DOI issue:
Punch’s Almanack for 1854
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17043#0003
PUNCH'S ALMANACK FOP, 1854
CAPER SAUCE.
A very scrupulous
maiden lady of our ac-
quaintance classes the
Ballet among the in-
delicacies of the Season.
The Matrimonial
Circus. — The only
ring in which the whip
should not be used,
is the wedding-ring.
Whenever it is used,
you may put it down as
a hadly-managed circle
that is a disgrace to the
ring.—W iddicomb.
Dramatic Truth.—-
A promising actor
should perform as well
as promise.
What’s in a Name ?
—More than some peo-
ple think. Don’t open
a sausage-shop in Cat-
eaton Street.
Proper Dignity. —
Stand no sauce from
any servant but your
cook.
When is the soup
likely to run out of
the saucepan '?—When
there’s a leek in it.
Remarkable Dream.
—An inveterate punster
having fallen asleep,
dreamttliat Mr.Hobbes
had picked Teddington
Lock.
Proverb (for a Tem-
perance Medal). — You
may take a Teetotaller
to the Pump, but you
cannot make him drink.
I
A CASE OF EEAL DISTEESS.
Fox-hunter. “Here’s a bore, Jack! The ground is half a foot thick with Snow, and it’s
FREEZING LIKE MAD ! ”
PROPHETIC.
The National Debt
will be paid off by Mb
Briefless with a draft
on the well-known and
highly respectable Bank
of the Serpentine.
Things in Season in
January.—Cold chops,
flounders (in slippery
weather), and (cork)
soles.
Earthenware at
Sea. — In the stormy
ocean every vessel is a
pitcher.
The Philosophy of
Bribery. — It is with
the votes of men, as
with their actions: it
all depends upon the
way in which you treat
them.
Advice to Farmers
— Feed your poultry j
well, and you will in-
sure full crops.
Note bv a Police-
man.—A Quaker is sel-
dom taken into custody,
and never collared.
Symptoms of an
Early Spring. — The
Green Bushes are seen
at the Adelplii as early
as November.
Self Knowledge.—
An undergraduate who j
had been plucked, mee
mg an ass grazing < .
waste-land, saluted him
as a Fellow Commoner.
. Where should lard
be kept? In the larder.
MONTHLY MEMS. BY A CABBY.
-January.—Cruel 'ard weather. Bad entertainment for man
an’ ’oss. Rough your cattle and your tongue. If you drives
a night-cab, get inside when on the stand, pull up the win-
ders, and smoke. Bacca airs the wehicle, and you can, if
objected to, say it was the last fare. Much may be done at
the second-rate skvares, where they gives parties, by keeping
up proper ties with the linkman. Encourage aristercratic
connexions, wich there is generally a public andy about the
mews, and draining a pot at your expense will make him
strain a pint in your favour. Strawbands about the legs
is much worn this month; and your ’oss’s rugs will make a
comfortable rap. As for the’oss, he's the master’s look out,
and you needn't care a rap lor him.
February.—A sludgy month, bad for chilblains, and con-
sekveutly good for cabs. Parliament opens, wich the Cabman
will not forget wot he owes to his horder, and never leave his
raDk to take up hanything so low as a Hem P. You may
be ’ailed by Mr. Fitzroy if you stands oppersite the ’Ome
Office. Let him ’ail. The more he ’ails the better. Remem-
ber to keep a few bad tizzies about you. The man as asks
for change for a bob desarves no better. If anything is left
in your cab, bone it. ’Eaven ’elps them as ’elps themselves;
and if Cabbies doesn’t ’elp themselves, who ’ll ’elp ’em, I’d
like to know? Wooden-soled shoes is recommended for
watermen in this month, as they are obligated often to be
gutter perchers. A silk ’ankwercher twisted round the ’at
is nobby, and keeps out vet.
March.—A blowy month; but a good blow out is the
last thing likely to come in a Cabby’s way, now-a-days.
Don’t stand no March airs from customers. But wotever
you do. avoid the Beak, for a Cabby in the Police Court
now-a-days is like this blessed month in the halmanack— he
goes in like a lion and comes out like a lamb.
CRACKERS FOR PARTIES.
The Lord Mayor always draws bis own Coach. It is
one of bis duties as a Mare.
The author of The Lily and the Bee is the AVarren who
“ does ” the poetry for the Blacking advertisements. It is
bootless to speak of the polish of his style.
The Morning Herald is generally regarded among news-
papers as the Cock of the AValk.
The “King-maker” Earl of Warwick, of Henry the
Sixth’s time, was the old original “ Erl King.”
The Key to Uncle Tom's Cabin is a latch-key of the ordi-
nary kind.
Napoleon’s last ride at Waterloo was met by the advance
of the English foot, strengthened by a Wellington and a
Bluchkr.
Mr. Bramah, the lockmaker, has a very large Eastern
connection. In fact, they quite worship him there.
Sport in the Sub-
urbs.—A young gentle-
. man at Clapham went
i out snipe-sliooting a-
mong the adjoining
Willas.
Howto Hoax Punch.
-— Pay threepence a
week, and you may take
Bunch in.
What the Vege-
tarians Live on.— !
Gammon and Spinach, j
The Doctor and j
the Dancing-Master.
— One practises the
: healing art and the
other the toeing art.
An Insolent Lackey.
M —Steam is a servant ;
that occasionally blows
up its master.
A Low Style of
N aturalist.—The con-
noisseur of spars, 'ud
the zoophyting mat.
A Rabbitthatcan’t
be Curried.—A \\Telsh
Rabbit.
Character for Hand- ;
writing.—A good text- I
' hand indicates an ortho- i
dox clergyman.
Moral for SroRTiNG !
Swells.—It is strange
that the aristocracy ;
should be the chief pa-
trons of the Turf, be-
cause it is an instit"
tion not calculated to
- teach us respect for our
betters.
ll ■
!i i
!>*
: /
Paterfamilias insists that the Girls shall wear vert stout boots in the wet weather ; but the
Girls don’t at all like “The NASTY GREAT UGLY CLUMSY, THICK THINGS !”
The Watchma ker’s
Vice.— Did you ever
find your watch repaired
on the day by which you
were promised it should
be? Not you; and*the
reason is that watch-
makers, by the nature of
their business, acquire
a familiarity with time
which doth breed a con-
tempt for it.
Dramatic Property.
— An original play is
copyright, hut a piece
taken from the French
is copyhold.
Natural History
I for Boarding Schools.
—A young lady who had
heard that there were
i cygnets in the Thames,
went up to Richmond in
a steamer, expecting to |
see some seals. |
The Dodo.—The poor
j extinct old Dodo, on
whose back so much | j
I nonsense has been put. , .
was only the male bird. { |
i The female of it was j
“ The Don’tdon’t.”
Thought to go Shop-
ping with.—The great- ’
est bargains at the most J
1 tremendous sacrifices of j
1 linen-drapers are all I j
I atuff. ;
| Legal.—The proverb j
, lays, “ A fool keeps his j
[ own counsel ; ” and |
I Briefless says, “ He
i only wishes some fool
j would keep him.”
CAPER SAUCE.
A very scrupulous
maiden lady of our ac-
quaintance classes the
Ballet among the in-
delicacies of the Season.
The Matrimonial
Circus. — The only
ring in which the whip
should not be used,
is the wedding-ring.
Whenever it is used,
you may put it down as
a hadly-managed circle
that is a disgrace to the
ring.—W iddicomb.
Dramatic Truth.—-
A promising actor
should perform as well
as promise.
What’s in a Name ?
—More than some peo-
ple think. Don’t open
a sausage-shop in Cat-
eaton Street.
Proper Dignity. —
Stand no sauce from
any servant but your
cook.
When is the soup
likely to run out of
the saucepan '?—When
there’s a leek in it.
Remarkable Dream.
—An inveterate punster
having fallen asleep,
dreamttliat Mr.Hobbes
had picked Teddington
Lock.
Proverb (for a Tem-
perance Medal). — You
may take a Teetotaller
to the Pump, but you
cannot make him drink.
I
A CASE OF EEAL DISTEESS.
Fox-hunter. “Here’s a bore, Jack! The ground is half a foot thick with Snow, and it’s
FREEZING LIKE MAD ! ”
PROPHETIC.
The National Debt
will be paid off by Mb
Briefless with a draft
on the well-known and
highly respectable Bank
of the Serpentine.
Things in Season in
January.—Cold chops,
flounders (in slippery
weather), and (cork)
soles.
Earthenware at
Sea. — In the stormy
ocean every vessel is a
pitcher.
The Philosophy of
Bribery. — It is with
the votes of men, as
with their actions: it
all depends upon the
way in which you treat
them.
Advice to Farmers
— Feed your poultry j
well, and you will in-
sure full crops.
Note bv a Police-
man.—A Quaker is sel-
dom taken into custody,
and never collared.
Symptoms of an
Early Spring. — The
Green Bushes are seen
at the Adelplii as early
as November.
Self Knowledge.—
An undergraduate who j
had been plucked, mee
mg an ass grazing < .
waste-land, saluted him
as a Fellow Commoner.
. Where should lard
be kept? In the larder.
MONTHLY MEMS. BY A CABBY.
-January.—Cruel 'ard weather. Bad entertainment for man
an’ ’oss. Rough your cattle and your tongue. If you drives
a night-cab, get inside when on the stand, pull up the win-
ders, and smoke. Bacca airs the wehicle, and you can, if
objected to, say it was the last fare. Much may be done at
the second-rate skvares, where they gives parties, by keeping
up proper ties with the linkman. Encourage aristercratic
connexions, wich there is generally a public andy about the
mews, and draining a pot at your expense will make him
strain a pint in your favour. Strawbands about the legs
is much worn this month; and your ’oss’s rugs will make a
comfortable rap. As for the’oss, he's the master’s look out,
and you needn't care a rap lor him.
February.—A sludgy month, bad for chilblains, and con-
sekveutly good for cabs. Parliament opens, wich the Cabman
will not forget wot he owes to his horder, and never leave his
raDk to take up hanything so low as a Hem P. You may
be ’ailed by Mr. Fitzroy if you stands oppersite the ’Ome
Office. Let him ’ail. The more he ’ails the better. Remem-
ber to keep a few bad tizzies about you. The man as asks
for change for a bob desarves no better. If anything is left
in your cab, bone it. ’Eaven ’elps them as ’elps themselves;
and if Cabbies doesn’t ’elp themselves, who ’ll ’elp ’em, I’d
like to know? Wooden-soled shoes is recommended for
watermen in this month, as they are obligated often to be
gutter perchers. A silk ’ankwercher twisted round the ’at
is nobby, and keeps out vet.
March.—A blowy month; but a good blow out is the
last thing likely to come in a Cabby’s way, now-a-days.
Don’t stand no March airs from customers. But wotever
you do. avoid the Beak, for a Cabby in the Police Court
now-a-days is like this blessed month in the halmanack— he
goes in like a lion and comes out like a lamb.
CRACKERS FOR PARTIES.
The Lord Mayor always draws bis own Coach. It is
one of bis duties as a Mare.
The author of The Lily and the Bee is the AVarren who
“ does ” the poetry for the Blacking advertisements. It is
bootless to speak of the polish of his style.
The Morning Herald is generally regarded among news-
papers as the Cock of the AValk.
The “King-maker” Earl of Warwick, of Henry the
Sixth’s time, was the old original “ Erl King.”
The Key to Uncle Tom's Cabin is a latch-key of the ordi-
nary kind.
Napoleon’s last ride at Waterloo was met by the advance
of the English foot, strengthened by a Wellington and a
Bluchkr.
Mr. Bramah, the lockmaker, has a very large Eastern
connection. In fact, they quite worship him there.
Sport in the Sub-
urbs.—A young gentle-
. man at Clapham went
i out snipe-sliooting a-
mong the adjoining
Willas.
Howto Hoax Punch.
-— Pay threepence a
week, and you may take
Bunch in.
What the Vege-
tarians Live on.— !
Gammon and Spinach, j
The Doctor and j
the Dancing-Master.
— One practises the
: healing art and the
other the toeing art.
An Insolent Lackey.
M —Steam is a servant ;
that occasionally blows
up its master.
A Low Style of
N aturalist.—The con-
noisseur of spars, 'ud
the zoophyting mat.
A Rabbitthatcan’t
be Curried.—A \\Telsh
Rabbit.
Character for Hand- ;
writing.—A good text- I
' hand indicates an ortho- i
dox clergyman.
Moral for SroRTiNG !
Swells.—It is strange
that the aristocracy ;
should be the chief pa-
trons of the Turf, be-
cause it is an instit"
tion not calculated to
- teach us respect for our
betters.
ll ■
!i i
!>*
: /
Paterfamilias insists that the Girls shall wear vert stout boots in the wet weather ; but the
Girls don’t at all like “The NASTY GREAT UGLY CLUMSY, THICK THINGS !”
The Watchma ker’s
Vice.— Did you ever
find your watch repaired
on the day by which you
were promised it should
be? Not you; and*the
reason is that watch-
makers, by the nature of
their business, acquire
a familiarity with time
which doth breed a con-
tempt for it.
Dramatic Property.
— An original play is
copyright, hut a piece
taken from the French
is copyhold.
Natural History
I for Boarding Schools.
—A young lady who had
heard that there were
i cygnets in the Thames,
went up to Richmond in
a steamer, expecting to |
see some seals. |
The Dodo.—The poor
j extinct old Dodo, on
whose back so much | j
I nonsense has been put. , .
was only the male bird. { |
i The female of it was j
“ The Don’tdon’t.”
Thought to go Shop-
ping with.—The great- ’
est bargains at the most J
1 tremendous sacrifices of j
1 linen-drapers are all I j
I atuff. ;
| Legal.—The proverb j
, lays, “ A fool keeps his j
[ own counsel ; ” and |
I Briefless says, “ He
i only wishes some fool
j would keep him.”