Punch (95.1888)

is PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [July u, isss.

THE " CENTIPEDE."

A new flexible, patent-jointed, vertebral outrigger. (seen—and drawn—by OUR artist (the festive One), after an
unusually scrumptious lunch on board a house-boat at henley.)

OUR "MUTUAL FRIEND."

The projected visit of the Emperor of Germany
to the Czar 19 (says the Times Paris Correspondent)
" considered to be a guarantee of peace, in view of
the present disposition manifested bv the young
Emperor, which must be accepted as sincere."

Peace loquitur:—
Must be accepted ! "Well, I'm sure I'm
willing

To hail the slightest reason for such trust,
Although the flaunting war-hosts Europe
filling

Hay somewhat mar the optimistic "must";
A guarantee of Peace ? I' ve known so many;

And who will guarantee the guarantors ?
The Emperor, old or young, must be a zany
Who yearns for wanton wars.

A zany, yes! But then my ardont lovers,—
And all men are so, if you trust their words—
when my dove Hies and when War's raven
hovers,

Are so) much given to confuse the birds.
Strange! Emperors pray for me, and poets
bless me

Most earnestly when most prepared to fight,
And those who seem most eager to caress me
Are readiest to smite.

Still, I'd fain hope that "present disposition,"
May be perpetuated. Ah, young Prince !

Of warrior-worship you've made exhibition,
Proud passion for '' my Army " you evince.

Ardent, spontaneous seems that youthful
passion.

I wonder now whether your love for me
Is a soul-fervour or a mere speech-fashion.
Well, we shall shortly see.

And you, my Autocrat, austere and restless,
They say you love me with a burning love ;

You would not see it wandering perchless,
nestless,

My white-winged harbinger, my gentle
dove;

The vision of the Shipka horrors haunts you ?

The trump of Armageddon lures not you ?
Well, if the prospect of my rule enchants you,
I hold it to your view.

The stricken sire, the aged grandsire vanished,
Here comes Germania's youthful heir and
hope. _ [ished,
Were War's grim spectre not securely ban-

If, not in hollow phrase or canting trope,
But in plain speech of honest men, you greeted
Me, and struck hearty hands in my defence,
Whilst down the wind War's carrion-bird
fast fleeted.

Death-struck by faith and sense ?

Say, shall I make a third, get welcome ready ?
Shall there be faithful bond between us
three ?

If our accord were full, our union steady,
That would be something like a " gua-
rantee."

Are vou prepared to hail me, Czar and Kaiser,
" Our Mutual Friend," foe but to tight and
feud ?

As counsellor and cordial sympathiser,
I hope I don't intrude!

Pan-Anglican Theatrical Amateur En-
tertainment at Lambeth Palace, for the
amusement of the assembled Bishops, when
will be performed the laughable old farce,
entitled, " To Oblige Benson."

Cruelty to Horses.—Pulling and scratch-
ing them.

BAH! BAR!
Or, tlie Duties of a Counsel Defined by Wcbstcr.

Client. If you please, Sir, may I see you
without the intermediary of a Solicitor!

Barrister. Certainly, my dear Sir, under
certain conditions. But I will not bother you
about those for a moment. Perhaps, first,
you had better state your case ?

Client. My house _ has been burnt to the
ground bjr incendiaries.

Bar. Are you quite sure ?

Client. I think so. Then I have been
deprived of all my loose cash by fraudulent
trustees.

Bar. Yes ! Anything else ?

Client. My wife has run away, and my
children have been, unjustly expelled from
school. My house is tumbling about my ears,
and I have been unreasonably deprived of my
engagement as a City clerk. And, now,
what shall I do ?

Bar. Really, all this is very bad, and I
would willingly help you, if I could. But just
answer me. Is any Solicitor acting for you ?

Client. No, certainly not.

Bar. So far so good. And now tell me is
any matter j'ou have mentioned contentious
business ?

Client. I can't say. That depends upon
your advice.

Bar. But I can't give it unless I know
whether you are going to iight or knock
under. But once more—are you auite sure
of the accuracy of your statements f

Client. Well, I suppose they are fairly true.

Bar. "Suppose'' and "fairly"! That
settles it! I am afraid I must refer you to
the other branch of the profession. As you
evidently have no objection in the abstract to
lies, why, you had better consult a Solicitor !