DOI Page / Citation link:
https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16516#0069
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
KB
THE NEW BRIBERY BILL.
WORKS OP SANCHONIATHONl
or the more recent productions of the most celebrated
WRITERS OF ANTIQUITY.
The returns to be derived from an invention so important, as will he
seen from the particulars described below, will be amply sufficient i&
enable the Proprietor, in a very limited period, to realise
AN AMPLE FORTUNE!
which he may either invest in the purchase of one of the
SPLENDID MANSIONS
which the Advertiser is instructed to dispose of ; or, if he be addicted to
political ambition, he may make it the means of procuring himself
A SEAT IN PARLIAMENT as MEMBER FOR IPSWICH!
or any other purchasable electoral body.
The treasons which have induced the Sale of this unrivalled Chef-
d'oeuvre and Gem of Science arise from
DOMESTIC DISTRESS
of so severe a nature, as to have left the spirited Owner, Mrs. Jane Jones,,
no other available resource than to
SELL HER MANGLE ;
for to that inestimable Class of Implements does the present truly won-
deiful specimen belong. The Implement in question is one of that species,
long known to and highly esteemed by
THE CONNOISSEURS OF BRITAIN,
under the designation of
BAKER'S PATENT ;
and but from the trifling circumstances of some few of its legs being defi.
HE measure proposed by Buller (not Bul-
' j^jjteijitLji ■'er °f Bi'azennose) having been weighed
MtelVP an,l found wanting, Roebuck—whose ances-
ps0j^^ft£Jr> tors did not leave him sufficient capital to
| Jr\ avail himself of the privilege of bribing to
f__\^ any extent—has taken the matter so much
* to heart, that being always his own porter,
:EEzi==^ he brought us, in his own arms, the volu-
5§5|sl=§=? minous report of the " Compromises at
iggllllSF Elections' Committee," requesting advice
IjgggplEr and an interview. " Punch," with that
~~—=—===rt=~~> suavity and condescension for which he is
famous, was immediately accessible. The conference lasted exactly twelve
minutes, and from it resulted the following draught of a bill, together with
several of half-and-half which the terror of " treaters " (at elections)
very handsomely stood.
'ffi2BfjerEa£, the preamble recites that ever since the passing of the Act
of William IV., intituled " An Act to amend the Representation of England
and Wales," it hath been a common practice for candidates, who set them-
selves up to represent the honest and independent constituencies of this
kingdom, to debauch the said honest and independent constituencies by
the bargain and sale of votes, and by divers other expedients contrary to
the statute aforesaid in that case made and provided.
CTjCrcfuTC, by Clause I., it is enacted, that any candidate who shall cient, and the whole of the machinery considerably out of order, it may
present unto any person whatsoever five thousand pounds or more, with- be safely pronounced to be
out knowing how the said sum or sums is, or are, to be distributed or ex- PERFECTION
pended, shall be considered an egregious ass within the meaning of the
act, and unfit to represent any enlightened and incorruptible body of elec-
tors who shall exceed in number one hundred and eighty.
Clause II.—Provides that no elector who, walking in procession, car-
ries a flag or other emblem, shall receive more than six pounds sterling
per day—always providing that the opposition candidate do not offer him
seven pounds per diem and his victuals, in which case it shall be lawful
for the aforesaid flag-bearer to do as he likes.
Clause III.'—And be it enacted, that any candidate who shall make or
cause to be made any immaculate elector drunk on or after the day of
election, shall, on conviction, pay the usual fine as if he were drunk himself ;
notwithstanding and nevertheless that, eoutrarywise, he shall have been
sober.
CiauSe IV.—Declares, that any individual who shall take instructions
from and canvass for a candidate, or shall receive sums of money from
the same, for the purpose of " expenses," distribution as head-money,
paying electors' rates and taxes before registration-day, or otherwise, or
making speeches in px-aise, and giving dinners at the sole expense, of the
same, or (in undeviating conformity to an Act intituled " The Ribbon
Act,") distributing coloured favours, with new hats appended thereto,
shall, on no pretence whatsoever, be considered as, or denominated an
agent.''
Clause V.—Makes the stewardship of the Chiltern Hundreds a sale-
able office, the price to be regulated by the election expenses of the can-
didate applying therefor*.
TO CAPITALISTS AND OTHERS.
IMPORTANT AND UNRESERVED SALE.
MOST DESIRABLE INVESTMENT.
MR. GEORGE ROBINS
Feels great pleasure in announcing that he has been honoured with
instructions to submit to Public Competition, on the
FIRST OF SEPTEM B E R
next, one of the most perfect Works of Art ever offered to the attention
of a discerning Public. The difficulty of describing, in language suited to
its merits, this
TRIUMPH OF BRITISH ART
is almost insuperable : suffice it to say, that it is one of those Splendid
Inventions which are entitled to rank with the
STEAM ENGINE and THE INVENTION OF PRINTING
es the most important Step in the Civilization of the Human Race, and
the most decided advance towards the
PERFECTIBILITY OF THE SPECIES!
The fortunate Possessor of this valued Prize will be in one respect more
happy than was our common Ancestor in the
GARDEN OF EDEN,
in which it may safely be asserted that no such instrument was ever found,
nor is it even alluded to in the
* A handsome exception is marie in favour of the Honourable Member for Mont-
rose, who is allowed to accept the same as soon as he pleases ; the Chancellor of
the Exchequer ueing empowered to appoint the s&id member to the said stewardship,
without fee or reward.
in its peculiar branch, as it will he Warranted, after a very
TRIFLING OUTLAY,
to accomplish its object as successfully as the Honourable
MEMBER FOR FINS BURY.
The returns to be derived from this
MINE OF WEALTH
may be appreciated from the fact, that if we only suppose it to realise-
£Gi per day (an amazingly small amount in a mercantile community like-
that of
LONDON, THE METROPOLIS OF THE WORLD !
and the vicinity), it would produce an annual income of very nearly
.£20,000 !
all, be it remarked, in
READY-MONEY PAYMENTS AND NO BAD DEBTS,
credit not being the custom of the trade.
Had such a splendid product of mechanical science existed in the days o$
CORREGGTO,
or the still more celebrated
MICHAEL ANGELO,
it is not unlikely that it might have formed the subject of one of thehr
ADMIRABLE PAINTINGS & UNRIVALLED SCULPTURE;
but as they had unfortunately departed to
A BETTER WORLD
before the artistic genius of Baker had concocted this
NE PLUS ULTRA,
the Proprietor has had recourse to the most resplendent talents of
MODERN ARTISTS,
and at an immense outlay has pi'ocured the assistance of
H. B.
whose finished sketch of this property may be seen at the Advertiser's,
where Cards of Address, and a descriptive Catalogue, (we wish we could
say
GRATIS !
but, alas ! circumstances forbad,) may be obtained, price 5s.—Mrs. Jones-
will be happy to exhibit the Implement at her
PRIVATE RESIDENCE,_
No.3J,Allerton.Street, where any person by supplying the requisite articles
at the usual moderate premium, may enjoy the opportunity of seeing the
Machine
ACTUALLY WORKING,
at any reasonable hour.
Persons desirous of effecting a purchase by Private Contract are
requested to transmit to the Auctioneer a
SEALED TENDER,
on or before the
TWELFTH OF AUGUST,
on which day he will depart to Scotland, on his annual tour : and should-
a Sale be thus effected, due notice will be given to the
BRITISH NATION
of the loss they have sustained, and the consequent withdrawal of the.
article from competition.
EXAMINATION PAPER OF THE TWADDLE-CUM-SQJJAT UNIVERSITY.
Who was Davy Jones, and where is his locker situated ?
Explain the meaning of " Go it like Bricks!" aad. give the greatest rat* ** which
bricks can go.
KB
THE NEW BRIBERY BILL.
WORKS OP SANCHONIATHONl
or the more recent productions of the most celebrated
WRITERS OF ANTIQUITY.
The returns to be derived from an invention so important, as will he
seen from the particulars described below, will be amply sufficient i&
enable the Proprietor, in a very limited period, to realise
AN AMPLE FORTUNE!
which he may either invest in the purchase of one of the
SPLENDID MANSIONS
which the Advertiser is instructed to dispose of ; or, if he be addicted to
political ambition, he may make it the means of procuring himself
A SEAT IN PARLIAMENT as MEMBER FOR IPSWICH!
or any other purchasable electoral body.
The treasons which have induced the Sale of this unrivalled Chef-
d'oeuvre and Gem of Science arise from
DOMESTIC DISTRESS
of so severe a nature, as to have left the spirited Owner, Mrs. Jane Jones,,
no other available resource than to
SELL HER MANGLE ;
for to that inestimable Class of Implements does the present truly won-
deiful specimen belong. The Implement in question is one of that species,
long known to and highly esteemed by
THE CONNOISSEURS OF BRITAIN,
under the designation of
BAKER'S PATENT ;
and but from the trifling circumstances of some few of its legs being defi.
HE measure proposed by Buller (not Bul-
' j^jjteijitLji ■'er °f Bi'azennose) having been weighed
MtelVP an,l found wanting, Roebuck—whose ances-
ps0j^^ft£Jr> tors did not leave him sufficient capital to
| Jr\ avail himself of the privilege of bribing to
f__\^ any extent—has taken the matter so much
* to heart, that being always his own porter,
:EEzi==^ he brought us, in his own arms, the volu-
5§5|sl=§=? minous report of the " Compromises at
iggllllSF Elections' Committee," requesting advice
IjgggplEr and an interview. " Punch," with that
~~—=—===rt=~~> suavity and condescension for which he is
famous, was immediately accessible. The conference lasted exactly twelve
minutes, and from it resulted the following draught of a bill, together with
several of half-and-half which the terror of " treaters " (at elections)
very handsomely stood.
'ffi2BfjerEa£, the preamble recites that ever since the passing of the Act
of William IV., intituled " An Act to amend the Representation of England
and Wales," it hath been a common practice for candidates, who set them-
selves up to represent the honest and independent constituencies of this
kingdom, to debauch the said honest and independent constituencies by
the bargain and sale of votes, and by divers other expedients contrary to
the statute aforesaid in that case made and provided.
CTjCrcfuTC, by Clause I., it is enacted, that any candidate who shall cient, and the whole of the machinery considerably out of order, it may
present unto any person whatsoever five thousand pounds or more, with- be safely pronounced to be
out knowing how the said sum or sums is, or are, to be distributed or ex- PERFECTION
pended, shall be considered an egregious ass within the meaning of the
act, and unfit to represent any enlightened and incorruptible body of elec-
tors who shall exceed in number one hundred and eighty.
Clause II.—Provides that no elector who, walking in procession, car-
ries a flag or other emblem, shall receive more than six pounds sterling
per day—always providing that the opposition candidate do not offer him
seven pounds per diem and his victuals, in which case it shall be lawful
for the aforesaid flag-bearer to do as he likes.
Clause III.'—And be it enacted, that any candidate who shall make or
cause to be made any immaculate elector drunk on or after the day of
election, shall, on conviction, pay the usual fine as if he were drunk himself ;
notwithstanding and nevertheless that, eoutrarywise, he shall have been
sober.
CiauSe IV.—Declares, that any individual who shall take instructions
from and canvass for a candidate, or shall receive sums of money from
the same, for the purpose of " expenses," distribution as head-money,
paying electors' rates and taxes before registration-day, or otherwise, or
making speeches in px-aise, and giving dinners at the sole expense, of the
same, or (in undeviating conformity to an Act intituled " The Ribbon
Act,") distributing coloured favours, with new hats appended thereto,
shall, on no pretence whatsoever, be considered as, or denominated an
agent.''
Clause V.—Makes the stewardship of the Chiltern Hundreds a sale-
able office, the price to be regulated by the election expenses of the can-
didate applying therefor*.
TO CAPITALISTS AND OTHERS.
IMPORTANT AND UNRESERVED SALE.
MOST DESIRABLE INVESTMENT.
MR. GEORGE ROBINS
Feels great pleasure in announcing that he has been honoured with
instructions to submit to Public Competition, on the
FIRST OF SEPTEM B E R
next, one of the most perfect Works of Art ever offered to the attention
of a discerning Public. The difficulty of describing, in language suited to
its merits, this
TRIUMPH OF BRITISH ART
is almost insuperable : suffice it to say, that it is one of those Splendid
Inventions which are entitled to rank with the
STEAM ENGINE and THE INVENTION OF PRINTING
es the most important Step in the Civilization of the Human Race, and
the most decided advance towards the
PERFECTIBILITY OF THE SPECIES!
The fortunate Possessor of this valued Prize will be in one respect more
happy than was our common Ancestor in the
GARDEN OF EDEN,
in which it may safely be asserted that no such instrument was ever found,
nor is it even alluded to in the
* A handsome exception is marie in favour of the Honourable Member for Mont-
rose, who is allowed to accept the same as soon as he pleases ; the Chancellor of
the Exchequer ueing empowered to appoint the s&id member to the said stewardship,
without fee or reward.
in its peculiar branch, as it will he Warranted, after a very
TRIFLING OUTLAY,
to accomplish its object as successfully as the Honourable
MEMBER FOR FINS BURY.
The returns to be derived from this
MINE OF WEALTH
may be appreciated from the fact, that if we only suppose it to realise-
£Gi per day (an amazingly small amount in a mercantile community like-
that of
LONDON, THE METROPOLIS OF THE WORLD !
and the vicinity), it would produce an annual income of very nearly
.£20,000 !
all, be it remarked, in
READY-MONEY PAYMENTS AND NO BAD DEBTS,
credit not being the custom of the trade.
Had such a splendid product of mechanical science existed in the days o$
CORREGGTO,
or the still more celebrated
MICHAEL ANGELO,
it is not unlikely that it might have formed the subject of one of thehr
ADMIRABLE PAINTINGS & UNRIVALLED SCULPTURE;
but as they had unfortunately departed to
A BETTER WORLD
before the artistic genius of Baker had concocted this
NE PLUS ULTRA,
the Proprietor has had recourse to the most resplendent talents of
MODERN ARTISTS,
and at an immense outlay has pi'ocured the assistance of
H. B.
whose finished sketch of this property may be seen at the Advertiser's,
where Cards of Address, and a descriptive Catalogue, (we wish we could
say
GRATIS !
but, alas ! circumstances forbad,) may be obtained, price 5s.—Mrs. Jones-
will be happy to exhibit the Implement at her
PRIVATE RESIDENCE,_
No.3J,Allerton.Street, where any person by supplying the requisite articles
at the usual moderate premium, may enjoy the opportunity of seeing the
Machine
ACTUALLY WORKING,
at any reasonable hour.
Persons desirous of effecting a purchase by Private Contract are
requested to transmit to the Auctioneer a
SEALED TENDER,
on or before the
TWELFTH OF AUGUST,
on which day he will depart to Scotland, on his annual tour : and should-
a Sale be thus effected, due notice will be given to the
BRITISH NATION
of the loss they have sustained, and the consequent withdrawal of the.
article from competition.
EXAMINATION PAPER OF THE TWADDLE-CUM-SQJJAT UNIVERSITY.
Who was Davy Jones, and where is his locker situated ?
Explain the meaning of " Go it like Bricks!" aad. give the greatest rat* ** which
bricks can go.