DOI Heft:
Punch's Almanack for 1879
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17769#0004
PUNCH'S ALMANACK FOE 1879.
[December 9. 1873.
" WINTEH WITH US." (From Our Ironical Artist at Cannes)
GENERAL PREDICTIONS.
{By our own private Astrologer—specially
engaged.)
Winter Quarter.—-Venus occu-
pies the first house in a fashion-
able quarter. There will be
evening- parties, and other festivi-
ties. Good time for cooks on the
job, waiters, and servants gener-
ally.
Those born under the sign
Ca ncer will suffer from indigestion.
Some people never read Orapbe
because they can't digest him.
Females born under the sign
Virgs will be old maids.
Those born under Libra will be
Librarians.
NOTES ON NAME-ABBREVIA-
TIONS.
Abhorred by Paterfamilias—
Bills.
Shunned by Little Fishes—Jacks.
"Welcomed by Anglers—Bobs.
Liked by Lively People—Sallies.
Familiar to Weavers—Jennies.
Sought by Sporting Men—Bets.
Well known to Burglars—
Jemmies.
Loved by Lawyers—Wills.
Dear to Coquettes—Fans.
BY A SEA-SICK PASSENGER.
Mare! Mare!
Most contrary,
Why do you tumble so ?
While yon heave and swell
One can't feel well,
And—I think I '11 go below !
The Lady's own Book.—Shee
on The Rights of Woman.
SORE SUBJECTS.
First Young Blond {whose Burnt has lived to the preposterous age of Seventy-Five and makes
him aninsufficient allovance). "Well, Billy, how's your Father ? "
Second Young Blood (hi* is Seventy-Two, and has disinherited him). " Well, if you come
to that, how 's yours ? " !
CELESTIAL INFLUENCES
FOR 1879.
(Applicable to every Month in the Year.)
March 1st (special). Postpone
everything till to-morrow. Good
day for being " not at home " to
creditors.
2nd. Same again : only more so.
5th (of any month). Good day for
taking a long drive in a cab, then
descending at one end of the
Lowther Arcade, and going out
at the other.
Gth. Bad day to meet the Cab-
man whom you left yesterday at the
one end of the Lowther Arcade.
7th. If you have carried out our
directions for the last two days,
then now our advice is—Avoid
Policemen. Also avoid Cabmen.
10th. Make friends with very
old and feeble millionnaires.
Wth. Continue to reside with
them.
12th. Capital day to get very old
and feeble millionnaires to make
their wills in your favour.
\Zth. Court, but don't marry.
lith. Court, borrow of the ob-
ject of your affections sufficient to
enable you to leave the country—
but don't marry.
lbth. Avoid )
16th. Avoid [ everyone.
17t7i: Avoid)
18th. Good day for sailing for
America suddenly.
19th. Get hold of a good after-
dinner story, and dine out on it for
the rest of the month.
Three Card Loo in America.
—One hand holds the cards, an-
other holds a revolver, and the
third holds the inquest.
[December 9. 1873.
" WINTEH WITH US." (From Our Ironical Artist at Cannes)
GENERAL PREDICTIONS.
{By our own private Astrologer—specially
engaged.)
Winter Quarter.—-Venus occu-
pies the first house in a fashion-
able quarter. There will be
evening- parties, and other festivi-
ties. Good time for cooks on the
job, waiters, and servants gener-
ally.
Those born under the sign
Ca ncer will suffer from indigestion.
Some people never read Orapbe
because they can't digest him.
Females born under the sign
Virgs will be old maids.
Those born under Libra will be
Librarians.
NOTES ON NAME-ABBREVIA-
TIONS.
Abhorred by Paterfamilias—
Bills.
Shunned by Little Fishes—Jacks.
"Welcomed by Anglers—Bobs.
Liked by Lively People—Sallies.
Familiar to Weavers—Jennies.
Sought by Sporting Men—Bets.
Well known to Burglars—
Jemmies.
Loved by Lawyers—Wills.
Dear to Coquettes—Fans.
BY A SEA-SICK PASSENGER.
Mare! Mare!
Most contrary,
Why do you tumble so ?
While yon heave and swell
One can't feel well,
And—I think I '11 go below !
The Lady's own Book.—Shee
on The Rights of Woman.
SORE SUBJECTS.
First Young Blond {whose Burnt has lived to the preposterous age of Seventy-Five and makes
him aninsufficient allovance). "Well, Billy, how's your Father ? "
Second Young Blood (hi* is Seventy-Two, and has disinherited him). " Well, if you come
to that, how 's yours ? " !
CELESTIAL INFLUENCES
FOR 1879.
(Applicable to every Month in the Year.)
March 1st (special). Postpone
everything till to-morrow. Good
day for being " not at home " to
creditors.
2nd. Same again : only more so.
5th (of any month). Good day for
taking a long drive in a cab, then
descending at one end of the
Lowther Arcade, and going out
at the other.
Gth. Bad day to meet the Cab-
man whom you left yesterday at the
one end of the Lowther Arcade.
7th. If you have carried out our
directions for the last two days,
then now our advice is—Avoid
Policemen. Also avoid Cabmen.
10th. Make friends with very
old and feeble millionnaires.
Wth. Continue to reside with
them.
12th. Capital day to get very old
and feeble millionnaires to make
their wills in your favour.
\Zth. Court, but don't marry.
lith. Court, borrow of the ob-
ject of your affections sufficient to
enable you to leave the country—
but don't marry.
lbth. Avoid )
16th. Avoid [ everyone.
17t7i: Avoid)
18th. Good day for sailing for
America suddenly.
19th. Get hold of a good after-
dinner story, and dine out on it for
the rest of the month.
Three Card Loo in America.
—One hand holds the cards, an-
other holds a revolver, and the
third holds the inquest.