Punch (95.1888)

214

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [November 3, 1888.

THAT NASTY ORANGE-PEEL ! "

Gallant Old Gentleman (rushing to her assistance). "I'm afraid, Ma'am, You've had a Fall—I hope-"

Short-tempered Old Lady (snappishly), " Why, you don't s'ppose I'd sit down here, you Old Stup-- ! "

\jle helps her up, and makes off hastily.

A NEW "SPEAKER'S COMMENTARY."

(Intended as a few hints to budding Orators, in
addition to the very excellent advice which
Mr. Bright has recently given them.)

Don't let your audience know what is
coming next. Cultivate the art of oratorical
surprises. Should your hearers also cultivate
surprises, and welcome you with an outburst
of hisses, allude playfully to the geese that
once saved the Capitol. This may disarm
hostility. It may also do the reverse.

If any member of your audience should be
so ill-mannered or so destitute of apprecia-
tion as to go away in the middle of your
oration, remember that this invariably
happens to the best speakers in the House
of Commons. Try and. wither the offender
with a glance. This requires practice.
Should this fail, you might put your
"w?1106- m a £°0<^ temper by inquiring,

Why is our friend who is leaving like a
barn-door fowl ? Because he is looking for
an egg-sit." This will direct amused at-
tention to the out-goer, and make others
less willing to follow his example.

N. B.—At the end of the meeting, leave, if
possible, by a side-door. People have been
known to resent humour of the above
description.

If you cannot comfortably accommodate all
the leading points of your speech on your
shirt-cuff, pin them (on a piece of paper) to
your handkerchief, which you can occasion-
ally dangle before your face in a graceful and
unpremeditated manner.

Make friends with the Reporters. An

amiable Reporter explains away a multitude
of brickbats.

When interrupted, never lose your own
temper—or you may find somebody else's !

When working up to a joke, it will be
advisable to wreathe your face beforehand
with a seductive smile. Practise well before
a looking-glass.

Though argument is popularly supposed to
have something to do with proof, recollect that
certain people are quite proof against argu-
ment. Humour them. Appeal to their
feelings, not their heads. Try the "Three
B's"—blarney, blather, and bunkum.

People who don't see a joke always think
there is something profane in it. Don't be
too witty. This is a fault which you will
probably find no difficulty in avoiding.

Perhaps the very best way to '' bring down
the house," is to bring down a lot of parti-
cular friends who will'' make ahouse'' for you.

'' Slatin Bey."—The Times Correspondent,
writing from Vienna, reported last week that
" Slatin Bey asks his friends to send him a
few newspapers.We are glad to be able to
announce, in the interests of the higher criti-
cism in Art, Literature, and the Drama, that
Slatin Bey is coming over to England, and
has been engaged as Literary and Dramatic
Critic on Mr. Punch''s Staff. All those who
have anything to fear from Slatin,—look out!

Some impulsive Americans wanted his
title to be changed to " Lord Get-the -
Sackville."

A SPORTSMAN'S SONG.

Arranged for the Suburban Deer-Stalker.

Sing ho ! for the bang of the Verderer's gun,

As from his third-class stepping,
He starts for his annual bit of fun
In the sylvan glades of Epping.
He isn't a very good shot, is he:
But his aim is wild and his range is free,
And, whether he hit or miss his mark,
He knows that he is out for a lark.
So ho ! sing ho ! for the Verderer's sport,
At Epping he '11 show you the proper sort.
Give him his gun, and he'll blaze away,
Nor care a rap what the public say.

Sing ho ! for the Verderer's random shot

As he sees the herd advancing,
And he takes his sight and covers the lot,

The risk of a had one chancing.
So ho! but the Verderer has his luck,
For he breaks the leg of a harmless buck,
That limps away with its shatter'd bone
To linger for days, then die alone.
So ho! Sing ho ! for his glorious sport,
At Epping he '11 show you the right good sort;
And will—till the Public shall have their say,
And he and his gun both get blazed away!

Athletic Spoets in India.—Lord Colin
Campbell has gone out to practise at the bar
in Bombay. Capital exercise.

" You 'be having a high old time of it," as
the Currant-jelly said to the Venison, which
had been hanging for three weeks.