Punch or The London charivari: Punch or The London charivari (5.1843)

238 PUNCH, OR THE

Haby cheeks ; to paint out the fresh hue of childhood—to overlay it
<vith midnight red. Poor waxen puppet! She raved according to
rote, she laughed a parrot laugh, she ogled, she simpered ; she
deformed the frank face of babyhood with the taught tricks of the
woman; andgrown fools applauded, and wondered, and cried a miracle!
The marvel went on ; and at length, Mr. Bellowly gave up, as he
declared, a very flourishing circuit of barns—for no man more beauti-
fully combined agriculture with the drama—to devote himself wholly
to the interests of his darling Belvidera. And the daily wardrobe of
Mr. Bellowly increased in lustre ; and watch-and-chain, and rings,
and other ornaments, which even philosophers, whilst they despise
them, wear oat of respect to the world, became the property of the
; devoted father : who, that no spot of the world might be denied the
benefit of Belvidera's genius, would condescendingly exhibit it even
in way-side inns, at taverns, clubs, in all places and before all
| societies. And the poor child was coaxed, and petted, and hot-
J suppered into a belief of its own greatness, and into the reality of a
slow and mortal sickness. I felt its cheek, now hot and clammy, as
night after night I was made to lay on more and more paint, and I
was assured that the creature was laughing, and dancing, and
mumming, every night nearer and nearer to its little grave. And
still Mr. Bellowly would, in his blindness, expand his paternal chest,
and play with his watch-chain, and pass his ring-encumbered hand
nth wart his chin, when the meanest and most stolid biped fraction of
the world would speak of that' sweet little dear, his daughter;' to
the which praise the manager would merely reply, 'he knew not
how it was that heaven had blessed him, of all men, in that manner;
but he was a happy father.'

"Time went on," continued the hare's-foot, "and Belvidera
grew worse. The cough—that herald of the church-bell—seized
her: nevertheless Mr. Bellowly declared 'twas nothing — merely
symptomatic of the measles ; and she couldn't have them in a better
season. At this time the child played at a country theatre where
Mrs. Clive acted. ' What think you, ma'am, of my darling Belvi-
dera ?' asked Bellowly. 'I think her,' said Kitty, in her sharp
quiet way—for she cuts as silently as a pickpocket's knife—' I think
her the cleverest corpse I ever thought to see.' 'Heavens ! ma'am,'
cried Bellowly. 'I tell you, man,' said Kitty, outcrying him, 'you'll
have that child's blood upon your hands as surely as those rings her
blood has bought.'

" Oh, there was a long to-do ! At last Mrs. Clive persuaded Bel-
I lowly—and, as I think, not without hard money—to take the child
| trom the stage. And she had the poor thing up to London, and sent
doctors and physicians, and day after day would nurse her herself.
But all would not do. The little waxen wonder wasted and wasted,
and at length Bellowly aghast saw his infant miracle about to die.

" The little creature was meek, affectionate, intelligent. ' I shall
die,' she said to Clive ; ' I'm sure of it—and oh, it is so strange, I
do not seom to fear it. I wish you would let me give you something
—it is the only thing that ever was mine. Don't look at it till I'm
- dead, but pray take it.'

" Clive, with her heart gushing at her eyes, dumb and strangling
with emotion, suffered the child to place the gift in her hand.

" I lie child died. Clive opened the paper, and found the gift to
be myself."

INTENDED ROYAL PROGRESS.

'from our own reporter.)

Prlnce Albert has given instructions to pack up the coat of his
Windsor Uniform, his 11th Hussar trousers, and his Doctor of Civil
Law's hat. Her Majesty takes a sac de nuit and a dressing-case.

At Staffordshire, the Queen and Prince Albert will visit the Potteries,
and probably buy mugs with suitable inscriptions for the three children.
We have seen a white one with a gold rim, inscribed " My Dear Boy,"
which -will perhaps be selected for the Prince of Wales.

In Leicestershire, the royal party will visit the hosiery establishments,
and perhaps buy in socks for the approaching winter.

The Spas at Derbyshire will, it is expected, furnish materials for the
royal nursery chimney-piece.

At Nottingham, the Mayor and Town Council are making every pre-
paration to receive her Majesty and suite. It is therefore expected that
the royal party will not go there.

The draft copy of the Derby address has been already sent up to a
celebrated law-stationer in Chancery-lane. It has been sent back to
have a few repairs done to the grammar.

Punch's Million of Facts.

Faot, No. 1.—Twice two make four.

(To be continued weekly till complete.)

3NDON CHARIVARI.

JOBS FOR MEDICAL GENTLEMEN.

We have lately observed a number of persons in the streets wearing
green shades or black patches over one of their eyes.

For a long time, we were puzzled to account for this circumstance.
Had the taste for pugilism revived ? But many of the fair, no less than
of the fistic sex, were thus disfigured ; and among them there were several
very nice-looking young ladies.

Was there a sort of influenza flying about, and was the public afflicted
with a cold iu the eye ? If so, why was the disorder invariably confined
to one eye—since any noxious principle in the atmosphere would probably
have affected both ? It was clear that there was something else than an
epidemic in the wind.

We were about to form a fresh conjecture, when we received a letter,
which at once opened our eyes. It came from a gentleman who had been
injured in one of his own. He wrote to complain of the injury ; which
had been inflicted accidentally by a walking-stick.

When a walking-stick is examined, it is found, for the most part, to be
armed at the farther end with a ferule, more or less pointed ; and the like
discovery will be made on inspecting an umbrella. The tip of the
umbrella and walking-stick is thus defended to secure it against friction ;
both the one and the other being supposed to be carried perpendicularly,
their extremities coming into contact with the pavement.

The fact, however, is, that it is very customary to carry them horizon,
tally under the arm, their tips coming into contact with people's eyes.

Now, the point of the umbrella and the walking-stick is so fashioned,
that when it does come into contact with an eye, it is very likely to put it
out. The consequences, therefore, likely to follow from walking about
the streets with such things under the arm, are obvious.

We congratulate the oculists on the prevalence of this practice. It
must furnish them with numbers of patients. It is, however, a pity, that
eyes should be absolutely destroyed, inasmuch as their serious injury merely
would suffice for professional purposes, and its cure would redound to the
credit of the practitioner.

We cannot quit this subject, without, in addition, congratulating the
surgical profession generally on the state of the metropolitan thorough-
fares. The obstructions occasioned by the improvements which are
everywhere going on, must, on dark nights, and during fogs, give rise to
an immense number of fractures and dislocations. A friend of our own
tumbled, not long ago, one evening, over a heap of stones in Bedford
Square. He bruised his knee and cut his hand severely ; but being
himself a surgeon, he let the injuries alone, and did perfectly well.

LIBEL ON THE THAMES.

We have perceived with regret a libel on old Father Thames in s<worml
highly respectable newspapers. The venerable river has been chargci
with gross partiality in one of its recent overflows. The journals in
question declare, that there was the other day "a partial overflow of the
Thames." We have caused inquiries to be made, and find that the river
behaved with considerable fairness, entering all the cellars and kitchens
along the shore with the utmost impartiality.

It has been erroneously stated, that the publicans have expressed
themselves dissatisfied with the conduct of the Thames; but the fact is,
that the river, instead of causing a loss to the landlords, is, iu reality, a
gain, saving them the trouble and expense of watering their spirits at
the usual period. An overflow of the Thames about a month before
Christmas is always calculated upon by the publicans as a source of
profit; and the various liquors are always placed beforehand in the
cellars to receive the visit of the river with becoming openness. Gin
always accords to the Thames a reception of the most cordial nature.

Goon News for the Waste-paper. Dealers.—Tbe state of Pennsylvania
intends issuing some more bonds at the earliest possible opportunity.