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Punch / Almanack — 1879

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Punch's Almanack for 1879
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https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17769#0017
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PUNCH'S ALMANACK FOE 1879.

[.December 9, 1!-7h.

UNDER THE NEW REPUBLIC.

Ten Tears of it. From Young Aristogiton's Peace Primer.
(Paris Edition—in the Press.)

1888. General pacific movement of the Federa-
tion of the Peoples. Flag of the New Republic
first hoisted, amidst universal rejoicings, over the
entrance of St. George's Hall.

1889. Equitable division of Bank of England

PHYSIOLOGICAL NURSERY RHYME.

Pat a cross baby, not on his top.
The faster you pat him the sooner he '11 stop ;
When the pat ceases poor baby mayn't squall,
But his brain is concussed, and that's about all.

argument for the great age op the

Earth.—Its whiteness about the Pole.

THE "HOUSE" IN THE CITY AND THE
"HOME" IN THE SUBURBS.

(From Mr. Punch's Special Wire.)

10 a.m.—Breakfast flat. Strong demand for
the Times. Bearish inquiries about Household
Expenditure. Nothing doing in the Costume
Market in spite of prices having fallen 25 per

Stock among working men______________________■ _.___cent, on the close of the

on Clerkeu well Green. Wool-
wich, Portsmouth, and the
Hyde Park Magazines blown
up, and the use of gunpow-
der, except for pacific pur-
poses, declared illegal.

1890. Fraternal massacre
of patriots of all nations.

1891. "Rule, Britannia!"
burnt by the hang-man at
the Crystal Palace. Caffres,
Cannibals, Chinese, and
trained Gorillas admitted
into the House of Commons.

1892. First appearance of
real live Emperors in the
bear-pit of the Regent's
Park Zoological Gardens.

1893. Grand "Gala Year"
in honour of universal paci-
fication. Policemen abo-
lished. Olive branches car-
ried in the Park. Perfect
strangers obliged to kiss
each other by Act of Parlia-
ment.

1891. Slight European
difficulty about the price of
Sugar-Sticks.

1S95. Further complica-
tion of the Sugar-Stick diffi-
culty.

1896. Failure of Arbitra-
tion to settle the Sugar-
Stick difficult}'. Dynamite
worn at evening parties.

1897. Ominous resolution
of the various branches of
the federated peoples. Levy
en masse.

1898. The Ninety Years'
War commences. First bat-
tle of the New Republic.
Killed, 180,000 ; wounded,
370. Sugar-Stick difficulty
still unsettled.

OUR AQUARIUM.

An "Allegory from the
banks of the Nile."

Some splendid specimens
of the Cock-roach.

Crocodiles' Tears (in
bottle).

Crabs caught in the
Thames.

The Frog returned from
wooing, accompanied by his
mother.

A 'pike (now becoming
scarce).

A bunch of Seals.

A feme sole.

Toad with a valuable
"jewel in his head."
Trout tickled by a joke.
A Triton surrounded by
Minnows.

A pair of turtles.
Something very like a

WAGES

First Flwnkey, " Well, I hear your young Gov'nour's made a Match with Miss Deronda ?
Second Flunkey. " Yaas, be's gone and done it ! "
First Flunkey. "Come now—what's the Figure? Any idea?"

Secoiul Flunkey. "Wall, taking everythink into account, I calc'late his Place'll be wuth about
Eight 'Underd a Month !! "

In Search of a Sci-
entific Frontier. — Go-
ing to the Dentist to buy a

Whale. —-—- ■ ■ -'-~ 1 set of teeth.

Season. Imprecations ris-
ing.

10T0.—Departure of Pa-
terfamilias to the City. Om-
nibuses heavy.

10 30. —Business easier in
Bayswater consequent upon
Paterfamilias's departure.
Some speculations in dresses
for the Fall.

11. — Slight rise in Cook
—from the kitchen to the
dining-room. Operations
for the rise in Pinners ac-
tive. Family Butchers and
Contract Fishmongers in
strong demand.

11'30.—Business in Co-
operative Stores lively.

12. —City Tempers dull.
Stocks (in Haberdashers'
shops) deferred until the
Money Market is easier.

12-15.— Sherries (Gd. per
glass) in some demand. Bis-
cuits dull.

12-30.—Paris Bourse flat.
City Tempers rising.

1 p.m.—Foreign Stocks at
their lowest. City Tempers
at their highest.

1'30. — Paterfamilias re-
turned into Bank Villa.
Omnibuses leave off easier.

2. Some demand for
Luncheons. Recrimina-
tions strong. Paterfamilias
quoted as flat. Domestic
Rows lively. Great rise of
Juniors from dining-room
to second storeys. Heavy
fall in tears.

2-30.—Domestic Market
easier. Little doing, but
opinions unaltered.

3. —Rise in Telegrams
from hall to study. Tem-
pers buoyant. Opinions de-
cidedly better. Some busi-
ness in Jokes. Juniors look-
ing up.

3'30.—Money in great
demand. Cheques payable
to bearer rising. Spirits at
their best. City Flutters at
G to 7 premium.

4. —Quotations of Past
Opinions at a discount.
Prospects steady. Paterfa-
milias Preference Stock
freely bought in return for
a large consignment of
Slightly Deferred Bonnets.
The Market closes with re-
newed Confidence in weak
Bulls and vacillating Bears.

An assortment of Toadeaters and Marine Store
Dealers.

The Christian Jingoes' Motto.—War and
111 will to men !

How does a tumbler display his humility ?
By going without his T.

Good for the Voice —Tonic Sol-fa.

THE FIVE STAGES OF BRANDY
AND WATER.

1st. Brandy and water.
2nd. Branny and warrer.
3rd. Bran warr.
4th. Brraorr.
5th. Collapse !

The Last Thing Out.—My bed-candle.

How to Angle in the Dog-Days.—Swim
about the hook, and get the Dog to hold the rod
for you.

Between the Metals. — Silver: the more
chaste. Gold : the more run after.

Capital Punishment. —Strikes .and Trades
Unions.

The Great Dog Painter.—Spanieletto.
 
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