PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

THE APPROACHINC EARTHQUAKE.

(From our own Correspondent.)

The earthquake is, it seems, definitively fixed for Wednesday next, and
we are happy to be enabled, from private and exclusive sources, to furnish
the following very interesting particulars.

Coachmen are to set down with their horses' heads under ground, and
will be expected to draw up as closely as possible to the centre of gravity.
The vl.ole of tlie police will go down in a body to the appointed spot, and
the company having the entree will be expected to prevent confusion by
keeping as far apart as possible. It is to be hoped that owners of houses
in the line of the earthquake will keep their doors and windows quite fast,
and that the fixtures, which go with the house, may not be removed on
any consideration whatever.

A DOWN BED.

The following are a few of the arrangements which it is ct ntemplated
may be effected by the earthquake.

It is thought that one of Mr. Ferrand's enormous stories about the
manufacturers may possibly be swallowed.

The leading articles of the Herald are expected to go down—when the
earthquake happens.

There is every reason to hope that the Whigs will be shaken back into
their places by the convulsion alluded to.

It is expected that Highgate Hill will go down into Camden Town,
and that the ministerial majority will fall so low that it never will get
up again.

St. Paul's Cathedral will be driven into the Thames Tunnel, and the
House of Commons will be carried iuto the common sewer, to the great
disturbance of the rats in both places.

But the most miraculous effect of all is, that the circulation of Punch
will fall, and itself sink when {hut not until) the earthquake happens.

INTENDED ROUTE OF THE EARTHQUAKE.

The earthquake will start early in the morning on the 16th from
Downing-street, where there will be a slight convulsion, and having looked
in upon Sir Robert Peel at Whitehall-gardens, it will proceed pile mcle
along Pall Mall, taking in the Carlton, and stopping opposite the Duke of
Buckingham's for refreshment.

CROSSING THE LINE.

It will then proceed, by a round-about way, to the Houses of Parliament,
where its violence will be expended, and it is then expected to cease alto-
gether. The earthquake will be entirely of a political character, and
originates entirely iu the displacement of a large clod from the ground
bout the Treasury.

THE " DELICATE " NICHOLAS.

We extract the following touching story from the Times. Let the
reader twitch liis handkerchief from his pocket, ere lie begin the
perusal of an unparalleled tale of imperial softness and sensibility.

" The Emperor Nicholas.—The young and lovely Princess of Hesse
Darmstadt, who has lately married the heir to the throne of All the
Russias, was most agreeably surprised on her arrival at St. Petersburg,
by a delicate attention, or rather a spontaneous effusion of real heartfelt
kindness, from her imperial father-in-law. On being conducted to her apart-
ments, she found them completely furnished, even to the most minute details
of footstools, &c. exactly in the same style as the suite of rooms at the
Castle of Darmstadt, in which she had laughed away the happy hours of
childhood. On the drawing-room table was placed a small silver bell. The
Emperor requested the Princess to try whether the bell had the same
sound as that which it had at Darmstadt. The Princess shook the bell,
when suddenly the doors were thrown open, and all the old and faithful
servants to whom she had bid adieu, and ivho she thought were then in the
Castle at Darmstadt, rushed in, and overwhelmed the Princess with their
acclamations of joy, at being still allowed to serve her whom they had
watched over from the hour of her birth. The young Princess was over-
come with joyful surprise, and poured forth in glowing terms the expres-
sion of her gratitude to her imperial father-in-law ! "

A very pretty book might he written, illustrative of the "Sensibility
of Scoundreh;" and in such a tome the above affecting history would
surely find a fitting corner. What a butter-hearted emperor ! Soft,
gentle, kind-hearted Nicholas ; how has Rumour, that foul-mouthed
strumpet, belied him ! How delicate the sense of kindness that
"even to the most minute details of footstools" busies itself, to give
another joy! And then the delicate incident worthy of a Russian
fairy—if there be such tilings—of the "silver bell." How many
stories have been told of Nicholas—how many slanderous lies of his
childstealing—of the desperation of Polish mothers who, in agony of
heart, flung themselves beneath the wheels of the waggons loaded with
their children, doomed by the imperial kidnapper to Siberian wastes!
All these narratives are the wicked inventions of mercenary' penny-
a-liners—the vile forgeries of a miscreant press. Yet could some
thousands of silver bells be placed on certain tables in Warsaw, how
many frantic hands would be stretched towards them, if at their
sound, the husbands, fathers, and children, torn by the despot from
their homes, might rush into the arms of wives, daughters, and
parents ! Nothing so touching as the sensibility of tyranny ! Nero
slaughtered his mother for a well-known purpose ; yet, with some,
this slight indiscretion would be wholly forgotten in admiration of
Nero, let it once be proved of him that he was especially tender to
his horse or hounds. Tyranny may tread on bleeding hearts ; what
then, if it show its sensibility in " footstools ?"

Scarcely, however, had the Times dispersed to all the corners of the
earth the above affecting instance of the "delicate attention " of the
Russian emperor, than—alas for the full heart of imperial measure !
—the self-same journal put forth the subjoined :—

" Our private correspondence from Vienna of the 20th ult. states, that
the wife of the son and heir to the Emperor Nicholas had (although
enceinte) determined to quit her husband, and return to her father,
at Darmstadt, in consequence of a series of brutal treatment to which she
was exposed."

There has been a vague rumour that the Emperor of Russia, in imi-
tation of his brother of Prussia, contemplates a visit to London. We
earnestly hope there is truth in this. With what glee would launch
receive the autocrat at Woolwich ! With what pride would Punch
show the emperor St. Paul's, Westminster Abbey, Brixton tread-mill,
and all our other national establishments ! With what exquisite de-
light would Punch escort the emperor to Newgate ; and having got
the imperial thief of Poland safe in the fortress of the Old Bailey,
how great—how intense the satisfaction, to turn the key upon him,
and keep him there !

PAUPER'S CORNER.—No 3.
Oh ! gold must be a blessed thing

To claim a love us deep
As thousands to its worship bring—
A love that will not sleep !
For still to pile the burtlicn'd altar up,
They take the poor man's crust and drain his cu\i 1
Ob gold must own those sympathies
Which form the thousand chords
That Nature touches, and supplies
The heart (as 'twere) with words.
Or would the rich man for this idol sell
His brother's hope and love, whose loss makes earth a heLl ?