Punch or The London charivari (4.1843)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

THE SiDE-SCENES OF SOCIETY.

CHAPTER VIII.—A FANCY-FAIR.
Ciiaiuty, it is said, covereth a multitude of sins ; and when she
"does so with a veil of costly manufacture, however delicate and trans-
parent its texture, the concealment is much more effectual than if it
were a tarpaulin of the coarsest sackcloth. The Lacquers are per-
fectly aware of this, and consequently are never backward in eleemo-
synary offerings, provided always that the object be a fashionable
one, approved of by their set; and that their Liberality be not hidden
under a bushel, but placarded in great thoroughfares, and proclaimed
to the world by the speaking-trumpet of ostentation.
Some little time back, in consequence of embarrassed funds,
the patronesses of the " Ladies'-babies'-bib-and-tucker-general-loan
association" determined upon holding a fancy fair for the benefit of
the institution ; and were fortunate enough not only to secure the
approving countenance of the Dowager Lady Floss to the undertak-
ing, but also to get a sermon preached in its favour by a pet parson
at a fashionable church. Our acquaintances were amongst the first
applied to for their support, which Mrs. Lacquer cheerfully promised,
saying, " that there was no labour in the world more gratifying than
that of alleviating the distresses of our fellow creatures; and that
this had been her principal aim in giving her daughters the first
education money could furnish." And then the patronesses of the
association went away rejoicing, and proclaimed everywhere what
kind and benevolent people the Lacquers were. But we ourselves
had always been accustomed to look upon Mrs. Spangle Lacquer as
a gaudy French clock, with very inferior works, which might be seen
through the glass sides ; and when we regarded the inward springs
that set the motives of her life in action, we found out, that unless
there had been a chance of her daughters' keeping a stall, or hav-
ing their productions lauded and chronicled in the columns of a
fashionable journal, the " Ladies'-babies'-bib-and-tucker-general-
loan-association " might have fallen to the ground with the greatest
pleasure in the world on the part of Mrs. Lacquer. But the fair was
expected to be fashionably attended—fashionable families gave it
their countenance—the very circumstance of young aristocratic
ladies lowering themselves to trade, and playing at shop-girls, was
fashionable—and very fashionable company were to be admitted the
first day at half-a-crown a piece for the mere privilege of entrance.
But that the noble objects of the institution might be universal, and
all allowed to contribute to their furtherance, common people were
allowed to pay a shilling, and come in on the last day, when some of
the articles began to hang on hand, and the more select visitors had
picked out what goods most captivated their fancy. What a bleseed and
single-hearted feeling is the charity which manifests itself so openly
at fancy-fairs, and allows every one to exercise his benevolence !
The Lacquers immediately set to work and made all sorts of fancy
articles ; and what they did not make they bought at the bazaars,
and sent in under their names, which answered the purpose just as
■well. First of all, as they had been taught drawing, they produced
an immense quantity of fire-screens, adorned with sketches of what
appeared to be aristocratic periwinkle and whelk shells, reposing on
shreds of pink and blue bird's-eye tobacco, intended, in the luxuriance
of their imaginations, for sea-weed ; over which were hovering vari-
ous unknown butterflies, with tinsel wings, most appropriately intro-
duced—the butterfly being, as everybody is aware, a marine insect
that resides at the bottom of the sea. Then their grocer was ordered
to send them various grape-jars, painted green, and furnished with
gilt knobs ; and having bought a piece of gaudy chintz at a leading
upholsterer's, they cut out all the birds and flowers imprinted thereon,
and stuck them on the jars, which were subsequently varnished, and
called "Macao Vases." Mrs. Lacquer was not very great in drawing
or painting, but she bought bundles of short straws at her bonnet-
maker's, and fixing them in circular frames of pasteboard, twisted
blue ribbon in and out, making them resemble Lilliputian hurdles ;
and when the apparatus was complete, it was termed a spill-case, to
be sold, with similar ones, at a guinea the pair. And next a quan-
tity of trays of white wood, together with card-cases, envelope-boxes,
glove-containers, and many other contrivances of the same material,
were laid in from the fashionable stationer's. These were intended
to be adorned with the transfer-work, and then what havoc began !
Innumerable lithographs were immolated—all the table-covers in the
house were varnished, more or less ; and the bottles were broken,
and corks lefc out, and contents all evaporated or dried. And the
Misses Lacquer themselves, for an entire week, had such very sticky
fingers, that the young men of fashion who had the entree of the house,

and came to talk captivating nothings to the ladies, or hold their
skeins of silk whilst they were engaged in their fancy manufactures,
declared that shaking hands with them was one of the most delightful
sensations which they—the young men of fashion—had experienced
for some time. They were fairly detained fur a minute in the
thrilling and adhesive grasp of the young ladies.
The Misses Lacquer did not do a great deal in the Berlin-wcol
line—they pronounced it worn-out and too much followed by com-
mon people to create any more sensation. Possibly they might have
thought that it was a great deal of trouble with a very little effect—
but this by the way. But they performed some very curious feats of
sleight of hand, with a pack of perforated cards, torturing them into
sticking-plaster cases, and what-nots ; and when their ingenuity
could devise no fresh shape to stitch them into, they turned their
attention to the perforations themselves, and pushed needles, followed
by trains of coloured floss silk, through the little round holes, which
they termed embroidering them.
At last their wares were completed, and sent in, to the great
exultation of Mrs. Lacquer, and equal admiration of the lady-com-
mittee, who unanimously declared that the Misses Lacquers' stall
would be the most attractive, and confer the greatest benefit upon
the treasury of the association—whose sole end was charity, hut
those good Christians never gave a thought, to the number of con-
sumptive heart-broken girls who were struggling for a slender live-
lihood—in many cases to support others besides themselves—by
manufacturing the very same kind of things offered at the fancy fair,
with the exception of theii being better made and much cheaper
than the amateur articles. Or if they did once think about it, ilie
only feeling was in all probability one of vanity, in being able to
compete with regular manufacturers, without having been brought
up to labour. And of course the Honourable Kensington Pump
would sooner wear a pair of gaudy braces painted upon velvet by the
fair hands of Miss Lacquer herself,


and exhibit them at water-parties, or other occasions on which he
had to take off his coat in public, than a pair of the same kind orna-
mented by nobody knew who, and bought at a bazaar. How could
any one expect it would be otherwise ; although a bewitching smile
of thanks was all the change he got for his five-pound note? And
young Fitzmoses also, who had all the inclination and none of the
ability to become a man about town, did not at all grumble at buying
a guinea pen-wiper for the purposes of charity ; it was such a r^re
chance, also, to get the opportunity of " chaffing " the refined
daughters of the West End, whilst making the purchase, just as if
they had been common stall-keepers at the counters of the Pantheon
or Soho Bazaar. This was very pleasant and agreeable to all parties,
heightened by the good they felt they were doing in a benevolent
point of view. It was impossible to benefit every body, and although
every article that was sold took a crust from the board of some
industrious female artist, yet it swelled the treasury of the " Ladies'-
babies'-bib-and-tucker-general-loan-association," and the various