Punch (95.1888)

12

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[July 7, 1888.

and the sitting to end in Count Out. Joke spoiled by Members rushing
in from dining-room, '' their mouths full of cabbage and contradiction,"
as Sydney Smith said of Hallam when he came upon him at a
dinner-party. Later, Saundebson got on. Made things more
lively. Colonel been a nui-
sance all night to Member
sitting near him with his sub
dued cries of ''Whirroo
and his twirling a lead
round in his fingers, a
were a shillelagh. Couldn'
hold him in any longe:
at Eleven o'Clock, took
coat, stepped down on 1
before Irish Members, and
space of an hour walked
and down, trailing his co
shouted at the Irishmen
top of his voice ;
answered back
with shrieks and
yells. Quite a
pity when mid-
night struck, and
Debate stood ad-
journed.

Business done.
■—Vote of Censure
moved.

We dnes day,
1 a.m.— Over at
last Division bell
ringing; Mem- "Whirroo!"
bers, recovering from comatose state, staggering out into division
lobbies as men half-dazed. What a night we've had to be sure !
O'Brien began it with speech an hour long. Better have been forty
minutes. But mercifully moderate compared with what followed.
Chaplin, not to be outdone by Irish Member, spoke for over an
hour; then Gladstone for an hour and forty minutes. Next thin
end of the Gedge modestly inserted during blank dinner-hour. Then
Balfour for two hours and ten minutes; and, finally, Sextos", for
as long as House would listen to him.

Partington spent miserable time for last forty-eight hours with
speech laboriously prepared. Harcourt sat on Front Bench all night
big with impromptus, packed to his boots with repartees. Wind Bag

Sexton appeared on scene
with his perpetual smile of
ineffable scorn, his illimitable
waste of words. Habtington
and Harcourt mutually re-
solved to sacrifice their
speeches. Sexton sure to go
on till morning. And he did.
Pleased beyond measure with
himself. So wrapped up in charms
of own eloquence didn't notice that
Balfour after first three-quarters
of an hour had slunk away. Went
on with same irritating everlasting
smile, pointing finger of scorn at
unoffending Old Morality, who
had incautiously dropped in Chief
Secretary's vacant seat.

Speech of the evening decidedly
O'Brien's ; volcanic in its energy;
vitriolic in its bitterness ; irresis-
tible in its marshalling of facts
and arguments; bold and feli-
citous m its illustrations. Pity
the greater part of it was delivered
at top of his voice, creating circle
of stone deafness within imme-
diate area. Gestures terrific, and
No gestures! " dangerous to personal safety of

Members sitting underneath. But
speech finely conceived, inimitably phrased, good enough to com-
pensate for these remedial drawbacks.

" Enn-go-Bragh ! " cried Plunket, momentarily falling into his
native tongue, m admiration of compatriot's native eloquence.
'' Splendid! But reminds me of what Curran said of Grattan, that
he used to scrape the ground with his knuckles as he bowed in speak-
ing, and thanked God he had no peculiarities of gesture."
Business done.—Vote of Censure rejected by 366 votes against 273.
Wednesday Afternoon—-Doctor Grandolph, D.C.L., turned up.
Not been here much since Degree conferred on him. Bather expected

he'd appear in cap and gown. But same now as when he was General
Grandolph, V.C., or Lord High Admiral Grandolph, K.C.B.
Modesty still his guiding star. Dropped in quietly, and, as far as
possible, unobserved. Channel Tunnel _ Debate on. Gladstone
supported Second Beading of Bill. A little awkward that Doctor
Grandolph should be shareholder in concern. But trifles in the way
of logical difficulties never insuperable. When he became a share -
holder was in private capacity. In opposing scheme in Commons he
appears as a Statesman. Gladstone takes other side. Delightful to
see Dr. Grandolph gently shaking ferrule at Old Boy • laments
his deficiency of knowledge respecting military and naval matters.
On the whole not in bloodthirsty mood. Old Boy let off very gently.

Early evidence of the Doctor's new erudition displayed in lavish
quotation. Taken a leaf out of Old Mo-
rality's copybook. "Let well alone," ob-
served the Doctor just now, with look of
supernatural wisdom. "Better is the enemy
of Good," he added, byway of peroration.

"Yes," said Old Morality, _ unusually
moved by this audacious incursion on his
copyhold, " and Imitation is the sincerest
Flattery."

Bill thrown out by rattling majority.
But Watkin not a bit disheartened.

"Wonderful man!" said the G. 0. M.
" Fancy I shall live to make him a Peer
yet. Dover Pierage of course. Shall sug-
gest the title Lord Tannel-Chunnel."

Business done.—Channel Tunnel Bill re-
jected by 307 Votes against 165.

Thursday.—Lively debate on Sunday
Closing Clause of Local Government Bill.
Government propose to drop it. Harcourt,
who might have slated Clause had. Govern-
ment stuck to it, now protests it is best
part of the Bill. Can't part with it on any
account. Incidentally birches Caine. Ring (/r,y
immediately cleared. Heavy weights, about \J*
same height, and fairly matched. Conversa-
tion most edifying. Loi'd Tannel-Chunnel.
"Yah! " cries Harcourt.—" Boo ! " says Caine.
" Get 'long with yer Barrow! " says Harcourt.
" Uncle PumMechoofo," roars Caine, who is a student of Punch.
"Where did you borrow your Latin grammar ? " jeers Harcourt.
"Political lurcher!" cries Member for Barrow, and Harcourt
retires with this brand of Caine red on his massive brow.

Wilfrid Lawson gave genial turn to debate by dropping into
familiar Latin quotation. Turned out,^ to amusement of House, that
in this respect Wilfrid's strong point is quality not quantity. Timeo
Danaos et dona ferentes, was his way of putting it.

"The long and short of it is-" said Wilfred, summing up.

" That you put the long where the short otight to be," said Bryce.
But Wilfrid not to be daunted. Immediately after dragged in
another, even more familiar, tag.

" Cave canem.'" he said, looking at Caine.
" That's Dog Latin, eh, Toby P " said_ Henry James.
Business done.—Licensing Clauses omitted from Local Government
Bill. In this way we 're getting along quite nicely with the Bill.

House of Lords, Friday.—Our Only General at it again. Wemyss
made a back for him, with wordy Resolution raising question of
National Defences. Our Only took it flying, jumping on Geobgie
Hamilton, whom he accused of making "wild, extravagant, mis-
leading statements on subject of vital importance to nation." The
Dook to the front again, apologising for having created scare, and
explaining away his intentions.

Fact is, Toby," he said, when it was over, "it's my personal
appearance that's against me. Can't help looking warlike and fierce.
My martial bearing strikes terror into casual observer. I must dis-
semble." Wemyss's Motion utterly ignored in course of debate.
Nobody said word for it, or against it. So Lords, always, polite,
made up for slight by accepting it.
Business done.—Local Government Bill in Commons.

History Repeats Itself, with variations,—as may be seen in the
Wood v. Cox case. What will remain in men's minds long after
other details of the trial have been forgotten will be the Duke
of Poetland's confidentially free-and-easy communication, which,
like Lord John Russell's celebrated Epistle in the "Papal Aggres-
sion" time, will be known as " The Durham Letter."

Con. for Casuists.—-If "the Receiver is as bad as the Thief," as
proverbially affirmed, is it less " s'candalously irregular" to buy a
" surreptitiously obtained official document" than to sell it ?

The Prussian Diet.—German Sausages.

NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any aiLcrirtio^, will
in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped end Addressed Envelope, Cover, or 'Wrapper.'. To this rule
there will be no exception.