Punch / Almanack (1858)

PUNCH'S ALMANACK FOR 1858.

THE PLEASANT LETTER-
WRITER.
June.

I'rorn a Husband to his Wife.

London Bridge Station, 7 "45.
Dear Angelina,

I find that business makes
it absolutely necessary that I
should run over to Paris, and i
do not know how long it may
detain me. I therefore write,
first, that you may not be sur-
prised at my not coming home
to-night, and next to say that I
think you had better give up any
idea of the Continent this year,

fear that travel might knock you
up. 80 I have written to a man
at Broadstairs to secure a house
for you, and you can go when you
like. My cashier has a cheque
which he will send you to-
morrow, and the same every
Saturday till I return. Kiss the
darling ones for their

Affectionate Father,
Mrs. Brown. Edwin.

P.S. It seems absurd while one
is so near Mont Blanc and Naples
not to see them. I shall therefore
run on. You can go and hear
Albert Smith's lecture, which I
dare say is quite as pleasant as
the real thing, and we can com-
pare notes hereafter.

When was Grisi like an
earthquake? When her shakes
" brought down the house."

THINGS PRETT^T^
RALLY KN0;Q%

That a „„l— .

That a cabman', „
than 1760 yards ^ is U

That authors who „..
tempt for prefaces,
write one. cs Hvatial

That, whenabettin f
he '11 "take" yon v,
ifhecan,he'iri^1StS
That "property-tC,!11 S
atresarenot ealkdSO f »l%
being gentlemen ofnrn„ S

That tourists who
lish on the Continent P'*^.
where charged double

health is far from^ good, and I , JflflBBHK^^JM.h^^ | at L06, no "oneTve»

having won more than "

--------UU'W

or so. v

That no young lady ne
be helped to wine without,
sisting on its being "theWi
drop in the world, then." ^
That, when you pay a ,isit ft
Stamp Act does not force ji!
t*ce a stamped receipt.

That there is not the slights 1'^
impropriety in _ saying that .If,!
Bachelor of Music is "weddeii. 1%
bis Art."

LITTLE DINNER AT GREENWICH.

Fish Sicell. " Here, Waitaw !—Are the Whitemen Pretty Good ?'

Parallel Existences,-a ^
cret, like an oyster, cannot ^
kept too close—for the mo^.
it is opened it ceases to exist. '"'

Stay-Laces are the worsts,
nections that a lady can he y
with, and the best thing she a
do with such connections in
cut them.

Ignorant people should not be oracular. Tne Scotchman
who devised the clannish proverb, " Bluid is thicker than
water," was miserably unacquainted with the Thame3.

Vulgar Hint to a Toung Lady who wants an Offer.
—The best time to nail a man is when he is half-screwed.

Insane Conundrum.—Why is a thing difficult to describe
like a chronometer ?—Because it is a watch-you-may-call-it.

A Brute.—A disagreeable cynic remarked, in a public
lecture on Speech, that animals and women express them-
selves in interjections.

Musical Inspiration'.—Mendelssohnderivedaft
from the singing of the kettle, which suggested to 1
idea of composing Songs toithout Words.

The Language of Flowers.—The dumb nettles:
the acceptance of an offer. Silence gives consent,

I »!>

to

m

m

m
m
ki

III'11:

0

Hit

ii w

\m

"If to0 want a nuiQ done, do it Yourself " As for John Thomas, the best Plan, of course, is to wait upon HIM, and then, perhaps (although it by ho | ^ jjj

follows), He may be Satisfied!

[As most Domestics are fond of the Organ-grinders, you had better engage one of an evening for their aii^