DOI issue:
Punch's Almanack for 1857
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17034#0005
PUNCH'S ALMANACK FOR 1857.
BEWARE !
B?s3]ffl3K?S of playing Billiards
with a man who carries his own
chalk, and calls the marker Jack.
Be* are (if you have corns) of
waltzing with young ladies who
prefer the trois temps, and are ac-
customed to perpetrate the ex-
ploded Caledonians.
Beware at genteel dinner-tables
of asking for cabbage under any
other name than greens.
Beware, unless you speak French
fluently, of entering a shop in
Paris where you see the notice
" Inglis Spokken."
Beware of hailing empty smni-
buses if time is any object to you.
Beware, of taking Country Cou-
sins shopping, unless you are pre-
pared to turn light-porter, and
carry home their parcels for them.
Beware of laughing at a joke
made by a professed punster, if
you bave any wish not to hear
another.
And, finally, Beware of bringing
home old schoolfellows on clean-
ing days, unless you are prepared
to pay your wife for their dinners
at Swan and Edgar's.
GEOGRAPHICAL MISTAKE.
How can Holland be correctly
termed a portion of the Low
Countries, when every woman in
the territory is a Duchess iv her
own right?
£t. $t)'.Uls. — St. Phillis was a
virgin of noble parentage: but
withal as simple as any shep-
herdess ot curds-and-cream. She
manied a wealthy lord, and had
much pin-money. But when other
ladies wore diamonds and pearls,
St. Phillis only wore a red and
white rose in her hair. Yet her
pin-money bought the best of
jewellery in the happy eyes of the
poor about her. St. Phillis was
rewarded. She lived until four-
score, and still carried the red and
white rose in her face, and left
their fragrance in her memory.
moral for mat.
Did not the clouds of April genial
showers
Upon the thirsty fields and
meadvws empt,
Sweet May would never be adorned
with flowers :
" Familiarity doth breed con-
tempt."
Are your words of more weight
whe » you propound anything than
when you only aniwonw it?
-sCSS Leo is visited by the Queen op
p ^Z' --, Oudk at the Zoological Gardens,
(Sjtec*. —-:- and introduced by Mr. Mitchell
fc.^^---: between two walls of mustin,
> covered with blacks.
sT^ \ \$ £E: An Instantaneous Method
1.1 i for Producing Vinegar.—Praise
ii \ , vl- .j one young lady to another.
Ijll 111 Example for Tradesmen.—
til i 1 i^^—~ Pastry-cooks seldom advertise,
|\u I U»' ~Eir because a large proportion of their
Ml A — goods are puffs in themselves
_2=?SesSk' Consolation for Russia.—It is
S5«a^?*JI" 1 'VV^3^^! VTl^ssS*^- a popular delusion that hot coun-
*~ l—' tries are the most fruitful. On
^__ the contrary, when you are tra-
~^'<^^ ^ jjo _ ->na)Jfi glance at the head-dresses of the
people will convince you that you
are more and more getting into
Old Avnt. —" Well, my love—So you've got a hat like mine, I skk." fur-tile countries.
house where you've never been asked before, and (it you sport
them) will most probably never be again.
If you are at all an absent-minded man, it is prudent not j With respect to the much-vexed question of propriety in the
to venture to a parly in goloshes. Possibly you might forget i practice of bringing your hat into the room with you, we think
to take them off, and so be entering the room upon a question- I it best to give an answer of negation : if for no other reason
rum, have pronounced an equal Open Sesame, to white. There- j tioned for preferring your request are somewhat too numerous
for us to print: but in our opinion there is no one more genteel
than " What d'ye say to a waltz, Miss?" or, "Let you and
me just go in for a galop !" We, hesitate to recommend the
phrase, ''Maiden, wilt tread a measure with thy Tomkins?"
(or whatever else your name may be) because we almost fear
ETIQUETTE FOR EVENING PARTIES. j fore by all means go in ducks if you prefer it; especially to a
By Our Own Brummell.
able footin;
In dressing for an evening party, always bear in mind the
maxim, "Ease before elegance." Many a good waltzer has
been forced into a wallflower through the tortures of having a
new pair of boots on. If you have strength of mind you will
avoid such a fate, even at the cost ol appearing in your bluchers.
Recollect, black troupers are not indispensables. The authorities
at the Opera, who are the last to admit any breaches of deco-
than that yon might tempt some ultra fast young lady to put
the vulgar tnery to you, " Who's your hatter? " If however
you desire to create a sensation, you cannot do so easier than
—if you affect a white hat with black crape round it—by
keeping it tinder your arm throughout Cue entire evening.
When you desire to dance with aynung lady, it is necessary
to obtain an introduction by her parents; or, if they be absent,
by her nearest relative. The forms which etiquette has sanc-
it has become a little obsolete.
Should you be called upon to propose your entertainer's
heaJth, and feel at all diffident about your eloquence, you had
better plainly state that you are no orator as Brutus was, but
that you have no objection to sing a song, if that, will do as
well. And then for fear of your proposal being negatived,
ycfi had better strike up at once the first thing that occurs to
you—say Bobbin' Around or the Ratcatcher's Daughter, either
of which would be nicely appropriate to the occasion.
WHILE A RESPECTABLE ELDERLY FEMALE TAKES CARE OF THE HOUSE IN TOWN.
BEWARE !
B?s3]ffl3K?S of playing Billiards
with a man who carries his own
chalk, and calls the marker Jack.
Be* are (if you have corns) of
waltzing with young ladies who
prefer the trois temps, and are ac-
customed to perpetrate the ex-
ploded Caledonians.
Beware at genteel dinner-tables
of asking for cabbage under any
other name than greens.
Beware, unless you speak French
fluently, of entering a shop in
Paris where you see the notice
" Inglis Spokken."
Beware of hailing empty smni-
buses if time is any object to you.
Beware, of taking Country Cou-
sins shopping, unless you are pre-
pared to turn light-porter, and
carry home their parcels for them.
Beware of laughing at a joke
made by a professed punster, if
you bave any wish not to hear
another.
And, finally, Beware of bringing
home old schoolfellows on clean-
ing days, unless you are prepared
to pay your wife for their dinners
at Swan and Edgar's.
GEOGRAPHICAL MISTAKE.
How can Holland be correctly
termed a portion of the Low
Countries, when every woman in
the territory is a Duchess iv her
own right?
£t. $t)'.Uls. — St. Phillis was a
virgin of noble parentage: but
withal as simple as any shep-
herdess ot curds-and-cream. She
manied a wealthy lord, and had
much pin-money. But when other
ladies wore diamonds and pearls,
St. Phillis only wore a red and
white rose in her hair. Yet her
pin-money bought the best of
jewellery in the happy eyes of the
poor about her. St. Phillis was
rewarded. She lived until four-
score, and still carried the red and
white rose in her face, and left
their fragrance in her memory.
moral for mat.
Did not the clouds of April genial
showers
Upon the thirsty fields and
meadvws empt,
Sweet May would never be adorned
with flowers :
" Familiarity doth breed con-
tempt."
Are your words of more weight
whe » you propound anything than
when you only aniwonw it?
-sCSS Leo is visited by the Queen op
p ^Z' --, Oudk at the Zoological Gardens,
(Sjtec*. —-:- and introduced by Mr. Mitchell
fc.^^---: between two walls of mustin,
> covered with blacks.
sT^ \ \$ £E: An Instantaneous Method
1.1 i for Producing Vinegar.—Praise
ii \ , vl- .j one young lady to another.
Ijll 111 Example for Tradesmen.—
til i 1 i^^—~ Pastry-cooks seldom advertise,
|\u I U»' ~Eir because a large proportion of their
Ml A — goods are puffs in themselves
_2=?SesSk' Consolation for Russia.—It is
S5«a^?*JI" 1 'VV^3^^! VTl^ssS*^- a popular delusion that hot coun-
*~ l—' tries are the most fruitful. On
^__ the contrary, when you are tra-
~^'<^^ ^ jjo _ ->na)Jfi glance at the head-dresses of the
people will convince you that you
are more and more getting into
Old Avnt. —" Well, my love—So you've got a hat like mine, I skk." fur-tile countries.
house where you've never been asked before, and (it you sport
them) will most probably never be again.
If you are at all an absent-minded man, it is prudent not j With respect to the much-vexed question of propriety in the
to venture to a parly in goloshes. Possibly you might forget i practice of bringing your hat into the room with you, we think
to take them off, and so be entering the room upon a question- I it best to give an answer of negation : if for no other reason
rum, have pronounced an equal Open Sesame, to white. There- j tioned for preferring your request are somewhat too numerous
for us to print: but in our opinion there is no one more genteel
than " What d'ye say to a waltz, Miss?" or, "Let you and
me just go in for a galop !" We, hesitate to recommend the
phrase, ''Maiden, wilt tread a measure with thy Tomkins?"
(or whatever else your name may be) because we almost fear
ETIQUETTE FOR EVENING PARTIES. j fore by all means go in ducks if you prefer it; especially to a
By Our Own Brummell.
able footin;
In dressing for an evening party, always bear in mind the
maxim, "Ease before elegance." Many a good waltzer has
been forced into a wallflower through the tortures of having a
new pair of boots on. If you have strength of mind you will
avoid such a fate, even at the cost ol appearing in your bluchers.
Recollect, black troupers are not indispensables. The authorities
at the Opera, who are the last to admit any breaches of deco-
than that yon might tempt some ultra fast young lady to put
the vulgar tnery to you, " Who's your hatter? " If however
you desire to create a sensation, you cannot do so easier than
—if you affect a white hat with black crape round it—by
keeping it tinder your arm throughout Cue entire evening.
When you desire to dance with aynung lady, it is necessary
to obtain an introduction by her parents; or, if they be absent,
by her nearest relative. The forms which etiquette has sanc-
it has become a little obsolete.
Should you be called upon to propose your entertainer's
heaJth, and feel at all diffident about your eloquence, you had
better plainly state that you are no orator as Brutus was, but
that you have no objection to sing a song, if that, will do as
well. And then for fear of your proposal being negatived,
ycfi had better strike up at once the first thing that occurs to
you—say Bobbin' Around or the Ratcatcher's Daughter, either
of which would be nicely appropriate to the occasion.
WHILE A RESPECTABLE ELDERLY FEMALE TAKES CARE OF THE HOUSE IN TOWN.