iOO PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

ot a great city. Not, however, that they are always perfectly at their
ease in the country ; for their position is somewhat uncomfortably
poised between the real county aristocracy and the petty agricultural
gentilities, belonging to neither, and occasionally looked shy at by
both. And since they are in perpetual fear of losing caste in the
frigid respectability of these districts, by an unlucky acquaintance
or an unfortunate slight, their existence is a continuous scene of
anxious manoeuvring and finesse ; making strict search into the origin
and position of all people taking houses in their vicinity, whom they
hang off from calling upon, until they have ascertained who and
what their new neighbours are. And in country visiting, it is abso-
lutely necessary to find out all those ladies and gentlemen who do
not meet each other, either from natural antipathy, touchy disposi-
tion, or fancied difference of rank ; by means of which knowledge
alone rural dinner-parties can be satisfactorily arranged, to the equal
comfort of the host or hostess and their visitors, who would other-
wise be obliged to sit looking at each other, like fighting cats, across
the table. And this cautious manner of proceeding gives an impetus
to country visiting, instead of restraining it. For example, the A.'s
have a party, and ask the B.'s and C.'s. The B.'s next invite the other
two families, and then the C.'s ask the A.'s and B.'s in company with
the D.'s. And finally, the last-named persons return the hospitality
of the C.'s, excluding, of course, the others ; but asking the E.'s and
F.'s in their places, to show that they can command quite as good a
circle of society.
As with their relatives in town, the Stiffbacks make religion the
principal medium for exhibiting their gentility to the eyes of the
world. But it is obliged to be managed in a different manner, since in
a country village there is no fashionable church wherein to blazon
forth plumes and cachmeres to a patrician audience—for audience is
in this case a far more natural word than congregation. The
humble fane receives alike the peasant and the aristocrat ; and the
preacher must make his discourse equally intelligible to both, instead
of seeking by theatrical declamation and high-flown language to
secure the affections of the higher class alone—the chief object of
the London Pet Parson. And so, as distinction is not to be obtained
by attending church, the Stiffbacks belong to what is termed a
"District Society," for visiting the poor at their own houses. This
is not for the purpose of distributing beef and blankets to the hungry
and naked, but for the far more laudable design of consoling the
sick and starving with a tract

which they are requested to read, keep clean, and then return. And
conjoined to this society Mrs. Stiffback, in company with some other
ladies, has established a private Sunday-school, wherein some fifteen
or twenty fidgety children study " Reading made Uneasy" in a hot,
ill-ventilated room on fine summer afternoons, and sing hymns that
would drive even Hullah mad—in which they evince their gratitude

to their benefactors by frequent yawns and shuffles, and longing
glances at the waving trees and green pastures about the school-
house. The ladies take it in turns to become governesses, and all
appear to find great delight in the occupation, except Mrs. Heartly,
who was profane enough one afternoon to give all the children tea
and cake, instead of affording the usual hebdomadal aliment to their
minds—a proceeding which drew down upon her the indignation of
every pious and well-regulated individual in the village, including of
course Mrs. Stiffback at the head of them, until she found that Mrs.
Heartly was on visiting terms in London with Mrs. Spangle Lacquer
—of whom the Stiffbacks think a great deal—when she immediately
pronounced it a very charitable and thoughtful benefaction.
Indeed, it was at Mrs. Heartly's instance alone that Mrs. Stiffback
refrained from paying a visit to Widow Hopkins, whither she
intended to go and lecture the poor woman upon the impropriety of
her allowing her children to have the measles, and actually staying away
from church one Sunday to attend upon them, when the infant was
also taken ill. Not, however, that Mrs. Stiffback felt much affection
for Mrs. Heartly in reality, nor did any of her friends ; for whilst they
themselves were in the habit of dressing more expensively than
others in the village—in fact, visited London almost expressly for
the purpose of bringing down the newest fashions—still the Heartlys
were upon most intimate terms with many of the county families, who
onhy received Mrs. Stiffback and her party with the formality of
cold politeness. And this was the more remarkable, because
although the Heartlys were really well-born, yet their income was
somewhat limited ; and both mother and daughters went about in
common whittles and straw-bonnets, which Mrs. Stiffback would
scarcely have allowed her nursery-maid to wear—certainly not her
governess. But after all, the Heartlys were very peculiar in
their habits.
Mr. Stiffback may be briefly described as one of that large body of
parvenus who have lost the civility of the tradesman, without acquiring
the manners of the gentleman. He walks about the village as if
every pebble and blade of grass was under subjection to him, and is
courteous to no one—being pompous even to his equals, and taking no
notice of his superiors—possibly for the simple reason that they are
not particularly attentive to him. He makes the village coach take
him round to his own door—why, it is difficult to determine, for lie
pays on more than anybody else; but he thinks this gives him con-
sequence, and so he enforces it.
Independent of those in that sphere of visiting which they are
pleased to term their own, the Stiffbacks court the professional society
of the village. The clergyman of course comes first ; and he is at all
times most polite (o his entertainers, because they always head the
coal and missionary subscriptions, and are indefatigable in collecting
penny-pieces for the conversion of anonymous savages living in un-
known islands. Besides, Mr. Stiffback had the weathercock of the
church re-gilt at his own expense. Then conies the medical man,
and then the lawyer. This last gentleman believes himself to be the
link between the upper and lower orders in the neighbourhood ; but
as his clients contain some of either class, he is necessarily obliged to
be polite to both, and give occasional dinners ; but these dinners are
always in sets of graduated distinction. And although he sometimes
appears to slight his less important connexions, yet they do not take
much notice of it ; for they are aware that he goes into better society
than they do—that if they offended him the others would still receive
him ; and so, for the sake of scratching together a little important
society, they pocket all sorts of affronts, which would be revenged
upon an equal or inferior with unmitigated severity.

THE HUMANE SOCIETY.
This excellent society, directly the frost set in, went to work with their
usual activity to provid'e for the public safety. The first measure was to
set the society's men to work, breaking the ice all round the sides of the
various pieces of water, so that any one reiving on the strength of the ice
would probably get a ducking at the outset, and thus give to the society
the merit of having "saved " such individuals as may have fallen in, under
the very humane arrangements of the excellent body alluded to.
Among the other " admirable arrangements" is the throwing of lines all
across the ice for skaters and others to tumble over them, to say nothing
of the splendid idea of making a large hole, and sticking up a pole in the
middle of it, surmounted with the word " Dangerous." There is no doubt
that the society means uncommonly well; but when the board next meets
we should like to suggest that the humane character of the association
might be just as well preserved by confining its objects to assisting those
who have got into the water, instead of extending its benevolence to break-
ing the ice for the mere love of aiding in cases of accident.