DOI Heft:
Punch's Almanack for 1877
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17768#0013
[December 14, 1876
THE CAP-AND-BELL CALENDAE.
November.
November ! Month of fogs and guys,
Noodledom's own paradise,
Folly takes a civic turn.
Ah! if all the guys they'd burn
On the fifth, as lots do one,
Life indeed were void of fun.
Eising mom with rosy kirtle,
Pale to Lord Mayor, at his turtle,
Eising rubicund to show
Elocutional " Old Clo ! "
No ! were Wit at its last ember,
It would flame, stirred by November.
LITTLE TOMMY'S QUESTIONS.
for november.
Why does the Doctor say Mamma wants change of
air ?
AVhy doesn't Papa like Brighton ?
Why does Mamma say, " Of course it isn't so pleasant
as Paris!"
Why does Papa say, " Anything for a quiet life."
Why are we all going to Brighton ?
Why does Effie like the Skating Eink ?
Who's the chap in the moustaches ?
Why does he help Effie ?
They essayed Sankey's psalmody 'neath Sagittarius,
With voeal effects the reverse of hilarious.
Moore and Burgess came next, as they neared Capri-
cornus,
Cried he, " This tvon't do !—Cognoscenti will scorn us !"
But, alas! they'd sing naught, as they entered Aqua-
rius,
But vapid Virginia's versicles various :
And so when the Sun was just entering Pisces,
He turned up that triad of Musical Misses.
LITTLE TOMMY'S QUESTIONS.
for december.
Why won't the chap in the moustaches help
along as well as Effie ?
Why does Mamma want to know what I mean ?
Why does Effie say I am always telling stories ?
Why does she pinch me when we are alone r
Why does Papa say that " he will horsewhip the
scoundrel" ?
What's the meaning of " an elopement" r
Why does Papa say, "Well, we are rid of both of
them! "
And, lastly, why does Mamma cry, and kiss me, and
tell me to be a good boy, as I am the only one left ?
]
S
Prs Wis. b.
12
\V
C C;bher d.
o
s
'l S. in Ad.
13
TI
St. Lucy
3
AJ
Bradbury b
14
K
P Albert d
4
Ti
Richelieu d
15
CI
I.Wrtlton d
5
\V
S.r. 7b.51m
16
S
[3 S- in Ad. 1
6
11.
S.s.3h.50m
17
iVl
Oxf.M.T.e.
7
K
b laxman d.
1H
Tu
Grimaliii b.J
h
3
C.BV.Mary
2 S. ig Ad.
1!)
\V
Scheele b. :
0
s
20
Tli
B. Viciosa
In
M
Chalmers d
21
K
St. Thorn -s -
1)
Vu
Jno. Gay d-
22
S
Win. Q. b^'. 1
23 s 4s. inAilv.
24 M iChrist. £ve
25 Tu Christ. 1)h\-
26. W Bk.Holiday
27|Th C. Lami'd
28 F Innocents
29 p iGlidstoneb
30 S 1 -S.«f. ( lir.
31 M \ Disraeli U
A ZANY'S ZIG-ZAG BOUND THE ZODIAC.
A Hhymist quand menie has essayed in these 3ines
An anti phoiiecio set-io with. the Sigas.
A Music-maniac, born under Aries,
Had three virgin vocalists, all of them Maries.
He taught the fair three, while the Sun was in Taurus,
To chant the loud wailings of Wagner in chorus.
It solaced his soul, and he cried, "With these women I
Hope to work wonders before we reach Gemini."
But alas! by the time when the Sun was in Cancer
He found toujours Wagner with women won't answer.
And so, while the Sun was careering through Leo,
He taught them a tender and twittering trio,
But they tiffed, and then wouldn't keep time in it, ergo,
He wrote a new song for each virgin, in Virgo ;
Yet they all of them "struck" for more money in
Libra,
Not one would Ding "do" nor (without a big bribe)
"ray."
He sighed, when he found them all silent in Scorpio,
"How wondrous that Wagner Ehe-tempers should
warp. Heigho ! "
THE CAP-AND-BELL CALENDAE.
December.
December! Now the picture-papers
Folly urge to cut fresh capers,
To my special delectation ;
Nous deserts the entire nation.
Christmas, Fetish with red nose,
Makes all men as mummers pose,
Cant of charity, chant the carol,
Meaning,—love of board and barrel,
Orgies amorous and Bacchic!
Nemesis in form Stomachic
Makes Old Motley's mimes remember
Folly's Dance in drear December.
' /J i £ V
ASTEONOMICAL AND SCIENTIFIC EEMAEKS.
(For Students and Examiners )
Q. How would a modern gun-smith describe the solar
system
A. As a " central fire, and a lot of revolvers."
Q. Is it true that foreign stocks rise and fall under
the influence of any of the Heavenly Bodies ?
A. Yes. But the cause can only be satisfactorily re-
ferred to the action of those eminent financiers—the
Great and Little Bear.
CHEISTMAS CAEOL.
(By a Poor Expectant of Perks.)
am—" When other lips," &e.
When other Govs, for other clerks
Shall " strike upon the bell,"
And proffer, liberal and no larks,
The " tips " they love so well
Perhaps in that ecstatic hour
Old " Screws" mav softened be.
0 touch him, though he's close and dour !
Then, Yule, remember me !
When geese and turkeys fly about,
And fl'pun-notes abound;
When hampers tall, capacious, stout,
In passages are found ;
When pass the bottle and the cask—
E-lee-mo-syn-aree,
At such a season I 'd but ask,
Dear Yule, remember me !
Hunting Appointments.—Office-seeking.
THE CAP-AND-BELL CALENDAE.
November.
November ! Month of fogs and guys,
Noodledom's own paradise,
Folly takes a civic turn.
Ah! if all the guys they'd burn
On the fifth, as lots do one,
Life indeed were void of fun.
Eising mom with rosy kirtle,
Pale to Lord Mayor, at his turtle,
Eising rubicund to show
Elocutional " Old Clo ! "
No ! were Wit at its last ember,
It would flame, stirred by November.
LITTLE TOMMY'S QUESTIONS.
for november.
Why does the Doctor say Mamma wants change of
air ?
AVhy doesn't Papa like Brighton ?
Why does Mamma say, " Of course it isn't so pleasant
as Paris!"
Why does Papa say, " Anything for a quiet life."
Why are we all going to Brighton ?
Why does Effie like the Skating Eink ?
Who's the chap in the moustaches ?
Why does he help Effie ?
They essayed Sankey's psalmody 'neath Sagittarius,
With voeal effects the reverse of hilarious.
Moore and Burgess came next, as they neared Capri-
cornus,
Cried he, " This tvon't do !—Cognoscenti will scorn us !"
But, alas! they'd sing naught, as they entered Aqua-
rius,
But vapid Virginia's versicles various :
And so when the Sun was just entering Pisces,
He turned up that triad of Musical Misses.
LITTLE TOMMY'S QUESTIONS.
for december.
Why won't the chap in the moustaches help
along as well as Effie ?
Why does Mamma want to know what I mean ?
Why does Effie say I am always telling stories ?
Why does she pinch me when we are alone r
Why does Papa say that " he will horsewhip the
scoundrel" ?
What's the meaning of " an elopement" r
Why does Papa say, "Well, we are rid of both of
them! "
And, lastly, why does Mamma cry, and kiss me, and
tell me to be a good boy, as I am the only one left ?
]
S
Prs Wis. b.
12
\V
C C;bher d.
o
s
'l S. in Ad.
13
TI
St. Lucy
3
AJ
Bradbury b
14
K
P Albert d
4
Ti
Richelieu d
15
CI
I.Wrtlton d
5
\V
S.r. 7b.51m
16
S
[3 S- in Ad. 1
6
11.
S.s.3h.50m
17
iVl
Oxf.M.T.e.
7
K
b laxman d.
1H
Tu
Grimaliii b.J
h
3
C.BV.Mary
2 S. ig Ad.
1!)
\V
Scheele b. :
0
s
20
Tli
B. Viciosa
In
M
Chalmers d
21
K
St. Thorn -s -
1)
Vu
Jno. Gay d-
22
S
Win. Q. b^'. 1
23 s 4s. inAilv.
24 M iChrist. £ve
25 Tu Christ. 1)h\-
26. W Bk.Holiday
27|Th C. Lami'd
28 F Innocents
29 p iGlidstoneb
30 S 1 -S.«f. ( lir.
31 M \ Disraeli U
A ZANY'S ZIG-ZAG BOUND THE ZODIAC.
A Hhymist quand menie has essayed in these 3ines
An anti phoiiecio set-io with. the Sigas.
A Music-maniac, born under Aries,
Had three virgin vocalists, all of them Maries.
He taught the fair three, while the Sun was in Taurus,
To chant the loud wailings of Wagner in chorus.
It solaced his soul, and he cried, "With these women I
Hope to work wonders before we reach Gemini."
But alas! by the time when the Sun was in Cancer
He found toujours Wagner with women won't answer.
And so, while the Sun was careering through Leo,
He taught them a tender and twittering trio,
But they tiffed, and then wouldn't keep time in it, ergo,
He wrote a new song for each virgin, in Virgo ;
Yet they all of them "struck" for more money in
Libra,
Not one would Ding "do" nor (without a big bribe)
"ray."
He sighed, when he found them all silent in Scorpio,
"How wondrous that Wagner Ehe-tempers should
warp. Heigho ! "
THE CAP-AND-BELL CALENDAE.
December.
December! Now the picture-papers
Folly urge to cut fresh capers,
To my special delectation ;
Nous deserts the entire nation.
Christmas, Fetish with red nose,
Makes all men as mummers pose,
Cant of charity, chant the carol,
Meaning,—love of board and barrel,
Orgies amorous and Bacchic!
Nemesis in form Stomachic
Makes Old Motley's mimes remember
Folly's Dance in drear December.
' /J i £ V
ASTEONOMICAL AND SCIENTIFIC EEMAEKS.
(For Students and Examiners )
Q. How would a modern gun-smith describe the solar
system
A. As a " central fire, and a lot of revolvers."
Q. Is it true that foreign stocks rise and fall under
the influence of any of the Heavenly Bodies ?
A. Yes. But the cause can only be satisfactorily re-
ferred to the action of those eminent financiers—the
Great and Little Bear.
CHEISTMAS CAEOL.
(By a Poor Expectant of Perks.)
am—" When other lips," &e.
When other Govs, for other clerks
Shall " strike upon the bell,"
And proffer, liberal and no larks,
The " tips " they love so well
Perhaps in that ecstatic hour
Old " Screws" mav softened be.
0 touch him, though he's close and dour !
Then, Yule, remember me !
When geese and turkeys fly about,
And fl'pun-notes abound;
When hampers tall, capacious, stout,
In passages are found ;
When pass the bottle and the cask—
E-lee-mo-syn-aree,
At such a season I 'd but ask,
Dear Yule, remember me !
Hunting Appointments.—Office-seeking.