DOI issue:
Punch's Almanack for 1877
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17768#0011
PUNCH'S ALMANACK FOR 1877.
[December 14,167(
ASTRONOMICAL AND SCIENTIFIC REMARKS.
(For Students and Examiners.)
Q. Ia the Earth ever at rest P
A. Never: and not likely to be as long as its principles of action
have a tendency to keep.it in a perpetual state of revolution.
Q. The Earth moves, eh ?
A. Yes, at a meeting of the planets it always moves a resolution.
Q. That is not an answer. Is it an ascertained fact that the Earth
moves ?
A. No: but it is an ascertained fact that the sea does, and the
effect is most unpleasant. Judging from our sensations on shore,
which are generally of a pleasurable character, we should say that
the Earth does not move. But send a boy out to watch. I'll go, if
you'll give me five shillings.
How to get rid of a Bore.—Make an appointment to meet
him on Waterloo Bridge, and throw Mm over.
I'W
2 T
?F
■4 S
5 s
( M
7 IT..
blw
!#|Tl.
I OIK
US
Limnw. 1 2 S ;1 1 «f.Tr ||23 Th W-lUc® bd
Saa brink < j 13 m O 24f S. KmUIioIo.
9.r.4h^8m U;Tm B. Bornv 1(25 8 F»t..day d.
-h.4ln»r 15 W W. Scott b Ij-jff g 13*
10 S Mf. l I
lidA)
>1. a
Q C-rol.
j H. .vilr«r
Dryden b.
,C. K>im b
[Dr. Mo d L
11> Tli
U.Vioiivillf |
17 V
Koulton d '
lihS
K 1 I.;
119 S
12a.*f 1r
12') M
Saratoga
21 Tn
Wm IV ». .
22 W
H Bonw'rth
Mt.'lr.
27 M li- V#rn«utl
2tt Ti.j It. Lripaic
iUj\V J Locke b.
lOjTI- It. Mouion
U K j liunyhQ d.
August.
LITTLE TOMMY'S QUESTIONS.
for july.
Why are Florie and Chad wick (that's Curly wig)
always together ?
Why do they always sit together in the morning
room ?
Why does Florie give me shillings not to sing a
song about the baboon who married the monkey's
w®? lister ?
®V\\ Why doesn't old Chaddy like being called " Daddy
®v\\\l T.onglegs " when I come down to dessert ?
%|{ Why does Effie laugh at the name ?
ffljlw'ft Why does Florie say she knows why Effie encou-
IP I'M I'a!re8 me to be rude ?
W Why does Effie want to know what Florie
. ieans i
Why does Florie ask again after Mrs. Rubric !
1 s
15 Sn af.Tr
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23 M
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2 M
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s
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Punch t.'41
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Sherlock u.
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July.
AUTUMN TINTS.
Believers in the Canards of the silly season—
Green.
Mater familias when pater familias suggests post-
ponement of the autumnal outing—Black.
Paterfamilias totting up the expenses of ditto ditto—
Blue.
Laura's cheeks when the long expected " pop " is
brought off at Scarborough—Couleur-de-Rose.
Ditto, ditto, when papa and mamma "won't have it"
—White.
Tip-tilted noses exposed to nipping equinoctials-
Red.
Lady Fitz Falderal's locks when she arrived at
" that out of the way hole," Slowcum-on-Splash—
Golden.
Ditto ditto after a week's sickness and the loss of her
dressing-case—Grey.
Jack Impecu's holiday suit (third season's wearing)
—Russet.
M.P's. autumnal "spout" to his constituents—
Party-coloured.
Native Land of Knowledge.—The Isle of Scio.
THE CAP-AND-BELL CALENDAR.
July.
July ! Mercury up to " melting."
Grand to see great gabies pelting
After, what ? A leathern sphere !
True " pursuit of folly " here.
What would old Erasmus say ?
I swig " Iccd Hatfield," and survey.
Girls look on, their bored&m's shocking,
Might set Mephistopheltf mocking.
Cricket, perfect type of life.
Dull display and aimless strife.
Need no other goose-round try
Than " the Oval " in July.
THE NEW CRUSHER QUADRILLE.
(A most fashionable dance, as performed at the most crowded
balls of the season.)
First Figure. La Pastafoke.—Opposite couples
set-to and squeeze, walk on each other's toes, attempt
to turn round, fail completely, and return to their places.
Chaine des dames. Struggle of gentlemen to recover
their respective partners.
Second Figure. L'Etalone.—Advance three inches
to opposite lady. Drive your elbows into crowding
neighbours. Walk through both dancers' skirts, and
back into opposite gentleman's waistcoat. Exchange
cards. Set to your partner. Balancez on next man's
instep, and apologise. Mop foreheads all round.
Third Figure. La Lonq Poule et la Poule all
together.—Hands across and back again. Wriggle up
to vis-a-vis. Carry off polonaises and round dos-d-dos.
Olear your legs, and close with your partner. Surge to
right and left, and resume position as you were. Take
out a reef in waistcoat.
Fourth Figure. La Touchandgo.—Advance, if
possible. Lift your partner on to your vis-a-vis. Re-
main deaf to all expostulations. Chassez-croisez. See
what you can, and return to your places. Lose tail of
your coat, and swear silently. Cavalier seal.
Fifth Figure. Grand Corn Galop.—Up and down
on your own ground and your neighbours' corns. Pas
seul on an Alderman's pet bunion. Change partners,
to your own advantage, if possible. Get hopelessly
mixed up with another set, and sink exhausted and
completely crushed behind a block of ice. whither three
couple have already retreated in hopes of a breath of
air.
LITTLE TOMMY'S QUESTIONS.
for august.
Why is Florie to be married next month ?
Why does Papa say he requires change of air ?
Why is he going to Paris with his friend, Mr. Sky-
lark ?
Why does Mamma say it is shameful ?
Why does Papa quarrel with Mamma ?
Why does Papa get out his cheque-book ?
Why does Mamma sigh, and kiss him ?
Why mayn't I go to Paris with Papa, as well as
Mr. Skylark?
THE CAP-AND-BELL CALENDAR.
August.
August ! Mimes raise one more Moloch,
Quit the wicket and the rowlock.
At the sea-side, those who've leisure-
Toil, stare, weary,—call it " pleasure."
Society! a Simple Simon
That might tickle sternest Timou.
Edwin wooes his Angelina
To sound of nigger's concertina.
Pater familias spends much money,
To be bored, B. flatted. (Funny !)
Till sent home by early raw-gust,
Which he thanks. I do love August.
MEM. BY MOSHESH.
Thish practish of punning, now growing the rule,
Needsh — like those who add monish to monish ■
admonishment.
I 'd deal capital punishment out to the fool
Wliosh ev'ry remark for a capital pun ish meant !
[December 14,167(
ASTRONOMICAL AND SCIENTIFIC REMARKS.
(For Students and Examiners.)
Q. Ia the Earth ever at rest P
A. Never: and not likely to be as long as its principles of action
have a tendency to keep.it in a perpetual state of revolution.
Q. The Earth moves, eh ?
A. Yes, at a meeting of the planets it always moves a resolution.
Q. That is not an answer. Is it an ascertained fact that the Earth
moves ?
A. No: but it is an ascertained fact that the sea does, and the
effect is most unpleasant. Judging from our sensations on shore,
which are generally of a pleasurable character, we should say that
the Earth does not move. But send a boy out to watch. I'll go, if
you'll give me five shillings.
How to get rid of a Bore.—Make an appointment to meet
him on Waterloo Bridge, and throw Mm over.
I'W
2 T
?F
■4 S
5 s
( M
7 IT..
blw
!#|Tl.
I OIK
US
Limnw. 1 2 S ;1 1 «f.Tr ||23 Th W-lUc® bd
Saa brink < j 13 m O 24f S. KmUIioIo.
9.r.4h^8m U;Tm B. Bornv 1(25 8 F»t..day d.
-h.4ln»r 15 W W. Scott b Ij-jff g 13*
10 S Mf. l I
lidA)
>1. a
Q C-rol.
j H. .vilr«r
Dryden b.
,C. K>im b
[Dr. Mo d L
11> Tli
U.Vioiivillf |
17 V
Koulton d '
lihS
K 1 I.;
119 S
12a.*f 1r
12') M
Saratoga
21 Tn
Wm IV ». .
22 W
H Bonw'rth
Mt.'lr.
27 M li- V#rn«utl
2tt Ti.j It. Lripaic
iUj\V J Locke b.
lOjTI- It. Mouion
U K j liunyhQ d.
August.
LITTLE TOMMY'S QUESTIONS.
for july.
Why are Florie and Chad wick (that's Curly wig)
always together ?
Why do they always sit together in the morning
room ?
Why does Florie give me shillings not to sing a
song about the baboon who married the monkey's
w®? lister ?
®V\\ Why doesn't old Chaddy like being called " Daddy
®v\\\l T.onglegs " when I come down to dessert ?
%|{ Why does Effie laugh at the name ?
ffljlw'ft Why does Florie say she knows why Effie encou-
IP I'M I'a!re8 me to be rude ?
W Why does Effie want to know what Florie
. ieans i
Why does Florie ask again after Mrs. Rubric !
1 s
15 Sn af.Tr
1:
: h
Kinglake d
23 M
■ kelchlev b
2 M
li. Acs '49
1.
1-
Ling 'id d.
24 T"
Gilitul. tkn.
3 Ti
S r. 3h.50ui
H
s
Hnsti.* des
25 W
S . J lines
4 \V
S.s U!i.l7m
If,
S
7 Sn.-t Tr.
T'
K O ho d.
6 TI
jl'rs llel 111.
1
M
Ilrranger d
27 K
Tnl*ver 1
6 K
01.1 Mid I)
17
1".
Punch t.'41
' <>w!<v d.
7 S
[0 *f. T.T.e
I::
\\
Sherlock u.
9 S hi I r
H S
0* Sn. Rf.Tr
1!'
n
Petrarch d.
id M
W. Pe-n d
y m
Kir* In due
}{>
Nlargxrct
tl Til
I or.
Hp Fell d.
./1
li.Uull Run
11 IV
J ViIl«fraiiC'i|
j-J
S |8>u *i.Ti
July.
AUTUMN TINTS.
Believers in the Canards of the silly season—
Green.
Mater familias when pater familias suggests post-
ponement of the autumnal outing—Black.
Paterfamilias totting up the expenses of ditto ditto—
Blue.
Laura's cheeks when the long expected " pop " is
brought off at Scarborough—Couleur-de-Rose.
Ditto, ditto, when papa and mamma "won't have it"
—White.
Tip-tilted noses exposed to nipping equinoctials-
Red.
Lady Fitz Falderal's locks when she arrived at
" that out of the way hole," Slowcum-on-Splash—
Golden.
Ditto ditto after a week's sickness and the loss of her
dressing-case—Grey.
Jack Impecu's holiday suit (third season's wearing)
—Russet.
M.P's. autumnal "spout" to his constituents—
Party-coloured.
Native Land of Knowledge.—The Isle of Scio.
THE CAP-AND-BELL CALENDAR.
July.
July ! Mercury up to " melting."
Grand to see great gabies pelting
After, what ? A leathern sphere !
True " pursuit of folly " here.
What would old Erasmus say ?
I swig " Iccd Hatfield," and survey.
Girls look on, their bored&m's shocking,
Might set Mephistopheltf mocking.
Cricket, perfect type of life.
Dull display and aimless strife.
Need no other goose-round try
Than " the Oval " in July.
THE NEW CRUSHER QUADRILLE.
(A most fashionable dance, as performed at the most crowded
balls of the season.)
First Figure. La Pastafoke.—Opposite couples
set-to and squeeze, walk on each other's toes, attempt
to turn round, fail completely, and return to their places.
Chaine des dames. Struggle of gentlemen to recover
their respective partners.
Second Figure. L'Etalone.—Advance three inches
to opposite lady. Drive your elbows into crowding
neighbours. Walk through both dancers' skirts, and
back into opposite gentleman's waistcoat. Exchange
cards. Set to your partner. Balancez on next man's
instep, and apologise. Mop foreheads all round.
Third Figure. La Lonq Poule et la Poule all
together.—Hands across and back again. Wriggle up
to vis-a-vis. Carry off polonaises and round dos-d-dos.
Olear your legs, and close with your partner. Surge to
right and left, and resume position as you were. Take
out a reef in waistcoat.
Fourth Figure. La Touchandgo.—Advance, if
possible. Lift your partner on to your vis-a-vis. Re-
main deaf to all expostulations. Chassez-croisez. See
what you can, and return to your places. Lose tail of
your coat, and swear silently. Cavalier seal.
Fifth Figure. Grand Corn Galop.—Up and down
on your own ground and your neighbours' corns. Pas
seul on an Alderman's pet bunion. Change partners,
to your own advantage, if possible. Get hopelessly
mixed up with another set, and sink exhausted and
completely crushed behind a block of ice. whither three
couple have already retreated in hopes of a breath of
air.
LITTLE TOMMY'S QUESTIONS.
for august.
Why is Florie to be married next month ?
Why does Papa say he requires change of air ?
Why is he going to Paris with his friend, Mr. Sky-
lark ?
Why does Mamma say it is shameful ?
Why does Papa quarrel with Mamma ?
Why does Papa get out his cheque-book ?
Why does Mamma sigh, and kiss him ?
Why mayn't I go to Paris with Papa, as well as
Mr. Skylark?
THE CAP-AND-BELL CALENDAR.
August.
August ! Mimes raise one more Moloch,
Quit the wicket and the rowlock.
At the sea-side, those who've leisure-
Toil, stare, weary,—call it " pleasure."
Society! a Simple Simon
That might tickle sternest Timou.
Edwin wooes his Angelina
To sound of nigger's concertina.
Pater familias spends much money,
To be bored, B. flatted. (Funny !)
Till sent home by early raw-gust,
Which he thanks. I do love August.
MEM. BY MOSHESH.
Thish practish of punning, now growing the rule,
Needsh — like those who add monish to monish ■
admonishment.
I 'd deal capital punishment out to the fool
Wliosh ev'ry remark for a capital pun ish meant !