Punch / Almanack (1859)

PUNCH'S ALMANACK FOR 1859.

BIRTHDAY PRESENTS.

jy a serious DIARIST.

i-t9 Mv dear sister Adelaide's
K'T This vale of life is thickly set

** is continuously dissatisfied
1 t feel it right not to let a sister's
tlljt J faithfulness go unmarked, and a
]0Zwhich once I bestowed on Ade-
kSas often been matterof reproach.

u"'"'either JIaP.ia or Adelaide know
ind ■"

KLrterneither would grudge it to

wf lunTthat bracelet, dropped in my
»u.touu. UDworthy female client who

ther To-day we had an altercation,
2wa having a fatal memory for dates,

JI was asked how much I had laid out
precious sister. Reproved Maria
"X 8eVerity, and left h^r in tears. It

not for me to tell her that Adelaide
Ills more of certain past transactions
Li could desire the world to know.
Sd on dear Adelaide, and gave her
Znt Betty's garnets, on the understand-
Lshe got them reset, and was silent on
thosuhject. May she keep so !

the glomes of november.

(jUf Fawkes rides about this time,
Borne by boys in chair sublime,
Sat step is the Lord Mayor's fuss :
f bicli is most ridiculous t

Definition. By a Lady.—Tyranny is
la's prerogative—submission Woman's
stiny. »
Punctuality.— With kings, a polite-
ss; with men, a business; with women,
past-time,

Siw6TioN for the Stupid.—Never
(link of saying Bo to a goose. Say beau

(thegander—6ei?c to the goose.

i Forward Child. — An infant two
months old, taken an airing, crowed at a
"Caution to Trespassers " on a board in a
itatation. The nurse remarked that it
rabeginninfr to " take notice."

Jrtra by a Man of the World._

Verrefuss assistance to a friend in dis-
iwb, unless you are quite sure that you
ill! never be in a position to require his
*ireturn, or if you am, that you won't
((lit

ADVICE TO EVENING PARTY GIVERS.

by one who never gave one.

Rake up crops of visiting cards which
happen to have fine names on them, and
plant them out conspicuously in a bowl
in the back drawing-room. If you chance
to have a lord or two among your card-
leaving acquaintances, you may be sure
your wife has treasured up their paste-
board ; and you will of course take care
to sow it broad-cast on the surface.

Be sure you have your ice-room as re-
mote and unget-at-able as possible. You
may make a very little ice go a long way,
if you make those who want it have a
long way to go for it.

In planting out your Wall-flowers, bo
sure you set them all in the least eligible
places, and where they will be certain to
be most in the way.

If you get the chance of choosing a
partner for a swell, take pains to introduce
him to the dowdiest of the dowdies. The
coupling probably will prove a pleasing
novelty to both, and may perhaps afford
some amusement to the company.

In order to prevent your " band " from
getting tipsy, take care not to give them
anything that can by any accident get
into their heads. In return they may in-
dulge you with Handel's "Water Music;"
but don't yield to such sarcasm, or they
may signalise their victory by playing
'' Drops of Brandy."

PRIVATE OPINION.

Little Shrimpton. " Hah! They may laugh ! But I mean to say that the Beard is

a great ornament, and gives dignity to the human figure ! "

proof of a helpless old bachelor.

" I always know a helpless old Bache-
lor (says a clever lady) by looking at the
corners of his pocket-handkerchief. If I
notice in them any little pieces of red,
blue, or yellow worsted—such as washer-
women run in to identify the property of
each separate customer,—I know at once
that he has no one at home to mark his
linen, and that he must be a poor, pitiful,
misanthropical, friendless, helpless old
Bachelor." _

Memorandum on Marketing.—The
freshness of fish may be judged of by the
brightness of their eyes. The eye is the
window of the sole.

Seasonable Weather—In the very
finest November, the fog is much mist.