Punch (95.1888)

64

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [August ll, 1888.

A very lively night. Began at Question Time, when Parnellites
made dead set at Baleoub, with occasional raids upon the Chair.
But this nothing to deve-
lopments in Committee on
Parnell Commission Bill.
Benches crowded; inter-
ruptions constant; cheering
and laughter incessant.
Impressive scene when Hab-
COUbt thought he heard a
smile from Goest. Stopped
short in speech; wouldn't

go on till Goest had finished
is smile, and assumed
customary judicial air.
"Wilder still when, just on
stroke of midnight, Cham-

beelain spoke.

"Pickle getting peppery,"
said Charles Foestee.
" Think I'll strut off whilst
coast clear. Not so lithe as
I was ; still, lithe enough."

Five minutes to Twelve
when Chambeexain sat
down. Courtney ahout to
put question, when Parnell
slowly rose from below
Gangway. Debate must
needs peremptorily close at
midnignt. "What could
Paenell say in four min-
utes P A good deal more
than was pleasant for some

to hear. Turned upon " Still lithe enough,

Chamberlain with placid manner, smiling countenance, and hitter
tongue ; trickled down upon him stream of vitriol. Drop by drop
it fell, searing and burning'. Only four minutes to say it all in.
But had finished before Big Ben broke in with sound of midnight.
Irish Members leaped up in tumult of uncontrollable delight. Above
the roar, like shout of mob thirsty for some one's blood, rose cry of
"Judas! Judas!" This was Tay Pay's contribution to harmony
of sitting; subsequently withdrawn, and apologised for. But what
of that ? Conybeaee, the great authority on points of honour, has
established code in this matter, accepted in sympathetic circles.
As he has written, '' the withdrawal of an unparliamentary ex-
pression does not do away with the effect produced by using it, and
does not imply any alteration of a deliberately expressed opinion."
Business done.—In Committee on Commission Bill.

Tuesday Night.—Debate on Commission Bill on again. Seems to
have been a mistake somewhere. General im-
pression was that Parnell had been doing some-
thing ; midnight assassination, moonlighting,
houghing of cattle, or some other nocturnal diver-
sion. Turns out House assembled, not to consider

Sossibility of Pabnell's guilt, but certainty of
hambeelain's. At opening of proceedings Pae-
nell appeared in position of Public Prosecutor.
Got Chambeblaln in dock, and publicly pum-
melled him. House amazed, sat and listened with
open mouth.

"I suppose," said Lewis Pelly, his hair
rising Pelly-melly, and uplifting his hat,
"we shall next have a little pamphlet on
Chamberlainism and Crime."

Paenell more than hints that Chamber-
lain when Cabinet Minister was playing fast
and loose with men steeped to the lips in
crime. Quite an unexpected treat this.
House summoned to debate on troublesome
Bill, suddenly found itself treated to piquant
dish of scandal. Every seat occupied. Mem-
bers standing at Bar, leaning over gallery,
flocking behind Speaker's Chair. Cham-
berlain as quiet and collected as Paenell.
Admits he had communications with Irish
Chief between 1880 and 1885. But interviews
were sought by Paenele, and what passed
faithfully reported to Gladstone.
p„iiv MpUv " n .Throughbothnarrativesoldfriend, O'Shea,
reuy-meuy. fllj.Si Chambeblaln says O'Shea was Pab-
nell's agent in arranging interviews. Paenell says O'Shea
arrived at one of the interviews whilst he was there with Justin
McCaethy. It s all O Shea. Seems to have been impartial agent
for both sides.

"That's all very well," says Campbell-Banneeman. "But we
mustn't forget the old axiom. "What says Coke upon Littleton—or
was it Littleton upon Coke ? Quifacit per alium, facit per Shea."

After Chambeelain-Parnell fizzle over, Debate on Commission Bill
went forward. Proceedings decidedly explosive. Edwabd "Watkln,
who knows something about railways, says reminded him of nothing
so much as train approaching station on foggy afternon. Fog-
signals exploding every two minutes. Old Mobality had terrible
time. Appears that "Walter, of Times, happened to call at Gros-
venor Square, whilst preparations foriCommission Bill going forward.
Interview nothing whatever to do with Bill. An old friend just
passing by, looked in to say '' Howdy ? " Bill might have been men-
tioned ; but so was the weather. O'Shea seems to have had nothing
to do with this meeting. Position nevertheless harped upon till Old
Mobality loses his temper ; frankly tells Sage of Queen Anne's Gate
he's another. Sage much hurt at this wild language, but on ground
that Old Mobality is unduly excited, magnanimously forgives him.

Business done.—Parnell Commission Bill in Committee.

Wednesday.—Matters livelier than ever. Joseph Glllis skipping
about like a young lamb. Flits from side to side, in and out by the
door, across the lobby and back again.

" Not precisely up to usual style of Puck" says Albeet Eollit,
looking on admiringly. " But,—everything going wrong, everybody
by the ears and Joseph Gillis hopping around—reminds me of scene
in the wood. Expect to find him catching Chairman's eye and
saying as he skips, " Mr. Courtney, Sir;

Up and down, up and down;
I will lead them up and down:
I am fear'd in field and town;
Goblin, lead them up and down! "
Tim Healy wanting to know more about Old Morality's morning
caUers. "How about this visit of "Walter?" says Tim, as if he
were inquiring whether the grocer had called ; "and Buckle—what
did Buckle call for ? Waltee, we know, was an old friend. "Was
Buckle an old friend ? "

Gladstone in terribly high spirits. Thumps the box, shakes his
fist at Goschen, and nearly talks himself hoarse. Goschen affected
almost to tears. Then Haecoubt comes in, big
and blatant, roaring and rampant. Luxu,
standing on guard at lobby-door, bringing up
the British Constitution in the rear whilst his
father leads it in the van, hears the parental
voice and is soothed.

Closure moved: Courtney puts question;
declares "the Ayes have it!"; Parnellites
bellow "No!" Division threatened; Glad-
stone shakes his _ head in token of dissent.
Question put again. Parnellites sit dumb;
only O'Hanlon up in the side gallery with
small day-book on his knee roars No!"
O'Hanlon in the grocery business when tem-
porarily out of politics. Bather neglected home
affairs of late. Thinks opportunity favourable
for making up accounts and lost time. So finds
snug corner m gaUery, brings out day-book
and bill-heads, pegs away for an hour. Getting
on with work nicely when Closure incident
comes on. Hears his friends shout "No!"
when question put. Doesn't observe Glad-
stone's signal of dissent; goes on making out
his bills. Meets Courtney's reiterated assertion
that "the Ayes have it! " with steady shout of
"No!" AU eyes,turned upon him. Just put
down another half-pound of sugar to Mat
Maloney, 13, Main Street, Derry, when House
cleared for Division; then emissary sent up to
explain situation. O'Hanlon sees it all;
Question again put; sits mute as harp on
„T „ Tara's wall; Closure agreed to and sitting

adjourned. Business done.—Committee again.
Friday, 1'30a.m.—Commission Bill through at last. A dull sitting
compared with those that had gone before, varied by charge of breach
of privilege against Times. Been saying things of Gladstone, John
Moeley, and. even of Habcouet ! Talk designed with more than usual
plainness to pass away time. Arranged that at One o'Clock this
morning, whatever Clauses left should be put without debate. Scene
expected at One o'Clock; impatiently awaited; nothing came of it;
Coubtney put Clauses one by one ; no one said him nay, and so Bill
passed through Committee. Esslemont (in the drapery business at
Aberdeen), emulous of O'Hanlon's success on "Wednesday, got into
corresponding position in opposite gallery ; produced day-book and
bill-heads ; worked away, intending to challenge Division on Clauses.
Splendid advertisement for Esselmont and Mackintosh. " And so
cheap," the canny Scot observed to himself. At last moment heart
failed him. Clauses passed, and opportunity missed.