DOI issue:
Punch's Almanack for 1879
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17769#0014
December 9,1878.1
PUNCH'S ALMANACK FOE 1879.
THE COMMISSARIAT.
Satire [to nCW Butler). " I HAVE three or four clergymen coming to DlNE with ME to-morrow, prodgers, and-" Mr. Prodgers. " 'IGH or low, SlR?"
Squire. "Well—i hardly- But why do you ask, Prodgers?"
Mr. Prodgers. " Well, you see, Str, the ' 'Igh ' drinks most Wine, and the ' Low' eats most Vittles, and I must perwide accordin' ! !"
SCIENTIFIC
ANNOUNCEMENT.
Lectures will shortly be
delivered on the following
subjects :—
Natural Selection. — As
instanced in the choice of
eligible bachelors. By Miss
Honeycrab Husbandhunter,
M.C. (Matrimonial Candi-
date).
On Organic Development.
—From the days of Bab-
bage to the present time.
By a Confirmed Barrelor-
ganophobist.
Th eStnigg lefor Existe n ce.
—As illustrated in the lives
of poor City Clerks. By
One of Them.
The Survival of th e Fittest.
—As exemplified in the
longevity of donkeys and
delusions. By Iconoclast.
Food asd Physic —
According to Mistress
Quickly, prawns were "ill
for a green wound," but
modern science has discov-
ered them to be a sovereign
remedy for indigestion,
eaten whole. Their shells,
consisting principally of
carbonate of lime, or chalk,
absorbent and antacid, are
an infallible antidote to
acidity in the stomach.
Nothing like " cheek "
—provided you do not pro-
INTERNATIONAL, COMPARISONS.
Henri Dubois (who can speak English) to Ms friend 'Arry Smith (who can't). " Pardon me, mon Ami ! You-
are very' pretty boy', you dress in ze most perfect ' chic ' ; but vy do you speak y'our own language
so ungrammatically ? "
'Arry. "Why do i speak my hown Langwidge so hiingrammatical? 'Ang it, yer down't sup-
powse as i were hedgerkited at HeTON or 'arrow like a bloom in' swell, do yee?"
Henri. " Voyez donc ca ! Now in France zere is no Eton, no Harrow ; all ze Public Schools
are ze same, and ze butcher and baker's little boys go zere, and ze little candlestick-makers,
and ze little boy's OF ze merchants of cheese like you and me ! "
'Arry. " Come, i s'y, Walker, yer know ! And where do their Customers' little Boy's go ? "
Henri. " Parbleu ! Zey go zere too ! !'
VOKe a Slap on It. I ['Arry, suddenly conscious of his deficiencies, feels bitterly towards his country.
CELESTIAL PHENO-
MENA FOR 1879.
There will be a disap-
pearance of Mars in the
early part of the year.
Pars will go after her. The
result will probably be a
suit before Mr. Justice
Hannen.
Saturn's rings will dis-
appear about the end of
March. From information
received at Scotland Yard,
the Police will take the
case in hand. The case,
however, will be empty.
During the bathing-sea-
son there will be strict
regulations issued along
the coast about observing
the transit of Venus with
the naked eye.
During the summer
months there will be seve-
ral " superior conjunc-
tions" by special licence.
There will be a larger
number of " inferior con-
junctions " by ordinary
banns.
■ To Persons about to
Marry.—What is enough
for one, is half enough for
two, short commons for
three, and starvation for
half a dozen.
Musical Multiplica-
tion. — In writingone opera
the composer always pro-
duces a score.
PUNCH'S ALMANACK FOE 1879.
THE COMMISSARIAT.
Satire [to nCW Butler). " I HAVE three or four clergymen coming to DlNE with ME to-morrow, prodgers, and-" Mr. Prodgers. " 'IGH or low, SlR?"
Squire. "Well—i hardly- But why do you ask, Prodgers?"
Mr. Prodgers. " Well, you see, Str, the ' 'Igh ' drinks most Wine, and the ' Low' eats most Vittles, and I must perwide accordin' ! !"
SCIENTIFIC
ANNOUNCEMENT.
Lectures will shortly be
delivered on the following
subjects :—
Natural Selection. — As
instanced in the choice of
eligible bachelors. By Miss
Honeycrab Husbandhunter,
M.C. (Matrimonial Candi-
date).
On Organic Development.
—From the days of Bab-
bage to the present time.
By a Confirmed Barrelor-
ganophobist.
Th eStnigg lefor Existe n ce.
—As illustrated in the lives
of poor City Clerks. By
One of Them.
The Survival of th e Fittest.
—As exemplified in the
longevity of donkeys and
delusions. By Iconoclast.
Food asd Physic —
According to Mistress
Quickly, prawns were "ill
for a green wound," but
modern science has discov-
ered them to be a sovereign
remedy for indigestion,
eaten whole. Their shells,
consisting principally of
carbonate of lime, or chalk,
absorbent and antacid, are
an infallible antidote to
acidity in the stomach.
Nothing like " cheek "
—provided you do not pro-
INTERNATIONAL, COMPARISONS.
Henri Dubois (who can speak English) to Ms friend 'Arry Smith (who can't). " Pardon me, mon Ami ! You-
are very' pretty boy', you dress in ze most perfect ' chic ' ; but vy do you speak y'our own language
so ungrammatically ? "
'Arry. "Why do i speak my hown Langwidge so hiingrammatical? 'Ang it, yer down't sup-
powse as i were hedgerkited at HeTON or 'arrow like a bloom in' swell, do yee?"
Henri. " Voyez donc ca ! Now in France zere is no Eton, no Harrow ; all ze Public Schools
are ze same, and ze butcher and baker's little boys go zere, and ze little candlestick-makers,
and ze little boy's OF ze merchants of cheese like you and me ! "
'Arry. " Come, i s'y, Walker, yer know ! And where do their Customers' little Boy's go ? "
Henri. " Parbleu ! Zey go zere too ! !'
VOKe a Slap on It. I ['Arry, suddenly conscious of his deficiencies, feels bitterly towards his country.
CELESTIAL PHENO-
MENA FOR 1879.
There will be a disap-
pearance of Mars in the
early part of the year.
Pars will go after her. The
result will probably be a
suit before Mr. Justice
Hannen.
Saturn's rings will dis-
appear about the end of
March. From information
received at Scotland Yard,
the Police will take the
case in hand. The case,
however, will be empty.
During the bathing-sea-
son there will be strict
regulations issued along
the coast about observing
the transit of Venus with
the naked eye.
During the summer
months there will be seve-
ral " superior conjunc-
tions" by special licence.
There will be a larger
number of " inferior con-
junctions " by ordinary
banns.
■ To Persons about to
Marry.—What is enough
for one, is half enough for
two, short commons for
three, and starvation for
half a dozen.
Musical Multiplica-
tion. — In writingone opera
the composer always pro-
duces a score.