DOI Seite / Zitierlink:
https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16513#0227
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
225
SONNET.
BY A MEDALSOME MATHEWITE.
Happy tlie sober Man who bounds his wish
B>' Temperance's safe and wholesome code,
And travels in the safe and steady road
By merely quaffing the diurnal dish
Of Tea, or drinking water, like a fish,
Instead of draughts that madden and corrode !
For him, unnumber'd pleasures shall have birth..
All joys the Social Virtues can produce for him—
Contentment, Health, Peace, Innocence and Mirth,
Making his home a heaven upon earth—
Each household quality shall be in use for him,
Neatness shall clean the furniture of worth,
Thrift light the tire—Decorum sweep the hearth,
And Love, domestic Love, shall cook his goose for him !
Unfo Institution.
EXAMINATION PAPER.—MICHAELMAS TERM.
(As perused and settled by John Punch, Gent., one, S±c.)
Cffommon JLato.
1. Divide the foreigners of distinction now in town into—
Common Counts, Work and Labour Counts,
Money Counts, Superfluous Counts.
2. " Britannia rules the waves." Will she " rule them to bring in the
body?" What sort of a rule does she employ for the purpose? Is it
an eight day rule, a side bar rule, a fort rule, or a rule nisi ? Which of
these was "the rule in Shelley's case ? " Was Shelley unruly, or did he
submit to be ruled ? What was the rule in the " Six Carpenters' Case ?"
Was this a carpenter's rule or a sliding scale ?
3. To bring into England any bull from Rome was formerly a praemu-
nire. How is this affected by the new tariff ? How of bull terriers ?
What is the law of England as to Irish bulls? Why are "old ter-
O »
riers" allowed in courts of justice? Do they "run with the land?"
How would you " serve " a bull in a china-shop ? Supposing him to do
damage therein to the amount of 20s., would he carry costs into the " locus
in quo ? " Would it be " pound-breach ? "
4. Can a '-declaration on promises" be made to a " femme sole"
without " protestation ?" What is the effect of acceptance in such cases ?
Is the common form, "Well! I declare," sufficient to secure "quiet
enjoyment" without any "further assurance?" Supposing yourself
■"accepted at sight," or by parol, according to the custom of London,
would you allow the " parol to demur ?"
Statute 3Lato.
1. What is " The Coal-whippers' Act?'' What are the provisions of
the Mutiny Act as to coal-whipping ? Can coal be " privately whipped ?"
Are colliers ever " lashed alongside ? " How many lashes can be given
in such cases ? Is there any lighter punishment ? Who was " old King
Cole ?'' Who were " his fiddlers three ?"
'■ Every fiddler had a good fiddle,
And a very good fiddle had he."
1-3 this a coal metre ? Did the property in the fiddles vest in the king or
in the fiddlers ?
2. The "Irish Arms Act" requires all arms to be registered and
stamped. How does this affect ladies' arms particularly when concealed ?
Row of children " openly appearing in arms ?" What is the difference be-
tween the " arms of the see " (as of Armagh) and the " arms of the sea "
in Ireland? Would an arm of the Atlantic, or of the North Sea, in Ire-
land, be an " Irish arm ' under this statute ? How of the arms of a wind-
mill (unregistered) ?
WATERLOO BRIDGE AT A PREMIUM.
ver since the stopping up of Westminster bridge,
the traffic over Waterloo has so much increased,
that the new shareholders have some hope of re-
ducing the old debt on the original debentures
of the first liability on the fourteenth issue of
scrip to the former creditors. If this should be
the case, there will be some hope for the old
obligees, with the reversionary right to the con-
tingency of two per cent, after the whole of the
passive debt and active liabilities are satisfied.
The money-taker has paid in nearly four pounds beyond the expense of
lighting, paving, and sweeping the road, as well as repairing, recon-
structing, and renovating the balustrading. This has caused an excite-
ment among the shareholders, which has driven many of them to the
toll-gate to. inquire how much has been taken—a species of curiosity that
the tolVkeeper has been ordered by the directors not to satisfy.
ADVERTISING PARSON6.
uppose John Smith to marry Laura Snooks, if tna
world wants to know anything about them, the facs
is all the world wants to know ; but it is now the
fashion (in order to provide materials to the future
historian, we presume,) to advertise the name of the
parson who tied the noose—or rather got the thread
of fate into a tangle. It is always " Married, Mr.
So-and-So, by the Reverend This-and-That, to Miss
Whac's-her-Name so that it is really difficult, at
the first glance, to say whether Miss So-and-So has
iC rJSelii not marr'ed the parson, or whether it is a marriage
Jclaivffflf at all, or a bankruptcy got in by mistake ; and the
name of the bride's father gets confounded in our
minds with the official assiguee, while we often set
down the bridegroom as the bankrupt.
If the parsons who marry want to advertise, why don't they go the
whole hog, and send about carts for the guidance of " those about to
marry "or placards with the words " When you marry, get your parson
from "the parish of So-and-So." We remember our old friend Bisli, the
lotterv contractor, used to issue bills intimating that " Bish sold all the
thirty thousands and why should not a parson advertise that, in the
rrreat lottery of life, " the Rev. J. Whatshisname married all the happy
couples." We have heard of an attorney who announced that he had
secured in the last term all the debtors, and held it out as a bait to credi-
tors to become his clients. Such a course as we recommend to the par-
sons would be more becoming to the clerical character, and would promote
competition in a straightforward manner.
THE SUREST MEANS FOR INTERNATIONALITY.
The Academy of Macon having offered a gold medal, worth 300 franc3,
" for the best essay on the causes of international hatred, and the means
of abolishing or reducing it," the editor of the National has contended
for the prize. We have been favoured with an early copy of his very
dispassionate essay, and were greatly astonished, not only at the extreme
ingenuity of its various hypotheses, but particular.)' at its undeniable de-
ductions. The causes of "the international hatred are shown to be—
1st. That there is not one king for the two countries,
2nd. That the two countries are not incorporated together,
3rd. That there is not the same language, the same code of laws, the
same currency, the same religion, and the same system of
taxation, &c. &c., for both England and France.
The editor then proceeds to demonstrate that these causes will never
be removed—
Till, 1st. Louis-Philippe be King of the English ;
„ 2nd. Paris be the capital of England ;
,, 3rd. India and Ireland be provinces of France;
„ 4th. Punch and the Times be printed in French ;
„ 5th. Francs and centimes be the small change of both countries ;
„ 6th. Le Code Napoleon be the law at Westminster Hall ; and
„ 7th. Le drapeau tricolor be the Union-Jack of England.
All this seems to us so easy, that we wonder it has not been acted upon
centuries ago. If it were not for Punch being printed ia French, every
one would pray for its adoption to-morrow.
"White Hart Union.
To PtlNCH. Puddellbrig, November 5, 1843.
Sir,—If you pleas, can you tell us wot the nu pictur off Una means
their is a Club wich meets as above we paies 1 s. each member wicli is 21
and we sends upp to Lunnun and taks our chance off a price wich we
didnt gett—tho wery nigh, but we ass gote a pictur called Una now sir do
uno wot it means—is it a lion, a ould ooman, a young man, a tall gall in
white or a jack ass looking inn at a dore. So no more.
Yours, &c.,
Gile3 Green.
Chareman of the Rashional Wite Hart Union, Pudelbrig
A True Report,
(from our own penny-a-liner.)
St. Katharine's.
We are little accustomed to give ear to reports in general ; but when
they are of such an astounding nature as to force themselves upon our
attention, we cannot avoid it. This peaceable locality was last week
thrown into great excitement, in consequence of a report getting into
general circulation, calculated to disturb the domestic quiet of many of
the inhabitants. The truth of it no one seemed to question.
We, however, to set at rest any doubt on the matter, immediately com-
menced an inquiry, and had the satisfaction to discover that the said
report was perfectly true and well-founded, and had proceeded from—
one of the Tower Guns.
225
SONNET.
BY A MEDALSOME MATHEWITE.
Happy tlie sober Man who bounds his wish
B>' Temperance's safe and wholesome code,
And travels in the safe and steady road
By merely quaffing the diurnal dish
Of Tea, or drinking water, like a fish,
Instead of draughts that madden and corrode !
For him, unnumber'd pleasures shall have birth..
All joys the Social Virtues can produce for him—
Contentment, Health, Peace, Innocence and Mirth,
Making his home a heaven upon earth—
Each household quality shall be in use for him,
Neatness shall clean the furniture of worth,
Thrift light the tire—Decorum sweep the hearth,
And Love, domestic Love, shall cook his goose for him !
Unfo Institution.
EXAMINATION PAPER.—MICHAELMAS TERM.
(As perused and settled by John Punch, Gent., one, S±c.)
Cffommon JLato.
1. Divide the foreigners of distinction now in town into—
Common Counts, Work and Labour Counts,
Money Counts, Superfluous Counts.
2. " Britannia rules the waves." Will she " rule them to bring in the
body?" What sort of a rule does she employ for the purpose? Is it
an eight day rule, a side bar rule, a fort rule, or a rule nisi ? Which of
these was "the rule in Shelley's case ? " Was Shelley unruly, or did he
submit to be ruled ? What was the rule in the " Six Carpenters' Case ?"
Was this a carpenter's rule or a sliding scale ?
3. To bring into England any bull from Rome was formerly a praemu-
nire. How is this affected by the new tariff ? How of bull terriers ?
What is the law of England as to Irish bulls? Why are "old ter-
O »
riers" allowed in courts of justice? Do they "run with the land?"
How would you " serve " a bull in a china-shop ? Supposing him to do
damage therein to the amount of 20s., would he carry costs into the " locus
in quo ? " Would it be " pound-breach ? "
4. Can a '-declaration on promises" be made to a " femme sole"
without " protestation ?" What is the effect of acceptance in such cases ?
Is the common form, "Well! I declare," sufficient to secure "quiet
enjoyment" without any "further assurance?" Supposing yourself
■"accepted at sight," or by parol, according to the custom of London,
would you allow the " parol to demur ?"
Statute 3Lato.
1. What is " The Coal-whippers' Act?'' What are the provisions of
the Mutiny Act as to coal-whipping ? Can coal be " privately whipped ?"
Are colliers ever " lashed alongside ? " How many lashes can be given
in such cases ? Is there any lighter punishment ? Who was " old King
Cole ?'' Who were " his fiddlers three ?"
'■ Every fiddler had a good fiddle,
And a very good fiddle had he."
1-3 this a coal metre ? Did the property in the fiddles vest in the king or
in the fiddlers ?
2. The "Irish Arms Act" requires all arms to be registered and
stamped. How does this affect ladies' arms particularly when concealed ?
Row of children " openly appearing in arms ?" What is the difference be-
tween the " arms of the see " (as of Armagh) and the " arms of the sea "
in Ireland? Would an arm of the Atlantic, or of the North Sea, in Ire-
land, be an " Irish arm ' under this statute ? How of the arms of a wind-
mill (unregistered) ?
WATERLOO BRIDGE AT A PREMIUM.
ver since the stopping up of Westminster bridge,
the traffic over Waterloo has so much increased,
that the new shareholders have some hope of re-
ducing the old debt on the original debentures
of the first liability on the fourteenth issue of
scrip to the former creditors. If this should be
the case, there will be some hope for the old
obligees, with the reversionary right to the con-
tingency of two per cent, after the whole of the
passive debt and active liabilities are satisfied.
The money-taker has paid in nearly four pounds beyond the expense of
lighting, paving, and sweeping the road, as well as repairing, recon-
structing, and renovating the balustrading. This has caused an excite-
ment among the shareholders, which has driven many of them to the
toll-gate to. inquire how much has been taken—a species of curiosity that
the tolVkeeper has been ordered by the directors not to satisfy.
ADVERTISING PARSON6.
uppose John Smith to marry Laura Snooks, if tna
world wants to know anything about them, the facs
is all the world wants to know ; but it is now the
fashion (in order to provide materials to the future
historian, we presume,) to advertise the name of the
parson who tied the noose—or rather got the thread
of fate into a tangle. It is always " Married, Mr.
So-and-So, by the Reverend This-and-That, to Miss
Whac's-her-Name so that it is really difficult, at
the first glance, to say whether Miss So-and-So has
iC rJSelii not marr'ed the parson, or whether it is a marriage
Jclaivffflf at all, or a bankruptcy got in by mistake ; and the
name of the bride's father gets confounded in our
minds with the official assiguee, while we often set
down the bridegroom as the bankrupt.
If the parsons who marry want to advertise, why don't they go the
whole hog, and send about carts for the guidance of " those about to
marry "or placards with the words " When you marry, get your parson
from "the parish of So-and-So." We remember our old friend Bisli, the
lotterv contractor, used to issue bills intimating that " Bish sold all the
thirty thousands and why should not a parson advertise that, in the
rrreat lottery of life, " the Rev. J. Whatshisname married all the happy
couples." We have heard of an attorney who announced that he had
secured in the last term all the debtors, and held it out as a bait to credi-
tors to become his clients. Such a course as we recommend to the par-
sons would be more becoming to the clerical character, and would promote
competition in a straightforward manner.
THE SUREST MEANS FOR INTERNATIONALITY.
The Academy of Macon having offered a gold medal, worth 300 franc3,
" for the best essay on the causes of international hatred, and the means
of abolishing or reducing it," the editor of the National has contended
for the prize. We have been favoured with an early copy of his very
dispassionate essay, and were greatly astonished, not only at the extreme
ingenuity of its various hypotheses, but particular.)' at its undeniable de-
ductions. The causes of "the international hatred are shown to be—
1st. That there is not one king for the two countries,
2nd. That the two countries are not incorporated together,
3rd. That there is not the same language, the same code of laws, the
same currency, the same religion, and the same system of
taxation, &c. &c., for both England and France.
The editor then proceeds to demonstrate that these causes will never
be removed—
Till, 1st. Louis-Philippe be King of the English ;
„ 2nd. Paris be the capital of England ;
,, 3rd. India and Ireland be provinces of France;
„ 4th. Punch and the Times be printed in French ;
„ 5th. Francs and centimes be the small change of both countries ;
„ 6th. Le Code Napoleon be the law at Westminster Hall ; and
„ 7th. Le drapeau tricolor be the Union-Jack of England.
All this seems to us so easy, that we wonder it has not been acted upon
centuries ago. If it were not for Punch being printed ia French, every
one would pray for its adoption to-morrow.
"White Hart Union.
To PtlNCH. Puddellbrig, November 5, 1843.
Sir,—If you pleas, can you tell us wot the nu pictur off Una means
their is a Club wich meets as above we paies 1 s. each member wicli is 21
and we sends upp to Lunnun and taks our chance off a price wich we
didnt gett—tho wery nigh, but we ass gote a pictur called Una now sir do
uno wot it means—is it a lion, a ould ooman, a young man, a tall gall in
white or a jack ass looking inn at a dore. So no more.
Yours, &c.,
Gile3 Green.
Chareman of the Rashional Wite Hart Union, Pudelbrig
A True Report,
(from our own penny-a-liner.)
St. Katharine's.
We are little accustomed to give ear to reports in general ; but when
they are of such an astounding nature as to force themselves upon our
attention, we cannot avoid it. This peaceable locality was last week
thrown into great excitement, in consequence of a report getting into
general circulation, calculated to disturb the domestic quiet of many of
the inhabitants. The truth of it no one seemed to question.
We, however, to set at rest any doubt on the matter, immediately com-
menced an inquiry, and had the satisfaction to discover that the said
report was perfectly true and well-founded, and had proceeded from—
one of the Tower Guns.