DOI issue:
Punch’s Almanack for 1862
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17015#0006
PUNCH’S ALMANACK FOR 1862
WISH FOE OCTOBER.
Elegant Stranger. Don’t name
it, M’m. Allow me to help you
over the crossing. These London
omnibuses are very reckless,
and Pickford’s van-men are all
ruffians.
Old Lady. I am sure you are
very polite, Sir. • I am very much
obliged to you, Sir.
Elegant Stranger. The obliga-
tion is on my side, M’m. Good
morning. (Dives down Court.)
Old Lady (hand in pocket). O !
O Lor ! O, I’m robbed, I’m poc-
ketpicketed, I’m swindled !
General Public. What’s the mat-
ter, old girl?
Old Lady. I wish there was no
Dividend Day. (Quivering.)
HINT BY ONE WHO MAKES
CALLS.
The last infirmity of noble
minds
Is squinting at you through
Venetian blinds.
A Fool’s Advice.—Under Lu-
nar Influences, says Zadkiel,
“ begin new undertakings.” This
recommendation can only be
addressed to the insane members
of Necropolis Companies.
Theatrical Novelty.—A New
Equestrian Domestic Drama is
produced at Astley’s. The Heavy
Father rides 20 stone !
Latest from Paris.—The po-
pular requirement to “ Wait for
the Waggon ” obviously denotes a
four-gnu conclusion. Oh !
The Corporation on the
Blockade. — Plenty of pods
among us ; but no cotton.
THE VOLUNTEER MOVEMENT.
Small Effective. “—and then, just look at the immense Improvement in the Personal Appearance of
our Fellows ! ”
SANITARY DIRECTIONS FOR
SERVANTS.
(For the Nursemaid.)
The hotter your nursery is kept
the better, or the children will
be sure to catch cold. For the
same reason insist on curtains
to the children’s beds, and always
draw them close.
If your mistress is unreason-
able enough to take them down,
you can put up a shawl, or blan-
ket, when she leaves the room.
Be sparing of cold water, and
indeed of the bath generally.
The instinct of infants protests
against washing, in spite of the
inhuman prejudice in its favour
now prevalent.
If you meet an acquaintance
when walking with the children,
stop and chat, especially when
the wind is East. It will harden
the Uttle things—a great point
in this variable climate.
Always use pins in the under-
clothing of infants. Strings will
come off. An occasional prick
supplies a wholesome stimulus
to the infantine lungs.
Always give children whatever
they cry for. Nature teaches them
to express their wants, which
it would be cruelty to thwart.
Give bread and butter, sweet-
meats, &c., between the chil-
dren’s meals. It will prevent
them over-eating themselves.
Always keep your foul linen
near at hand. A dirty frock or
petticoat may often come in
handy in the absence of dusters
or towels.
Wash the floor of the nursery
often. The evaporation will as-
similate the atmosphere indoors
to that outside, and save the
children from sudden changes of
temperature.
Natural.—The old woman who boiled her tea in her
stewpan was misled thereto by hearing that tea is strongest
when “ it’s stood. ’ ’
Natural Indignation.—Why did M. Du Chaillu get so
angry as he did when he was chaffed about the Gorilla?
Because his monkey was up.
Legislation on the Safety Lamp.—To prevent those
colliery explosions, which are of so frequent occurrence,
be it enacted that every miner on descending into the coal-
pit, shall be required to take his Davy.
Advice to Crown Lawyers. — Employ a hydropathic
doctor, if you want to pack a j ury.
A True Philanthropist.—A female begging impostor
importuning a member of the Mendicity Society to give
her a “copper,” the benevolent gentleman replied that she
should have one, if she would only leave off begging, and
take in washing
Music Readily Acquired.—Stealing a March.
ENGLISH DARLINGS REFLECTED IN A FRENCH MIRROR!
(Dedicated to those Polite and Profound Observers of British Manners and Customs—the Parisian Artists !)
WISH FOE OCTOBER.
Elegant Stranger. Don’t name
it, M’m. Allow me to help you
over the crossing. These London
omnibuses are very reckless,
and Pickford’s van-men are all
ruffians.
Old Lady. I am sure you are
very polite, Sir. • I am very much
obliged to you, Sir.
Elegant Stranger. The obliga-
tion is on my side, M’m. Good
morning. (Dives down Court.)
Old Lady (hand in pocket). O !
O Lor ! O, I’m robbed, I’m poc-
ketpicketed, I’m swindled !
General Public. What’s the mat-
ter, old girl?
Old Lady. I wish there was no
Dividend Day. (Quivering.)
HINT BY ONE WHO MAKES
CALLS.
The last infirmity of noble
minds
Is squinting at you through
Venetian blinds.
A Fool’s Advice.—Under Lu-
nar Influences, says Zadkiel,
“ begin new undertakings.” This
recommendation can only be
addressed to the insane members
of Necropolis Companies.
Theatrical Novelty.—A New
Equestrian Domestic Drama is
produced at Astley’s. The Heavy
Father rides 20 stone !
Latest from Paris.—The po-
pular requirement to “ Wait for
the Waggon ” obviously denotes a
four-gnu conclusion. Oh !
The Corporation on the
Blockade. — Plenty of pods
among us ; but no cotton.
THE VOLUNTEER MOVEMENT.
Small Effective. “—and then, just look at the immense Improvement in the Personal Appearance of
our Fellows ! ”
SANITARY DIRECTIONS FOR
SERVANTS.
(For the Nursemaid.)
The hotter your nursery is kept
the better, or the children will
be sure to catch cold. For the
same reason insist on curtains
to the children’s beds, and always
draw them close.
If your mistress is unreason-
able enough to take them down,
you can put up a shawl, or blan-
ket, when she leaves the room.
Be sparing of cold water, and
indeed of the bath generally.
The instinct of infants protests
against washing, in spite of the
inhuman prejudice in its favour
now prevalent.
If you meet an acquaintance
when walking with the children,
stop and chat, especially when
the wind is East. It will harden
the Uttle things—a great point
in this variable climate.
Always use pins in the under-
clothing of infants. Strings will
come off. An occasional prick
supplies a wholesome stimulus
to the infantine lungs.
Always give children whatever
they cry for. Nature teaches them
to express their wants, which
it would be cruelty to thwart.
Give bread and butter, sweet-
meats, &c., between the chil-
dren’s meals. It will prevent
them over-eating themselves.
Always keep your foul linen
near at hand. A dirty frock or
petticoat may often come in
handy in the absence of dusters
or towels.
Wash the floor of the nursery
often. The evaporation will as-
similate the atmosphere indoors
to that outside, and save the
children from sudden changes of
temperature.
Natural.—The old woman who boiled her tea in her
stewpan was misled thereto by hearing that tea is strongest
when “ it’s stood. ’ ’
Natural Indignation.—Why did M. Du Chaillu get so
angry as he did when he was chaffed about the Gorilla?
Because his monkey was up.
Legislation on the Safety Lamp.—To prevent those
colliery explosions, which are of so frequent occurrence,
be it enacted that every miner on descending into the coal-
pit, shall be required to take his Davy.
Advice to Crown Lawyers. — Employ a hydropathic
doctor, if you want to pack a j ury.
A True Philanthropist.—A female begging impostor
importuning a member of the Mendicity Society to give
her a “copper,” the benevolent gentleman replied that she
should have one, if she would only leave off begging, and
take in washing
Music Readily Acquired.—Stealing a March.
ENGLISH DARLINGS REFLECTED IN A FRENCH MIRROR!
(Dedicated to those Polite and Profound Observers of British Manners and Customs—the Parisian Artists !)