Punch / Almanack (1856)

PUNCH'S ALMANACK FOR 1856.

FACT "FOR OCTOBER.

collegiate history.

The Oxford and Cambridge terms begin
on the tenth. It is on record, that a
former Dean of Christchurch, walking by
the side of the Isis in company with a
newly-arrived fellow-commoner, remarked
to him, " This, my dear lord, is Isis—may
you be one to take away the Veil." He
retired, and the puzzled aristocrat, who
had not, of course, the faintest idea of his
meaning, stood staring at the water. " Old
cove gamnionin'o'you, being fresh?" said
a pensive bargee. " There's carp here, but
a Vhn.lp, Walker!" lie was silent. "You
be—hanged," said the undaunted noble-
man, pursuing bis walk.

The Judgment op Salomons.—Giving
in charity the £2000 that would have
been expended on Lord Mayor's Show
tomfooleries.

Why is a successful tradesman like a
lion ? Because he carries on a roaring
business.

Wisdom of our Ancestors.—In 1439 the
people, on account of scarcity, made bread
of fern roots, and perhaps a hungry law
student may have swallowed the whole of
Fern's Remainders ; which, if it had been
well digested, would have been bread for
him when he commenced practice.

sermons in Stones. — A Reverend
Geot writes a series of sermons for other
Reverend Gents to pass off as their own,
and gets the manuscripts lithographed.

It is good always to pick a hole in
your neighbour's coat; if it be understood
that you can provide him with a better
oni

Progress.—Numerous convictions take
place under the Game Act and Excise
Laws, evincing the spread of Information.

Im former times the only stage perform-
ances were mysteries. In the present day
the performance of mysteries seems to be
revived.

How to warm a Church.—Differ with
the Bishop of Exeter.

Question for Spirit-Rappers.— Does a
Medium ever get a rap over the knuckles?

PEDESTRTANTSM.

October 1st, the Hon. Miss Barclay,
"the May Fair pet," accomplished the
Herculean feat of walking 500 yards in
two hours. She appeared somewhat dis-
tressed at the conclusion of her task; but
by the evening had so far recovered, that
she undertook to complete the same dis-
tance in fifteen minutes under the two
hours. It is believed, that with proper
training, she will be able to accomplish
this unusual feat.

moral for october.

The party who but drinketh eau,

And unto bed retireth sober,
Shall fall (a punch-fraught song do!h show)

Liko leaves, and leave us in October.

■W in tmmnn shnjie. "Don't fef.l well! Try a Cigar!'

The greatest rise in corn that was ever
known was in the year 1756, when wheat
stacks were "blown up into the air; and in
one part of the country it was only when it
fell upon an aged inhabitant that it was
'• down again to the old figure."

Architectural.—No doubt can be en-
tertained by any enlightened mind, that
the material out of which Englishmen
ought to build their Temple of Liberty is
free-stone.

The Height of Puffery.—A tailor
advertises his superior Chancery suits —
warranted everlasting.

Influence of Suggestion. —Whatman
is there who would purchase sausages,
if he could get them anywhere else, in
Cateaton Street?

An Insanitary Conundrum. — Which
part of the Thames smells the moat ? The
centre.

Players and Pawnbrokers.—The last
resource of the poor actor is to spout
Shakspeare.

Something for the Peace Party.—
Where will you find a more melancholy
individual than an Officer in the Blues?

Animal Clothing.—The horse's coat is
the gift of nature, but a tailor very of en
makes a coat for an ass.

Best Seconds.— " Second thoughts are
best.'

SOMETHING IN THAT!

Now, Tom," said young Joe Wagley, " One of us ought to go on this side of the Hedge, and one on the other; so I'll take this, if you will get

over the Stile."-"Oh yes," replied Tom; "but how about the Bull?"