DOI issue:
Punch’s Almanack for 1862
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17015#0012
PUNCH’S ALMANACK FOB 1862
HALF A CENTURY HENCE.
{Extracts from the Diary of Evelyn Pepys
Jones.
“ August 8. This being my birth-day,
my wife gives me a new gun, and the
lease of a good moor, both bought with
her saved pin-money. How much wiser
is this way of spending her spare money
than in squandering it absurdly on acres
of tine dresses, as our grandmothers were
wont to do some fifty years ago ! And
what hideous frights they looked in their
Crinoline and flounces, and feathered
york-pie hats and cramping high-heeled
Foots, the Punch papers of the period,
which one sees in every drawing-room,
mfficiently well prove.
“ September 1. A glorious day’s shooting
with my friend Crackshot in Suffolk.
We start quietly at ten after a cigar, and
hag ten brace apiece before we have our
lunch. Total bag at finish five-aud-twenty
brace of birds, leash of hares, two couple
of rabbits and a snipe ; all, except the
latter, shot fairly from a point. How
much more pleasant this than the un-
sportsmanlike old way of going out in a
great party without a single pointer, and
counting one’s day’s pleasure only by the
quantity of game that one could bag !
Such follies as battues are now com-
pletely out of date, and it is thought the
height of snobbism to endeavour to revive
them. Certainly in some respects we have
improved upon our ancestors, although,
judging by their writings, they thought
themselves as near perfection as was pos-
sible to be.”
WISH FOR JULY.
Schoolboy. It don't rain, Ma, at least
not much. You might let a fellow go out.
Mo. Charles, I will not hear of it, and
your pertinacity is disrespectful to a
parent. It rains fast, and your new
clothes will be entirely spoiled.
schoolboy. No, they won’t, Ma.
Ma. I repeat that they will, Charles.
Don't look black at the weather. We
have always rail, at this time.
S,hoolboy. I wish there was no St.
Swithin’s Day. {Scratching paint off some-
where. )
Medical Domestic Economy. — Stale
dry bread is a very effectual check t©
juvenile consumption.
TOO DELICATE BY HALF.
Sensitive Party. “Hollo! Hold 'ard a minnit, Mary, you’re a smothering vun
with dust!”
JONES’S MEDITATIONS.
That man may be considered happy in
his choice who can take his wife down
Regent Street without stopping at a
shawl-shop.
Monstrous is the appetite of youth.
Nevertheless untoasted muffins are not
easily demolished.
As thorns are to the rose, so are pins
to lovely woman. A female in full dress
is never unprotected.
It is said that, as a rule, favours ought
to be returned. But to this rule clearly
there are some exceptions. Who for
instance ever dreams of returning Wed-
ding Favours ?
Surely that man may bo envied who
can eat pork chops for supper and sleep
without a grunt.
Milliners’ bills are the tax which the
male sex has to pay for the beauty of the
female.
Alas ! my son, how fleeting is a!
earthly bliss ! Did you ever meet a m m
who greatly cared for turtle soup a.ier
the fourth plateful ?
SONG BY MR. SOWERBY.
AT AN EVENING PARTY.
Many a couple past us whirls,
Fine young fellows, handsome girls.
Pleasing spectacle to view,
Spectacles albeit through.
Madam, mark yon fair young maid ;
Sir, observe thar, well-built blade.
Once, perhaps, like her and him,
You were graceful, smart, and slim.
WISH FOR AUGUST.
The Sovereign. 1 am sure, my dear Lord
Palmerston, that I am glad to release you
from your labours
Lord Po.liners on. Permit me to beg,
your Majesty, that you will not call them
so. Some of the older men feel them, but
as for me—
The Sovereign. Well, well, but we must
not spur a willing horse. I am very happy
to think the holidays begin.
Lord Palmerston. I wish there was no
Prorogation Day. {Bowing).
When you open your heart, be always
ready to slam it to again.
Jones Prepares a little Surprise for his Mary Ann, and has his Equestrian Portrait taken. He remarks, “’Ang it you know, if I do have my Cart*
DONE, I DON’T SEE WHY I SHOULDN’T ’AVE MY' 'OrSE ! ”
HALF A CENTURY HENCE.
{Extracts from the Diary of Evelyn Pepys
Jones.
“ August 8. This being my birth-day,
my wife gives me a new gun, and the
lease of a good moor, both bought with
her saved pin-money. How much wiser
is this way of spending her spare money
than in squandering it absurdly on acres
of tine dresses, as our grandmothers were
wont to do some fifty years ago ! And
what hideous frights they looked in their
Crinoline and flounces, and feathered
york-pie hats and cramping high-heeled
Foots, the Punch papers of the period,
which one sees in every drawing-room,
mfficiently well prove.
“ September 1. A glorious day’s shooting
with my friend Crackshot in Suffolk.
We start quietly at ten after a cigar, and
hag ten brace apiece before we have our
lunch. Total bag at finish five-aud-twenty
brace of birds, leash of hares, two couple
of rabbits and a snipe ; all, except the
latter, shot fairly from a point. How
much more pleasant this than the un-
sportsmanlike old way of going out in a
great party without a single pointer, and
counting one’s day’s pleasure only by the
quantity of game that one could bag !
Such follies as battues are now com-
pletely out of date, and it is thought the
height of snobbism to endeavour to revive
them. Certainly in some respects we have
improved upon our ancestors, although,
judging by their writings, they thought
themselves as near perfection as was pos-
sible to be.”
WISH FOR JULY.
Schoolboy. It don't rain, Ma, at least
not much. You might let a fellow go out.
Mo. Charles, I will not hear of it, and
your pertinacity is disrespectful to a
parent. It rains fast, and your new
clothes will be entirely spoiled.
schoolboy. No, they won’t, Ma.
Ma. I repeat that they will, Charles.
Don't look black at the weather. We
have always rail, at this time.
S,hoolboy. I wish there was no St.
Swithin’s Day. {Scratching paint off some-
where. )
Medical Domestic Economy. — Stale
dry bread is a very effectual check t©
juvenile consumption.
TOO DELICATE BY HALF.
Sensitive Party. “Hollo! Hold 'ard a minnit, Mary, you’re a smothering vun
with dust!”
JONES’S MEDITATIONS.
That man may be considered happy in
his choice who can take his wife down
Regent Street without stopping at a
shawl-shop.
Monstrous is the appetite of youth.
Nevertheless untoasted muffins are not
easily demolished.
As thorns are to the rose, so are pins
to lovely woman. A female in full dress
is never unprotected.
It is said that, as a rule, favours ought
to be returned. But to this rule clearly
there are some exceptions. Who for
instance ever dreams of returning Wed-
ding Favours ?
Surely that man may bo envied who
can eat pork chops for supper and sleep
without a grunt.
Milliners’ bills are the tax which the
male sex has to pay for the beauty of the
female.
Alas ! my son, how fleeting is a!
earthly bliss ! Did you ever meet a m m
who greatly cared for turtle soup a.ier
the fourth plateful ?
SONG BY MR. SOWERBY.
AT AN EVENING PARTY.
Many a couple past us whirls,
Fine young fellows, handsome girls.
Pleasing spectacle to view,
Spectacles albeit through.
Madam, mark yon fair young maid ;
Sir, observe thar, well-built blade.
Once, perhaps, like her and him,
You were graceful, smart, and slim.
WISH FOR AUGUST.
The Sovereign. 1 am sure, my dear Lord
Palmerston, that I am glad to release you
from your labours
Lord Po.liners on. Permit me to beg,
your Majesty, that you will not call them
so. Some of the older men feel them, but
as for me—
The Sovereign. Well, well, but we must
not spur a willing horse. I am very happy
to think the holidays begin.
Lord Palmerston. I wish there was no
Prorogation Day. {Bowing).
When you open your heart, be always
ready to slam it to again.
Jones Prepares a little Surprise for his Mary Ann, and has his Equestrian Portrait taken. He remarks, “’Ang it you know, if I do have my Cart*
DONE, I DON’T SEE WHY I SHOULDN’T ’AVE MY' 'OrSE ! ”