Punch (95.1888)

October 27, 1888.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

201

OUR NEW M.F.H.

Me, Topple our new M.F.H., has decided to hunt the Hounds himself ; but finding it impossible to remember their

Names, he has adopted the above capital Plan.

EOBERT'S ESTONISHMENT.

I hate lived to see the day wen a Cheerman of a Copperashun
Cummittee has publickly dared,—without a blush, as far as I coud
see, and I fixt my egle gaze upon hirn as he spoke,—to xclaim to an
estonished crowd, '' Water, brite Water for me! and give your
wine to the trembling Debbawshe!" How the three or four
ancient Deputys as herd him liked the strange words of course I don't
know, but this I do know, that when a few ours arterwards the
Cummittee was all seated cumferally together at their faverite
Gildhall Tavern and me a waiting on 'em, as ushal, they all drunk
the plucky Cheerman's good helth together, and chaffed him most
tremenjusiy about his watery speech. But he bore it all chearfully,
like a man and a brother, and tossed off a bumper of fine old Port
after thanking them for their kyind wishes.

So I needn't have bin so werry grately alarmed at the Cheerman's
xtrornary speech, but he ewen did wuss then that on another simniy-
ler ocashun, as I will now perceed to relate.

It seams as the Copperashun, not kontent with setting up the best
Skools, and the best Libery, and the best Markets, and the best
Bridges in all the hole City, lias lately gorn into the Parks and Open
Spaces line, and after spendin about a quarter of a millyun of money
m buying Epping Forrest, as I herd the Cheerman of the Cummittee
say ony a few weeks ago, has quite lately took charge of Highget
Woods, and wen sumbody arsked leave to put up a Fountane there,
so that the pore littel boys and gals as goes there coud wash there
hands, and setterer, the Copperashun not ony allowd it, but sent down
a Cummittee to see as it was all rite, and to take charge of it, and it
was on this ocashun that the Cheerman made the owdacious speech I
nave menshuned. I was there, and I herd what was a going on, and I
scarcely xpects to be beleeved when I says that sum of the pore littel
children, dreckly as the Cheerman's back was turned, acshally went
up and drunk sum of the werry cold water, pore littel things'! The
cummittee might have let it run ginger beer just for wunce. But
wuss remanes behind. For ony larst week the same Cheerman took
down the werry same Cummittee to take over another Fountane, as
another liberal minded Gent—tho' he is a blooming Conserwativ—
had ottered to give for the Queen's Park at Killburn, which is another
oi their good worx.

It was a bitter cold day, so the bizziness was got thro' rayther more

quicker than afore, and wen the liberal conserwatif Gent had made
his nice little speech and anded over his nice littel Fountane, the
Cheerman stood forrard, and I coud seeawisibel shudder run through
the elderly members of the Cummittee for fear as he shood commit
hisself as afore. But no, he awoided the dellicate subjick alltogether,
and made one of them bewtifool littel speeches as only Cheermen can
make, and the Cummittee was ewidently much releeved in their
minds speshally the old uns. But, wunderfool to relate, insted of
dessending from his stony pedestal of glory and retiring gracefoolly
amid the peeple's cheers, he acshally filled a pewter cup to the brim
and quaffed it off without a shudder, and called upon his Committee
to boldlv stand forward and do likewise! Oh^ the grim smiles upon
their countynancys was a sight to see! One ancient Deputy endevourd
in wane to conceal his disgust, while another had the pluck to boldly
annownce what all the others dowtless thort, namely, that he shood
prefer it with jest a leetle drop of old Skotch whiskey in it!

And now jest one word of frendly warnin to my kynd Patrons.

It's trew, as I'm told, that the Board of Warks, having failed to
give sattisf action by living on nothink but Work and Water, is about
to give place to another Board with a different name, but with the
same hutterly himpossibel condishuns, and you may be thinkin of
haltering your old successful, becoz libberal, plan of hopperashuns,
to catch a little fisating poppylarity. But it will be a orful mistake,
for while it will chill and disappint your frends it will ony excite
the contemt of your fos. iRobert.

WHA.T'S-HIS-NAME AND THE SATURDAY REVIEW.

In answer to numerous Correspondents, we beg to state, on more
than undoubted authority, that,—

1. The " Saturday Review " will not in future appear every Tues-
day. 2. That it ivill he edited by its Editor in London, and not in a
Cottage near the Merne Green Wood." 3. That its Editor is
mot going to undertake the chief direction of the Detective and
Private Inquiry Department of the Police under the sobriquet of
"Pollocky." 4. That neither Mr. What's-his-name nor Mr.
What-you-may-call-um is engaged on the paper. 5. That every
report put about by Thingummy Bob when he was rather Thingummy
Tight is hereby emphatically contradicted.