DOI issue:
The calendar for the year 1855
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17044#0003
PUNCH’S ALMANACK FOR 1855.
NOTES FOR MARCH.
Though the year is shortened by
nearly three months, its days are
lengthened.
Mercury will, on the 18th, be
stationary ; but although station-
ery, we have nothing to write upon
him.
A MUSTARD-SEED TABLE.
Amative.—Laura was discon-
solate. Henry had long flirted, but
never put the question. Henry
went his way. Laura’s aunt, for
consolation, brought her a love of
a spaniel pup. “ My dear,” says
the Aunt, “ the puppy can do
everything but speak.” “Why
willyouagoniseme?” says Laura,
“ that’s the only fault I found with
the other.”
Prediction.— The next cam-
paign will open in the month of
March.
How to Tell the position op
the Planets by the Wind.—It
is probable that Vesta will be in
the South when the wind blows a
Sou-Vester.
Memorandum for the Month
of March.—To young ladies—
Now make up your minds and
choose your lover, considering that
you may have too many chaps on
your hands.
Truth for Teetotallers.—
The Porter that is stout will carry
the biggest man beyond the hounds
i of discretion.
Rule for Young House-
keepers.—The smallest possible
waste, without pinching.
Information for Innocents.—
When anybody talks much about
his trials, there is some reason to
i believe him to be a thief.
PATERFAMILIAS SUPERINTENDS IN PERSON THE REMOVAL OF THE SNOW
FROM THE ROOF OF HIS HOUSE.
FACT IN MESMERISM.
A YOUNGmedical student, having
been mesmerised, was thrown into
a state of clairvoyance. On being
asked where he was, he said he was
in the lodgings of the mesmeriser,
his fellow-student. To the question,
what he could see there, he replied
thathe saw the woman of the house
opening the cupboard with a secret
key, and helping herself out of the
gin-bottle.
Legal Advice to Young
Ladies.— Don't accept the hand
of anybody who tells you that he
is going to marry and settle.
Make him settle first, and let him
marry afterwards.
Classical Collar.—The an-
cient Roman ladies are said to
have sometimes adorned them-
selves by tying a live snake round
their neck. The reptile, in that
case, may be said to have been the
lady’s live stock.
“ ’Tis true, ’tis pity ; and pity
’tis ’tis true.”—Honeymoon bliss
sometimes turns out to be mere
moonshine.
NATURAL MISTAKE.
An agricultural gentleman, in
reading a fashionable newspaper,
exploded in a guffaw. On being
entreated to communicate the cause
of his mirth, he pointed to the de-
scription of a “ Marriage in High
Life,” in which the reporter stated
“ we have been favoured with a
peep at the bride’s trousseau."
“ To ha ’em made aforehand,” the
farmer said, “ showed pretty well
as how the lady had made up her
mind to wear ’em arterwards.”
What’s his Name?—We may
truly say that the inventor of the
steam-engine was a man of great
engine-uity.
Useful Recipe : To Make Two Soups of One Thing.—
Buy the Tail of an Ox entire, shave it, and with the hair thus
> obtained make Hair-Soup, reserving the remainder of the
[ purchase for Ox-Tail.
TnE Altar and the Cross.—We always feel sorry for
illiterate brides and bridegrooms who have to put “ their
mark” in the Parish Register; for it seems ominous that
their wedded life should begin with crosses.
Sheriffs’ Officers in the Navy.—More than one officer
during the present war has thrown a live shell overboard.
The officer who could thus take up a bomb, must be quite a
bomb-bailiff.
NOTES FOR MARCH.
Though the year is shortened by
nearly three months, its days are
lengthened.
Mercury will, on the 18th, be
stationary ; but although station-
ery, we have nothing to write upon
him.
A MUSTARD-SEED TABLE.
Amative.—Laura was discon-
solate. Henry had long flirted, but
never put the question. Henry
went his way. Laura’s aunt, for
consolation, brought her a love of
a spaniel pup. “ My dear,” says
the Aunt, “ the puppy can do
everything but speak.” “Why
willyouagoniseme?” says Laura,
“ that’s the only fault I found with
the other.”
Prediction.— The next cam-
paign will open in the month of
March.
How to Tell the position op
the Planets by the Wind.—It
is probable that Vesta will be in
the South when the wind blows a
Sou-Vester.
Memorandum for the Month
of March.—To young ladies—
Now make up your minds and
choose your lover, considering that
you may have too many chaps on
your hands.
Truth for Teetotallers.—
The Porter that is stout will carry
the biggest man beyond the hounds
i of discretion.
Rule for Young House-
keepers.—The smallest possible
waste, without pinching.
Information for Innocents.—
When anybody talks much about
his trials, there is some reason to
i believe him to be a thief.
PATERFAMILIAS SUPERINTENDS IN PERSON THE REMOVAL OF THE SNOW
FROM THE ROOF OF HIS HOUSE.
FACT IN MESMERISM.
A YOUNGmedical student, having
been mesmerised, was thrown into
a state of clairvoyance. On being
asked where he was, he said he was
in the lodgings of the mesmeriser,
his fellow-student. To the question,
what he could see there, he replied
thathe saw the woman of the house
opening the cupboard with a secret
key, and helping herself out of the
gin-bottle.
Legal Advice to Young
Ladies.— Don't accept the hand
of anybody who tells you that he
is going to marry and settle.
Make him settle first, and let him
marry afterwards.
Classical Collar.—The an-
cient Roman ladies are said to
have sometimes adorned them-
selves by tying a live snake round
their neck. The reptile, in that
case, may be said to have been the
lady’s live stock.
“ ’Tis true, ’tis pity ; and pity
’tis ’tis true.”—Honeymoon bliss
sometimes turns out to be mere
moonshine.
NATURAL MISTAKE.
An agricultural gentleman, in
reading a fashionable newspaper,
exploded in a guffaw. On being
entreated to communicate the cause
of his mirth, he pointed to the de-
scription of a “ Marriage in High
Life,” in which the reporter stated
“ we have been favoured with a
peep at the bride’s trousseau."
“ To ha ’em made aforehand,” the
farmer said, “ showed pretty well
as how the lady had made up her
mind to wear ’em arterwards.”
What’s his Name?—We may
truly say that the inventor of the
steam-engine was a man of great
engine-uity.
Useful Recipe : To Make Two Soups of One Thing.—
Buy the Tail of an Ox entire, shave it, and with the hair thus
> obtained make Hair-Soup, reserving the remainder of the
[ purchase for Ox-Tail.
TnE Altar and the Cross.—We always feel sorry for
illiterate brides and bridegrooms who have to put “ their
mark” in the Parish Register; for it seems ominous that
their wedded life should begin with crosses.
Sheriffs’ Officers in the Navy.—More than one officer
during the present war has thrown a live shell overboard.
The officer who could thus take up a bomb, must be quite a
bomb-bailiff.