DOI Page / Citation link:
https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16516#0194
190
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
PUNCH'S COMIC MYTHOLOGY.
CHAP. III.-ACTS AND GALATEA
The valet bowed and obeyed. Meantime Polyphemus began to com-
pose a serenade.
On the sea-shore, not far from the foot of Mount Etna, stood a neat
marine villa, consisting entirely of stone, uncemented even by mortar. It
was in fact a grotto neatly fitted up with moss, corner-cupboards, rustic-
seats, a table, an hour-glass, a book, and an imitation hermit stuffed with
EVERAL centuries ago in those re- strawj provided with real spectacles and a horse-hair beard; it was, in
mote days which ha ve no'date (f or they I fact' a .favourite spot for gypsy parties to assemble from the neighbour-
existed before Historv had snatched i in§ cit'es> DUt occasionally was made a place of assignation by lowers,
the pen from the bands of Imagination) i Near to tn's grotto Polyphemus had been in the habit of seeing his enslaver,
' and often wondered what business she could possibly have to transact
which caused her so regularly to visit the spot. Once within the hermitage,
she was safe, for her giant adorer was unable, from his bulk, to place him-
self in any position that allowed him to peep into it. Even whilst he was
composing the love-song, the subject of it was there ; but listening to
vows of a softer, more tender, more welcome nature.
Acis, though only a shepherd, ought to have been, in the opinion of the
nymph, a divinity. There is no doubt but he was, from the accounts
handed down to us, a remarkably good-looking fellow. His performances
on the pipe and tabor were, we are told, infinitely more melodious than
the lowing of bulls, or the bleating of sheep. His person can only be
portrayed in the words of an eminent and ancient poet, whose fervid fancy
bursts forth in descriptive sublimity thus :—
Mount Etna was the country seat of a
gigantic gentleman named Polyphemus.
This sporting box being sixty-three
miles in circuit merely, and only two
miles high, was barely big enough for
his extensive establishment. It was,
however, a convenient edifice, and
although it only had one fire-place,
was particularly warm in winter, its
fuel being thunder ; and from its em-
bers the benevolent inhabitant occa-
sionally supplied the Sicilian public
with earthquakes. The chimney was
constructed upon the Lapland-hut prin-
X$^\ ciple of architecture, being formed by
means of a small hole in the roof, not more than twenty miles
in circumference, the ruins of which are known to modern tra-
vellers, as a crater. The whole was comfortably thatched with
snow, so that the snug abode was not too warm in summer, nor
too chilly in winter.*
On the morning to which our tale refers, an attentive observer
might have noticed—even without a microscope—that, as he sat
at breakfast, the countenance of Polyphemus was shaded with
care. His eye—fixed in deep thought, as immovably as the dome of St.
Paul's—seemed to be intently occupied in taking measure of the toe of his
boot. His hands were thrust listlessly into his breeches pockets, whilst ever
and anon he heaved powerful and sonorous sighs, each explosion of which not
only blew the flame that raged within his soul, but also the fire before which
he sat, causing it to flare up to the very top of the crater. Presently, as if
to divert his melancholy, he essayed to eat; but it was evident his appetite
ft
" He was tall, nnd as straight is the poplar ".ree.
His cheeks were as red as the rose
He look'd like a squire of high degree,
When drcss'd in his Sunday clothes.
In a word, no youth of the honey-yielding plains of Enna possessed so
sweet a figure or flourished his crook with a more captivating twirl ;
indeed, Acis was a perfect lady-killer—with a hook.
The fanciful historian of this transaction has not recorded what took
place between Acis and Galatea during their interview in the grotto ;
which may be considered a fortunate omission—love-making having been,
from the earliest ages the same inane, witless, insipid formulary it is at
the present time, and there is not the least doubt that, at this ttte-a-teter
Acis indulged in the same comparisons between the stars and Galatea's-
eyes (giving, of course, the latter the preference), roses and cheeks, corals
and lips, pearls and teeth, that are being made by the millions of lovers
who are at this present instant protesting unto their mistresses in all the-
was impaired. The stewed haunch of elephant was sent away untested, £ corners and crannies of this terrestrial sphere,—whether in the-
and although he dissected a brace of roast oxen with some alacrity, and
helped himself to greens ^consisting of firs boiled in turpentine), yet he did
not finish the bonne louche with his usual rapidity, but hastily called for a
European boudoir, the Eastern harem, the groves of Blarney, beside the-
fountains of the desert, or in the kraal of the Hottentot.
But the murmurs of love were soon interrupted by a noise even more
dish of kids a la .sauce d'enfer, and a soothing draught of bottled brim- : fitful tnan that made by the prompter through the stock speaking
st°ne. i trumpet of Drury-lane Theatre, as the " cue" for the chorus " Wretched
The cloth, which covered several acres of table, being removed, he hastily : ]oyers »_Acis starting to the mouth of the cave, climbed to the summit
summoned his valet, and that obsequious Cyclops soon appeared with his , of the rock t0 gae what was the matter. To his horror and amazement,
insignia of office. In one hand he bore a lake of lather inclosed in a goodly- he beneid t]le front door of Polyphemus' mansion open, and the monster-
sized vat, whilst his arms were encumbered with a pair of razors and a issue from ;tj ^pp^-jug as « a woody peak of lofty mountains, when it
small tooth-comb;—in other words, a couple of scythes, and several iron appears separate from others *." Like a snail conscious of having ven-
rakes ingeniously bound togetherf. _ | Tured t00 far from his shell, the terrified youth incontinently slunk back
The duties of the toilet having been completed with more than usual ' • ^. cave
care, the valet complimented his master on the extensive beauty of his ! The rocks'trembled as Polyphemus approached. But the consterna-
'°°ks. ! tion of the lovers was frightful when thev found lie had taken his station
"What's the use," growled the monster sulkily, « while Galatea remains ' iinmediately over their heads. He played an overture on his mouth,
insensible to my personal attractions V ! organ, and they expected every instant that the roof would tumble in
" Tasteless vixen !» responded the Cyclops. « By the bye, Sir, have ; lrom sheer reveberation. They awaited their fate with that patient phi-
you ever tried J ' losophy which visits those who know they cannot help it. Their hair
" Tried !" abruptly repeated the love-sick man-mountain. " I have >tood on end as t]ie musjcai mountain roared out the following touching
tried everything ;—entreaties, threats, insinuations, and an ofier of serenade-—
twenty thousand a month with a separate establishment ;—but all to ! Only say
no purpose." You'll my mistress be. Ah,
" 1 was about to observe that a serenade--'
" A what ? " inquired the stupendous swaiu, rolling his eye about in its
socket like the hull of a seventy-four in a hurricane.
"A serenade —music, Sir. Orpheus, you know--."
" Orpheus be- hanged. / can't play the lute."
" But the pan's pipes divinely ; and as a bass singer your equal is not
to be found even in Italy
Don't say nay,
Charming Galatea!
i've got an establishment very great,
Swarming with servants and clients-
Consent then to be but my merry mate,
And I'll rive you the choice of my giants.
In another moment the vast frame of Polyphemus was shaken by ' 1 have gardens and horses galore ;
contending emotions. He paced the ten miles and a quarter which
bounded the narrow limits of his breakfast parlour with rapid strides.
Then stopped, looked blandly in the face of his attendant, and told him
he might have the bear-skin coat he so earnestly solicited a day or two
since. He liked the idea vastly.
"Step off instantly,'' he commanded, "and order a hundred reeds to
be made up into a stupendous mouth-organ. Let then be nicely tuned,
and be sure there is not a semi-tone less than twelve octaves and a half.
Remember, a hundred !
* " Sunt mini pars mentis vivo pendentia saxo
Antra; quibus nec Sol medio sentitur in sestet
Nec sc-ncitur hyems."—Ovirl. Metam. Lib. xiii., Fab. s,_93.4.
t ' Jam rigidos pectis rastris, Polypheme, capillos ■
Jam libet hirsutam tibi fake recidere barbam."_Id. 47.a.
My stud has a dozen grey dapples in'tl
Such an orchard—there are, I am sure.
Ten thousand square acres of apples in't!
Only say, &c.
1 have got you a boudoir, and dairy
For an endless succession of syllabubsf ;
'Stead of lap-dogs, I'll give you, my fairy,
A couple of bruin's twin filly-cubs t-
* This is Odysseus's account of the giant (Homer, od. X.;: he also says that
twenty-two four-wheeled waggons could not move the rock which closed the door.
t The expression " partem liquefacta coagula durttnt," evidently implies some-
tiling less liquid than syllabubs, perhaps cheese (sic in Dryden), or at most curds-
andwhey: but then syllabubs are so much more poetical, and certainly mucb
nicer.
1 The classical reader, 011 referring to lines 04, us, and 1S6, will perceive that oi»
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
PUNCH'S COMIC MYTHOLOGY.
CHAP. III.-ACTS AND GALATEA
The valet bowed and obeyed. Meantime Polyphemus began to com-
pose a serenade.
On the sea-shore, not far from the foot of Mount Etna, stood a neat
marine villa, consisting entirely of stone, uncemented even by mortar. It
was in fact a grotto neatly fitted up with moss, corner-cupboards, rustic-
seats, a table, an hour-glass, a book, and an imitation hermit stuffed with
EVERAL centuries ago in those re- strawj provided with real spectacles and a horse-hair beard; it was, in
mote days which ha ve no'date (f or they I fact' a .favourite spot for gypsy parties to assemble from the neighbour-
existed before Historv had snatched i in§ cit'es> DUt occasionally was made a place of assignation by lowers,
the pen from the bands of Imagination) i Near to tn's grotto Polyphemus had been in the habit of seeing his enslaver,
' and often wondered what business she could possibly have to transact
which caused her so regularly to visit the spot. Once within the hermitage,
she was safe, for her giant adorer was unable, from his bulk, to place him-
self in any position that allowed him to peep into it. Even whilst he was
composing the love-song, the subject of it was there ; but listening to
vows of a softer, more tender, more welcome nature.
Acis, though only a shepherd, ought to have been, in the opinion of the
nymph, a divinity. There is no doubt but he was, from the accounts
handed down to us, a remarkably good-looking fellow. His performances
on the pipe and tabor were, we are told, infinitely more melodious than
the lowing of bulls, or the bleating of sheep. His person can only be
portrayed in the words of an eminent and ancient poet, whose fervid fancy
bursts forth in descriptive sublimity thus :—
Mount Etna was the country seat of a
gigantic gentleman named Polyphemus.
This sporting box being sixty-three
miles in circuit merely, and only two
miles high, was barely big enough for
his extensive establishment. It was,
however, a convenient edifice, and
although it only had one fire-place,
was particularly warm in winter, its
fuel being thunder ; and from its em-
bers the benevolent inhabitant occa-
sionally supplied the Sicilian public
with earthquakes. The chimney was
constructed upon the Lapland-hut prin-
X$^\ ciple of architecture, being formed by
means of a small hole in the roof, not more than twenty miles
in circumference, the ruins of which are known to modern tra-
vellers, as a crater. The whole was comfortably thatched with
snow, so that the snug abode was not too warm in summer, nor
too chilly in winter.*
On the morning to which our tale refers, an attentive observer
might have noticed—even without a microscope—that, as he sat
at breakfast, the countenance of Polyphemus was shaded with
care. His eye—fixed in deep thought, as immovably as the dome of St.
Paul's—seemed to be intently occupied in taking measure of the toe of his
boot. His hands were thrust listlessly into his breeches pockets, whilst ever
and anon he heaved powerful and sonorous sighs, each explosion of which not
only blew the flame that raged within his soul, but also the fire before which
he sat, causing it to flare up to the very top of the crater. Presently, as if
to divert his melancholy, he essayed to eat; but it was evident his appetite
ft
" He was tall, nnd as straight is the poplar ".ree.
His cheeks were as red as the rose
He look'd like a squire of high degree,
When drcss'd in his Sunday clothes.
In a word, no youth of the honey-yielding plains of Enna possessed so
sweet a figure or flourished his crook with a more captivating twirl ;
indeed, Acis was a perfect lady-killer—with a hook.
The fanciful historian of this transaction has not recorded what took
place between Acis and Galatea during their interview in the grotto ;
which may be considered a fortunate omission—love-making having been,
from the earliest ages the same inane, witless, insipid formulary it is at
the present time, and there is not the least doubt that, at this ttte-a-teter
Acis indulged in the same comparisons between the stars and Galatea's-
eyes (giving, of course, the latter the preference), roses and cheeks, corals
and lips, pearls and teeth, that are being made by the millions of lovers
who are at this present instant protesting unto their mistresses in all the-
was impaired. The stewed haunch of elephant was sent away untested, £ corners and crannies of this terrestrial sphere,—whether in the-
and although he dissected a brace of roast oxen with some alacrity, and
helped himself to greens ^consisting of firs boiled in turpentine), yet he did
not finish the bonne louche with his usual rapidity, but hastily called for a
European boudoir, the Eastern harem, the groves of Blarney, beside the-
fountains of the desert, or in the kraal of the Hottentot.
But the murmurs of love were soon interrupted by a noise even more
dish of kids a la .sauce d'enfer, and a soothing draught of bottled brim- : fitful tnan that made by the prompter through the stock speaking
st°ne. i trumpet of Drury-lane Theatre, as the " cue" for the chorus " Wretched
The cloth, which covered several acres of table, being removed, he hastily : ]oyers »_Acis starting to the mouth of the cave, climbed to the summit
summoned his valet, and that obsequious Cyclops soon appeared with his , of the rock t0 gae what was the matter. To his horror and amazement,
insignia of office. In one hand he bore a lake of lather inclosed in a goodly- he beneid t]le front door of Polyphemus' mansion open, and the monster-
sized vat, whilst his arms were encumbered with a pair of razors and a issue from ;tj ^pp^-jug as « a woody peak of lofty mountains, when it
small tooth-comb;—in other words, a couple of scythes, and several iron appears separate from others *." Like a snail conscious of having ven-
rakes ingeniously bound togetherf. _ | Tured t00 far from his shell, the terrified youth incontinently slunk back
The duties of the toilet having been completed with more than usual ' • ^. cave
care, the valet complimented his master on the extensive beauty of his ! The rocks'trembled as Polyphemus approached. But the consterna-
'°°ks. ! tion of the lovers was frightful when thev found lie had taken his station
"What's the use," growled the monster sulkily, « while Galatea remains ' iinmediately over their heads. He played an overture on his mouth,
insensible to my personal attractions V ! organ, and they expected every instant that the roof would tumble in
" Tasteless vixen !» responded the Cyclops. « By the bye, Sir, have ; lrom sheer reveberation. They awaited their fate with that patient phi-
you ever tried J ' losophy which visits those who know they cannot help it. Their hair
" Tried !" abruptly repeated the love-sick man-mountain. " I have >tood on end as t]ie musjcai mountain roared out the following touching
tried everything ;—entreaties, threats, insinuations, and an ofier of serenade-—
twenty thousand a month with a separate establishment ;—but all to ! Only say
no purpose." You'll my mistress be. Ah,
" 1 was about to observe that a serenade--'
" A what ? " inquired the stupendous swaiu, rolling his eye about in its
socket like the hull of a seventy-four in a hurricane.
"A serenade —music, Sir. Orpheus, you know--."
" Orpheus be- hanged. / can't play the lute."
" But the pan's pipes divinely ; and as a bass singer your equal is not
to be found even in Italy
Don't say nay,
Charming Galatea!
i've got an establishment very great,
Swarming with servants and clients-
Consent then to be but my merry mate,
And I'll rive you the choice of my giants.
In another moment the vast frame of Polyphemus was shaken by ' 1 have gardens and horses galore ;
contending emotions. He paced the ten miles and a quarter which
bounded the narrow limits of his breakfast parlour with rapid strides.
Then stopped, looked blandly in the face of his attendant, and told him
he might have the bear-skin coat he so earnestly solicited a day or two
since. He liked the idea vastly.
"Step off instantly,'' he commanded, "and order a hundred reeds to
be made up into a stupendous mouth-organ. Let then be nicely tuned,
and be sure there is not a semi-tone less than twelve octaves and a half.
Remember, a hundred !
* " Sunt mini pars mentis vivo pendentia saxo
Antra; quibus nec Sol medio sentitur in sestet
Nec sc-ncitur hyems."—Ovirl. Metam. Lib. xiii., Fab. s,_93.4.
t ' Jam rigidos pectis rastris, Polypheme, capillos ■
Jam libet hirsutam tibi fake recidere barbam."_Id. 47.a.
My stud has a dozen grey dapples in'tl
Such an orchard—there are, I am sure.
Ten thousand square acres of apples in't!
Only say, &c.
1 have got you a boudoir, and dairy
For an endless succession of syllabubsf ;
'Stead of lap-dogs, I'll give you, my fairy,
A couple of bruin's twin filly-cubs t-
* This is Odysseus's account of the giant (Homer, od. X.;: he also says that
twenty-two four-wheeled waggons could not move the rock which closed the door.
t The expression " partem liquefacta coagula durttnt," evidently implies some-
tiling less liquid than syllabubs, perhaps cheese (sic in Dryden), or at most curds-
andwhey: but then syllabubs are so much more poetical, and certainly mucb
nicer.
1 The classical reader, 011 referring to lines 04, us, and 1S6, will perceive that oi»