus est Princeps Bal^nabum, et
est facile princeps, primus inter pares, et e pluribus
unum. (Rather eloquent that, I fancy ?) Sumus teti
videre suam Regalem Altitudinem hie ad prsesens, et
essemus Jastiores si Alexandba (Query—Too familiar ?)
venisset eocum. (Better than " cum eo" ? Shows style.)

Secundus est Marquis Saiisbubh, Primus Ministrus.
Ilium recipio libenter, ut collegam mei, et f ratrem nam
ambo sumus oratores, ego Publicus, ille (I thought I'd
better bring in some allusion to the Licensing Clauses,
if possible) Publicanus I Nomen nobilis Marcujus est
celeberrimum. Igitur solum dicam de eo.—(I think it's
best to end up with a poetical quotation. Don't you ?)—
Tempora mutantur, nos et mutamur in illis.

Nunc, 0 Cancellarius, Randolphum Chuechtliium,
virum gravem, ad te introduco. Quum video nobilem
Marquem Salisbubxi et Randolphum in eodem loco, fio
enthusiastieus, et compellor exfrangere ut sequitur—
0 Gemini! (Any danger of people thinking this vulgar ?)
0 Magni Twin-Fratres I Quomodo speramus ut ante
longum tempus tu, Randolphs, rursus eris Membrum
Dominationis (rather neat for Government," eh?);
nam Campus (Query—good Latin for "the country" ?)
non potest progressere sine te. Non audeo decidere si
tu es optime aptatus (" fitted "—Latin again?) esse
Cancellarius Exehequeri, Indicus Scriba, Domesticus
Scriba, Dominator-Generalis, vel potius Premier. Ego-
met (query—conceited ?) sum inciinatus dicere ut
omnes hi loci, eodem tempore, sunt tuns proprius spherus,
et tu, probabiliter, putas eandem rem. Nemo alius est
tarn modestus, tarn eminente consistens, tarn dootus, et
tarn courteosus ad opponentes. Ut poeta canit.
Ibam forte via. Sacra, sicut meus est mos.

In conclusione,'tu potes dicere de Parliamentariis bellis,
Quorum pars magna fui 1
(would " pars quarta " do better ?) cum veritate.

Hie est (query—bald P) Earlus Rosebeeii. Nesoio
quia ITniversitas gaudet honorare eum, sed sine dubio est
pro ejus profunda doetrina. Habet elegantem oratori-
eum stylum, et olim fuit ludorum patronus (can't get
any nearer to " sportsman"„ than this—not bad, eh?
Now for a tag of poetry)— q ubi Campi

(i.e. the fields of horses, you see!)

Speroheusque {Ascot) et viTginibus bacchata Lactenis

Taygete (Goodwood—xchy not f)!

Goschenus est proximus, " inexorabilis, acer" custos
publicarum divitiarum. Ut Sallustius habet id, "De
non largiundo gloriam adeptus est."

Alios graves viros, 0 Cancellari, introduco simul, et sine
plure Latino—(0 fortunati nimium, sua si bona norint!)
—ut non possum producere aptas quotationes omnes dies
longa. Ut Hoeatius dicit—

Quid Cantabridgioe f aciam ? Mentiri nesoio.
{I.e., I can't go on exaggerating their virtues for ever
—does this sound churlish f Then I should end up with
about ten lines out of the Prosody or the Gradus,—
nobody'11 notice them, and they'll sound learned. ! Tell
me what you think of the above, candidly.)

vol, xctv.