Punch (95.1888)

August 18, 1888.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

77

fTtNty . Fop-TrcMY' the.-Messiah-fly

our aimst trusts it will not be found, as this is,
"on the Hop."

SENSATIONAL TO A DEGREE.

(Report of a Lecture by a Professor of the Future.)

Yesterday the recently-appointed Professor of Popular Science delivered
his inaugural lecture to the students of the Four Inns of Court in the Drill
Hall of the D. 0. Kitle Volunteers. It will he remembered that following the
lead of the Authorities of the Inner Temple, who some time since gave a
"learned At Home," the Masters of the combined Bench have recently estab-
lished a chair or rather, trapeze of Athletic Philosophy. The apartment was
tilled with students and utter-barristers, who exhibited the most lively interest
in the spirited proceedings.

The Professor, who appeared in academical costume, said that he was much
pleased to see so good an attendance, as he wished to teach by example rather
than by word of mouth. He would first go through a fewperformances.

Upon this he threw off his gown and disclosed a closely fitting suit of spangles.
The band of the Inns of Court Volunteers having struck up a lively tune, the
Professor quickly sprang into the air, and catching the bar of a trapeze, went
through a series of evolutions of the most extraordinary and intricate character.
Returning to the ground he resumed his gown and bowed his acknowledgments
to the thunder of applause that greeted his return to the reading-desk.

"You have seen," he observed, " that it is perfectly easy to fly through the
air with the assistance of the horizontal bars. And the principle may .be carried
further. I have here a small steam-engine, and by sitting on the safety-valve,
thus, I accumulate an amount of force sufficient in volume to raise me some
distance from the ground. In the event of the boiler bursting I shall, no doubt,

rise to a very considerable altitude; indeed-"at this point the Professor's

learned discourse was interrupted by the bursting of the boiler to which he had
called attention. Several of those present attended the subsequent inquest, which
brought the proceedings to a sensational, if somewhat, melancholy conclusion.

" Jeune tour la Jeunesse."—The subscriptions sent to the Editor for Mrs.
Jeune's Three-Weeks-in-the-Country-for-the-Poor-Children Fund have been
forwarded to Mrs. Jeune. And for all we have received Mrs. Jeune and the
children are truly thankful. _

ROBERT'S STORY OE JACK THE GIANT.

I coodn't refuse a offer as I reseeved the other day from a good
old frend to spend from Satterday to Munday at dear old Broadstares,
more espeshally as hinside his hinwitashun he henclosed a return
ticket. Ah! that's wot I calls inwiting a frend in a troqly royal
manner, tho' I am told as Royalty sumtimes f orgits that nice little
atenshun, and leaves poor Hooks and Markisses to pay their hone
fairs, which don't seem quite fare to me.

I didn't find much change in nice quiet Broadstares. There's the
same old black Peer, and the same nice wite cliffs, and the same
butifool yaller sands, and the same brite blue sea, and the same little
imperent tavern as will call itself the Albion! As if there cood be
2 Albions! But there was one thing as I soon missed, and that was
my old frend Jack the Boatman. Jack was a grate giant of a feller,
and the idle of all the children. Lor, what fun he used to have on
the sands with the pretty littel darlings, to be sure. They used to
call him Jack the Giant. I've sumtimes seen three or fore of 'em on
his back at wunce, and he on his hands; and nees a pertending to bo
their orse, and they a spurring and a wippin on him like mad.

Well, it seems that larst Summer a Lady used to cum on the Sands
every day with her Servent and a pore littel feller of a boy, about
five or six year old, who had amostlost the use of his pore littel legs,
and the Doctor had told his pore Mother that the only chance of recov-
ering the use of 'em was sea-bathing, but nothink would induce the
pore littel chap to go into the Sea. He used to screem and struggel
so that it was shocking to hear and see him. So his pore Mother had
to give it up, but she came ewery fine day on the Sands, and sat as
close to the sea as she cood, in opes sum day to tempt him in.

Well, one day sumbody happened to tell Jack all about it, so what
does he do but he goes and he sets hisself down by the side of pore
littel Frank, that was the littel chap's name, and he began a torking
to him all about the Sea, and wot fun it was to go and catch a lot of
fashes and bring 'em home and have 'em for dinner. And that's all
he said that day. The nex day he did the same, and the nex, and
i bank got so used to him that he quite missed him if he wasn't there.

So one day Jack says to him, "Woodn't you like to git on my
back, and let me be your horse and take you into the SeaP" And
little Frank says, "No, I shoodn't," says he, "for I don't want to
gitwet, and don't mean to." "But suppose I promises that you shan't
git wet," says Jack, "what then ? " ,(Then I don't think I shood
beleeve you," says he, larfing out quite merrily. "But suppose
your Ma says as you may trust me, woodn't you beleeve me then P "

res, I think I shood," says he. So at larst after a good deal of
perswadm he lets Jack take him on his back and in they goes a littel
ways into the Sea, and Jack brings him back to his delited Ma as
appy as a king and as dry as a bone.

After a time Jack got him to have his shoes and stockings off and
to ride on Jack's back further into the Sea, and his Mother made
nun a parr of butifool blew rains, and bort him a littel whip, and he

used to go riding into the Sea as bold as a lion, and shouting out to
his delited Ma to see how brave he was. Well, after a time the pore
littel feller's legs got quite strong, and he could ewen manage to wark
a littel.

But now cums the curiusest part of my story. Not one penny
wood Jack take from the gratefool Mother for all his long services.
No one knew who she was. She seemed to know noboddy, but she
had plenty of money, and was as ginerous with it as a Princess cood
be, but nothink wood Jack take, till one day, when he was a going
away for a munth, he managed to stammer out that, if she didn't
think it a libberty, he shood like to have littel Fkaj^k's pictur. I
think as he called it his Haughtygraff, for Jack wasn't much of a
Skollar. However, you may be sure as he hadn't long to wait for
it, and away he went.

"Whether it was that he missed Jack, or whether it was a chill as
he got one windy day, or what it was, noboddy seemed quite to
know, but by the time as Jack came back pore littel Frank was
worse than ever, and was at last confined to his bed. Jack used to
go every day to see the pore littel darling, and could alwavs get a
smile from his little wan face, even when his pore Mother failed. But
it was all in wain, and before long it was all over, and the pore littel
feller was at rest.

They buried him at the old church at St. Peter's, and you may be
sure that Jack was there, and if his greet wasn't quite so grate as
his pore Mother's, it wasn't a werry long ways off it.

Jack took just one long long look into the littel grave, and then
went his way.

He left the place the next morning, and forgot to say where he
was a going to, and hasn't cum back yet, and sumthink strikes me
as he won't cum back there no more.

It seems a strange thing that a, grate, hulking, ruff, uneddicated
Boatman, like Jack the Giant, shood have had such a soft, loving
heart, but so it was, and so it has been, and so no dowt it will be
till we 're all gathered together sum day, rich and pore, big and littel,
Waiters and Wicounts, learned and unlearned, into one lovin"- fold '

I think I must be gittin both old and foolish, for pore "Jack's
story quite spylte my hollyday, and sent me home as sollem as a
Churchworden. ===——___ Robekt.

Stkange Case of Forgetfulness on the Pabt of a Gentle-
man—In the Readmg-Room of a very important City Institution is
posted up the following announcement:—" On Thursday last an
Umbrella was taken from this room, and has not been returned. It
had engraven on the handle the name and residence of the Owner.
Will the Gentleman, who was and is, doubtless, labouring under
some strange delusion as to the ownership of the Umbrella in ques-
tion, kindly return me the name-plate, the continued possession of
which might cause him some slight trouble at some future time. I
need not sign my name and address, as the Gentleman has them
already."