Punch (95.1888)

Dbobmber 22, 1888.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

293

PLAY-TIME.

Hands Across the Sea, the Melodrama at the Princess's is capitally
played. Young Henry Neville is first-rate as the hero, and more
popular than ever. See him floor the Frenchmen. Song-
Am—" Tou should see me dance the Polka."
You should see him floor the Frenchmen,

Tou should see him cover the ground,
Xou should see his shirt-sleeves flying,

As he bangs the men all round;
Xou should see him in it revel,

Tou should see him full of " go,"
For our rollicking Henery Neville
Is a Melodrame's best hero.

Chorus {all)—You should see him, &c.

Then Miss Maey Roeke is charming, so is Miss Websteb, with
double the life in her nowshe is away from the St. James's. Mr.
Patehan's Jean de Lussac is repulsively clever, especially when he
has on that tight fit which finishes him. As for Garden, it is quite
a pleasure, Garden, to see you as Tom Bassett'; and in fact, all are
good, not forgetting such minor parts as Mr. H. H. Morell's Hiram
Hickory, a character sketch, adroitly worked into the plot by that
sharp playwright, Henry Pettitt, of whose work, however, this
drama is not the best specimen. Less well acted, Hands Across
might have resulted in Mr. Pettitt's determining not again to try a
pas seuL but to make his bow and return to partner.

Mr. W. S. Gtlbeet seems to be considerably annoyed about the
failure of his piece at the St. James's. He would like to sweep all
the critics off the face of the newspapers, except one. Quite right;
let us smash everyone whose opinion differs from our own. Noble

Suggestion for making something of the St. James's Play at Christmas :—
The Mad Mortgage op Bad-Ballad Hall; or, Harlequin Long-
Lost Lover, the Convict's Coquettish Cheyild, and
The Critic on the D.T.
Harlequin .. • • The Long-lost Lover.
Colunibine .. •■ Julia (Who's so " very peculiar ").
Pantaloon .. • • Broken-down Old Nobleman.

Sprite......The Virtuous Villin.

Clown by .. The Great Pooh Bah-rington.

sentiment! There was, at all events, one fond and faithful critic who
liked it; namely, the critic of the Standard. So W. S. G. may
henceforth reckon Pooh-Bah-rington Hall as specially a Standard
Play. Approbation from Sir Alfred Standabd is praise indeed!

It is said that so disgusted was Mr. W. S. G. at his treatment by
the critics generally, or by the conduct of one in particular, which
nearly gave him a fit of B. T., that he solemnly vowed "never
again to write a serious play." I can t believe it. The threat is too
awful. What! Boycott the public! This is intimidation indeed.
But, if true, we must bear it as best we may. tack: m the box.

No attraction for Christmas Holidays.—"Why should Railway
Companies advertise their "Late Trains" ? Surely the public would
much prefer "Punctual Trains."

Phobable.—Lord Salisbury's Black Man is in a fair way to
become his Lordship's " bete noire."

.OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

My faithful "Co." says he has been very hard at work reading a
novel called Mary Myles. It is only in two volumes, but more than
enough. "Co." does not like the heroine
who gives her name to the book. He des-
cribes her as an artful minx, who, under
pretence of being a governess from Girton,
flirts with every boy, man, and grey-beard,
she runs across. She has an unpleasant
habit of walking about without her shoes
and stockings, and after becoming an old
maid, ultimately marries a man many years
her junior. "Co." has also looked through
a somewhat elaborate work upon Kensington,
which he says contains several rather clever
illustrations. The letterpress, he thinks, less
satisfactory, as many interesting particulars
about the Royal suburb are unrecorded. "Co." is surprised that
there should be so many omissions, considering that the book is
written by no less a person than that eminent litterateur, the com-
piler of the Authorised Guide to the Tower. He has also dipped into
the Aspern Papers of Mr. Henry James, and read The Modern Warn-
ing, contained in the second volume. Written in excellent English,
the characters are unpleasant, and he hopes unnatural. He says he
can answer that there was never such a vulgar person as Sir Mtifus
Chasemore, K. C.B., on this side of the Atlantic; and he hopes that the
Yankee snob, Macarthy Grice, on the other side, is equally mythical.
He fears that Aspern Papers will please neither Britishers nor their
American cousins. Mr. James should turn his attention to real
foreigners, and then, perhaps, he would score a success. My faithful
"Co." feels that Mr. James is rather out of his element when he
talks of Fifth Avenue and Piccadilly; and my faithful "Co." was
out of his element when he called the clever brochure to which he
referred the week before last the Dawn of the Nineteenth Century,
instead of the Dawn of the Twentieth.

I don't go in for books much this week. Shall have to do so next
week. ChristmasBooksandcheque-books. Hark! the merry Christmas
Bills! They don't quite chime in with my idea of perfect happi-
ness. "Partons!" Now, what says " Co." ? Co. has gone in for
crackers. That is " Co.'s" literature just now. He sings in praise
of Tom Smith's crackers, which, he says, reproduce the latest
fashions. The costumes being twisted up inside the cracker, which
may be known as " Smith's Closure," and are most ingenious, quite
" Smith up to date." So much for the Smitheries.

At the Cremeries, the toy-purveyor should adopt as his motto the
old French quotation, " A Toy Toujours." The great point here,
says Co., is that there is such a variety to delight the genuine shilling
customers. What boy or girl cares for a guinea toy, and other
articles of rare price P No, give 'em a few good knock-about toys at
a shilling a wooden head, and the quantity will please them as long
as the quality is sufficiently enduring—say, for six weeks, when
away back to lessons.

" Co." says I must mention Goodall and Son, for "Novelties in
note paper," and a neat little box of cards with all appliances for
whist, which is an education for a happy old age. Goodall, all
good. "My only books" are not "women's looks" this week, but
children's books—charming little volumes, nursery rhymes and
tales—old friends with new and attractive faces—by Ernest Nister.
Bindings lovely ; interior too good for little idle hands, accustomed
to the use of scissors, and belonging to children possessed by scrap
mania. Scrap-maniacs are most destructive insects.

The Baron de B.-W. & Co.

CONFOUND THEIR NAYY-ISH TRICKS!
Oliver Twist would not be "in it" with Lord Charles Beres-
ford in " asking for more." The brave and breezy Beresford
frankly avowed that he desired to add Twenty Millions to the Navy
Estimates! What Lord George Hamilton had to say in reply
practically amounted to this; that the British Navy was better than
it had been, but not so good as it ought to be. Between our salt
water Oliver Twist and our naval Micawber there does not seem
to be much comfort for John Bull. The official Micawber said that
the difference between himself and the tarry-breeked Oliver Twist
was that in him (Lord George Micawber) "the sense of caution
was more fully developed." He added that when the Government
moved, he hoped their movement would be " genuine and prolonged."
Well, if they don't do their duty by our naval defences, doubtless
their movement, when it comes, will be "genuine and prolonged."
and that its motor will be what Lord Tennyson calls "the wild
mob's million feet." But, meanwhile, events move ; they move all
the time, and do not wait for sessions, or for programmes, or even
for Budgets. That is why Naval finance of the Pip and Herbert
Pocket order affords Mr. Punch little satisfaction, and not very
much hope.