DOI Page / Citation link:
https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16516#0211
PUNCH, OR THE LOXDON CHARIVARI.
207
PUNCH'S COMIC MYTHOLOGY.
CHAP. IV.—the abduction of proserpine.
DUCATION and boarding for young
iJii'''/'^^y^ ladies were, at the establishment kept
" ~ " by Miss Cayane, of Syracuse, Carried
on in a superior maimer upon the usual
terms, the only extras being initiation
int the Eleusinian mysteries depart-
ment, fire-works, Berlin-wool embroid-
ery,and the mathematics. So exceeding,
ly pure were Miss Cayane's morals, and
S^PPy IS f'-'^UP at the same time, so sharp and pungent
were her lectures upon any little impro-
priety of her pupils, that she lias im-
mortalised herself, by giving her name,
not only to a lake in Sicily, but also to
a certain description of red pepper,
'/JH now corrupted into Cayenne.
HP Hers was, indeed, a most aristocratic
establishment. She had the patronage,
not only of the surrounding nobility,
tout also a£ the Gods, and amongst others, Ceres intrusted her with the
care of her child, Proserpine — a young lady of a peculiarly spirited dis-
position, very fond of buns and botany.
To preserve the health of her pupils, Miss Cayane was in the habit of
talcing them out daily for an airing, and for this purpose formed them into
a double row upon perspective principles : that is to say, the tallest went
first, and so on till the line of young ladies grew fine by degrees and beau-
tifully less, getting down to the very juvenile class, which, by a poetical
figure, the mistress was wont to call the junior branches.
In one of these excursions, the academy having entered the botanical
gardens of Enna, they were allowed to separate, and to divert themselves
as best they pleased. Miss Proserpine having wandered about for some
time, went up to her governess', and dropping a graceful curtesy (she had
had two quarters' dancing), said, <■ Please, Miss, may I gather a bouquet ?
Please, Miss, it is our music-master's day to-day, and he is very fond of
flowers."
" Yes, my dear, but mind the bees, for they are very plenty about here."
Away she scampered, and was so industrious, that she collected a nose-
gay large enough for the breast of Jupiter's coachman in a state procession.
At length she came to a magnificent Narcissus, which put forth no fewer
than one hundred flowers*.
" 0, Miss P.," exclaimed one of her companions, "won't you catch it
if you pluck that flower! Why it is intended for the next horticultural fete
at Syracuse."
" I don't care," exclaimed the lovely flower-girl; " catch it or not,
here goes !"
As she stretched out her hand she perceived, on the other side of a rose-
bed, a remarkably dark-looking gentleman, making very minute observa-
tions of her through an eye-glass. She instantly drew back in affright,
thinking it was one of the gardeners ; but on hearing an ejaculation which
sounded very like " Remarkably fine girl, by Jove !" she knew it was only
an admirer, and made another attempt to pluck one of the flowers.
" Don't! don't !" exclaimed her schoolfellow, " who knows—it may be
enchanted !"
" Law ! do you think so ?—Well, now you mention it, I do smell a very
strong odour of brimstone."
" And—my stars !—look there between those trees ! did you ever see
such a splendid post-chaise 1 My gracious ! the horses have got such
long tails !"
" Well, who cares 1—They won't miss one flower off this great bush of
narcissuses.''.
She severed the fatal bud from its stem.—The deed was done !—the
dark man leapt the hedge—the companion screamed—Proserpine cried
" Don't !" with all her might ; but the intruder persisted—seized her
round the waist—carried her by main force to the carriage—promised
the post-boys several extra guineas if they'd " drive like blazes to the
blacksmith i" And off they started, for the Cyclops and Mount Etna.
Except the Wakefield and Turner affair, which happened a few years
later, no similar untoward event ever created a greater sensation. Miss
Cayane went into hysterics with the utmost promptitude, and the young
ladies screamed, or laughed, or cried, or capered, or fainted, according to
their several inclinations ; but all concurred in calling it a shocking thing,
and hoped it would end in a half holiday.
One of the teachers rushed home immediately, and sent a special mes-
senger to the minister of police—one Mercury of Olympus, and wrote
home to Proserpine's friends by the next post. The music-master hap-
* " She plucked the rose, the violet, the crocus, the hyacinth, when she beheld a
narcissus of surprising size and beauty, an object of amazement to ' all immortal gods
and mortal men,' for one hundred flowers grew from the root."—Keightley'a My- There is such a powerful actor at the Pavilion Theatre, that everj time he speaks
thology quoting an Homer, hymn at p. 134. he brings the whole house down !
pened to be there, and, rabid with the pangs of jealousy, ordered post-
horses from the inn to follow the fugitives. By the time it came,
" governess" arrived, and insisted on having a seat in the vehicle, as,
unless something were done, her school was ruined for ever.
Meantime Proserpine shrieked and screamed with that due regard to
the feminine propriety and modesty which she had been taught at Miss
Cayane's establishment to observe under such circumstances as she then
found herself placed in. Although no young ladies'lungs were ever in
better condition, yet all her cries produced little effect. In vain her
abducer promised her everything she could desire—unlimited credit at
the jeweller's, the mercer's, and the modiste's, together with as many
evening parties as she chose to give ; yet she was not to be pacified.
" My dearest angel!" exclaimed her companion, "do not imagine that
you will tire me by your shrieks—compared to the noises I am used to at
home they are music. Go on, dearest—the louder and more piercing your
cries the better I like them."
Of course Proserpine was silent almost immediately.
• " My dear girl," he continued, '• you do not know the good fortune in
store for you, I am Pluto—"
" The--2" ejaculated the fair one, eheoking herself. " What, old
Bogie in earnest ? Law, why you are quite good-looking to what I thought
you were. What will mama say V
On ! on ! on ! they galloped faster and farther than Harrison Ains-
wortlvs Dick Turpin when he rode to York. But their career was to be
checked. The more drunken of the post-boys got upon a grey mare,
and down she tumbled.
" The near leader, by all that's infernal !" shouted Pluto.
" Don't swear, please," sighed Proserpine ; " it frightens me."
The enraged lover heeded not this caution ; but on getting out uttered a
volley of oaths, which made the ground shake beneath them ! Whilst
repairing the damage, however, the sounds of wheels were heard in the
rear.
" Confusion ! what is to be done?" exclaimed the infernal god.
"Pray make haste," shouted Proserpine, " or they will soon overtake
tfs." •-. '■ ; ■■ ' ■ /; ."• '° / ' " ;''
Pluto's rage vanished at these encouraging words ; he flew into the
chaise, took the young lady in his arms, and by his fervent attentions so
shocked her, that she had no power to resist.
" Will you consent to be mine?"
" If you'll ask my mama."
;i Aias, I have done so, and she has refused me.—Ah, they are. upon
us ! One word, and--"
Yes," replied the maiden, for fear they should be overtaken..
" Then down we go at once," rejoined Pluto, and sure enough they did.
The earth opened, and they were on the banks of the Styx in no time ;
where they were soon followed by Miss Cayane, for she drowned herself,
and being a schoolmistress, went of course to Hades.
Twelve months after Ceres having, like a great many other wise parents,
given her consent to what she could not prevent, Pluto and Proserpine
were married, upon the single condition that the latter should go home for
the holidays, which she regularly has done ever since during the dog-days.
INCOME TAX STATISTICS.
Some curious calculations have been made by an assessor, from the
papers which have come into his hand, and as he has favoured us with a
perusal we have no hesitation in giving them to the public.
Out of forty returns below one hundred and fifty pounds a-year, two
had added in a note, " Don't you wish you may get it V one had drawn
the figure of an individual with his thumb placed on the end of his nose ;
and six had given poetical answers to the enquiries made of them. One
had drawn a series of circular figures with instructions to put that and
that together, for the purpose of determining the amount of the sender's
income ; and another individual had filled up the column that ought to
contain an account of his property with a reference to an official assignee
of the Bankruptcy Court. Several of the returns are copiously illustrated
with pen-and-ink sketches ; and one contains the following graphic por-
trait of an infant, as the only return to be. made, under the,head of
a long annuity.
207
PUNCH'S COMIC MYTHOLOGY.
CHAP. IV.—the abduction of proserpine.
DUCATION and boarding for young
iJii'''/'^^y^ ladies were, at the establishment kept
" ~ " by Miss Cayane, of Syracuse, Carried
on in a superior maimer upon the usual
terms, the only extras being initiation
int the Eleusinian mysteries depart-
ment, fire-works, Berlin-wool embroid-
ery,and the mathematics. So exceeding,
ly pure were Miss Cayane's morals, and
S^PPy IS f'-'^UP at the same time, so sharp and pungent
were her lectures upon any little impro-
priety of her pupils, that she lias im-
mortalised herself, by giving her name,
not only to a lake in Sicily, but also to
a certain description of red pepper,
'/JH now corrupted into Cayenne.
HP Hers was, indeed, a most aristocratic
establishment. She had the patronage,
not only of the surrounding nobility,
tout also a£ the Gods, and amongst others, Ceres intrusted her with the
care of her child, Proserpine — a young lady of a peculiarly spirited dis-
position, very fond of buns and botany.
To preserve the health of her pupils, Miss Cayane was in the habit of
talcing them out daily for an airing, and for this purpose formed them into
a double row upon perspective principles : that is to say, the tallest went
first, and so on till the line of young ladies grew fine by degrees and beau-
tifully less, getting down to the very juvenile class, which, by a poetical
figure, the mistress was wont to call the junior branches.
In one of these excursions, the academy having entered the botanical
gardens of Enna, they were allowed to separate, and to divert themselves
as best they pleased. Miss Proserpine having wandered about for some
time, went up to her governess', and dropping a graceful curtesy (she had
had two quarters' dancing), said, <■ Please, Miss, may I gather a bouquet ?
Please, Miss, it is our music-master's day to-day, and he is very fond of
flowers."
" Yes, my dear, but mind the bees, for they are very plenty about here."
Away she scampered, and was so industrious, that she collected a nose-
gay large enough for the breast of Jupiter's coachman in a state procession.
At length she came to a magnificent Narcissus, which put forth no fewer
than one hundred flowers*.
" 0, Miss P.," exclaimed one of her companions, "won't you catch it
if you pluck that flower! Why it is intended for the next horticultural fete
at Syracuse."
" I don't care," exclaimed the lovely flower-girl; " catch it or not,
here goes !"
As she stretched out her hand she perceived, on the other side of a rose-
bed, a remarkably dark-looking gentleman, making very minute observa-
tions of her through an eye-glass. She instantly drew back in affright,
thinking it was one of the gardeners ; but on hearing an ejaculation which
sounded very like " Remarkably fine girl, by Jove !" she knew it was only
an admirer, and made another attempt to pluck one of the flowers.
" Don't! don't !" exclaimed her schoolfellow, " who knows—it may be
enchanted !"
" Law ! do you think so ?—Well, now you mention it, I do smell a very
strong odour of brimstone."
" And—my stars !—look there between those trees ! did you ever see
such a splendid post-chaise 1 My gracious ! the horses have got such
long tails !"
" Well, who cares 1—They won't miss one flower off this great bush of
narcissuses.''.
She severed the fatal bud from its stem.—The deed was done !—the
dark man leapt the hedge—the companion screamed—Proserpine cried
" Don't !" with all her might ; but the intruder persisted—seized her
round the waist—carried her by main force to the carriage—promised
the post-boys several extra guineas if they'd " drive like blazes to the
blacksmith i" And off they started, for the Cyclops and Mount Etna.
Except the Wakefield and Turner affair, which happened a few years
later, no similar untoward event ever created a greater sensation. Miss
Cayane went into hysterics with the utmost promptitude, and the young
ladies screamed, or laughed, or cried, or capered, or fainted, according to
their several inclinations ; but all concurred in calling it a shocking thing,
and hoped it would end in a half holiday.
One of the teachers rushed home immediately, and sent a special mes-
senger to the minister of police—one Mercury of Olympus, and wrote
home to Proserpine's friends by the next post. The music-master hap-
* " She plucked the rose, the violet, the crocus, the hyacinth, when she beheld a
narcissus of surprising size and beauty, an object of amazement to ' all immortal gods
and mortal men,' for one hundred flowers grew from the root."—Keightley'a My- There is such a powerful actor at the Pavilion Theatre, that everj time he speaks
thology quoting an Homer, hymn at p. 134. he brings the whole house down !
pened to be there, and, rabid with the pangs of jealousy, ordered post-
horses from the inn to follow the fugitives. By the time it came,
" governess" arrived, and insisted on having a seat in the vehicle, as,
unless something were done, her school was ruined for ever.
Meantime Proserpine shrieked and screamed with that due regard to
the feminine propriety and modesty which she had been taught at Miss
Cayane's establishment to observe under such circumstances as she then
found herself placed in. Although no young ladies'lungs were ever in
better condition, yet all her cries produced little effect. In vain her
abducer promised her everything she could desire—unlimited credit at
the jeweller's, the mercer's, and the modiste's, together with as many
evening parties as she chose to give ; yet she was not to be pacified.
" My dearest angel!" exclaimed her companion, "do not imagine that
you will tire me by your shrieks—compared to the noises I am used to at
home they are music. Go on, dearest—the louder and more piercing your
cries the better I like them."
Of course Proserpine was silent almost immediately.
• " My dear girl," he continued, '• you do not know the good fortune in
store for you, I am Pluto—"
" The--2" ejaculated the fair one, eheoking herself. " What, old
Bogie in earnest ? Law, why you are quite good-looking to what I thought
you were. What will mama say V
On ! on ! on ! they galloped faster and farther than Harrison Ains-
wortlvs Dick Turpin when he rode to York. But their career was to be
checked. The more drunken of the post-boys got upon a grey mare,
and down she tumbled.
" The near leader, by all that's infernal !" shouted Pluto.
" Don't swear, please," sighed Proserpine ; " it frightens me."
The enraged lover heeded not this caution ; but on getting out uttered a
volley of oaths, which made the ground shake beneath them ! Whilst
repairing the damage, however, the sounds of wheels were heard in the
rear.
" Confusion ! what is to be done?" exclaimed the infernal god.
"Pray make haste," shouted Proserpine, " or they will soon overtake
tfs." •-. '■ ; ■■ ' ■ /; ."• '° / ' " ;''
Pluto's rage vanished at these encouraging words ; he flew into the
chaise, took the young lady in his arms, and by his fervent attentions so
shocked her, that she had no power to resist.
" Will you consent to be mine?"
" If you'll ask my mama."
;i Aias, I have done so, and she has refused me.—Ah, they are. upon
us ! One word, and--"
Yes," replied the maiden, for fear they should be overtaken..
" Then down we go at once," rejoined Pluto, and sure enough they did.
The earth opened, and they were on the banks of the Styx in no time ;
where they were soon followed by Miss Cayane, for she drowned herself,
and being a schoolmistress, went of course to Hades.
Twelve months after Ceres having, like a great many other wise parents,
given her consent to what she could not prevent, Pluto and Proserpine
were married, upon the single condition that the latter should go home for
the holidays, which she regularly has done ever since during the dog-days.
INCOME TAX STATISTICS.
Some curious calculations have been made by an assessor, from the
papers which have come into his hand, and as he has favoured us with a
perusal we have no hesitation in giving them to the public.
Out of forty returns below one hundred and fifty pounds a-year, two
had added in a note, " Don't you wish you may get it V one had drawn
the figure of an individual with his thumb placed on the end of his nose ;
and six had given poetical answers to the enquiries made of them. One
had drawn a series of circular figures with instructions to put that and
that together, for the purpose of determining the amount of the sender's
income ; and another individual had filled up the column that ought to
contain an account of his property with a reference to an official assignee
of the Bankruptcy Court. Several of the returns are copiously illustrated
with pen-and-ink sketches ; and one contains the following graphic por-
trait of an infant, as the only return to be. made, under the,head of
a long annuity.