DOI article:
Syrett, Netta: A correspondence
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.27806#0172
168
A Correspondence
“ I shall never make you understand,” she cried hopelessly.
“ I didn’t mean to do it, to-day. I—I didn’t even know that I
had made up my mind to do it at all—till just as I was going into
the drawing-room to see him. Then I seemed to see that it was
all no use.” Her voice sank to a whisper ; she was trembling
from head to foot.
“ You musn’t cry. You have to go down, remember,” Gretchen
observed in even tones.
Cecily drew herself up, “What more shall I tell you ? ” she
cried passionately.
Gretchen had never heard this tone from her before ; it startled
her. She too rose, and they stood facing one another.
“Why do you ask me ? ” panted Cecily. “ You know—but if
you like I will tell you. I don’t mind now. Nothing matters
now. I knew almost from the first that I could not marry him.
He is so clever. And I—every moment I was afraid he would
ask me something I didn’t know. I didn’t understand the way he
talked. I didn’t understand half of what he said to me. I should
never have understood it ; ” she wailed, “ I was always afraid
when he came to talk to me, and yet when he was away-”
She checked herself. All the passion had died out of her tone now.
“ If I hadn’t known it before, his letters would have shown me.
Oh, I did very wrong in asking you to write, Gretchen. I knew
it, the first time he answered your letter, and praised what he
thought I’d said.”
Gretchen suddenly caught her breath. “You never-” she
began.
“No, I was afraid to ask you not to go on with it when you’d
been so kind, and taken so much trouble,” Cecily said. “ I see
myself very plainly to-night. Just as though I was someone else
—I see that besides—other things—I am a coward.”
Gretchen
A Correspondence
“ I shall never make you understand,” she cried hopelessly.
“ I didn’t mean to do it, to-day. I—I didn’t even know that I
had made up my mind to do it at all—till just as I was going into
the drawing-room to see him. Then I seemed to see that it was
all no use.” Her voice sank to a whisper ; she was trembling
from head to foot.
“ You musn’t cry. You have to go down, remember,” Gretchen
observed in even tones.
Cecily drew herself up, “What more shall I tell you ? ” she
cried passionately.
Gretchen had never heard this tone from her before ; it startled
her. She too rose, and they stood facing one another.
“Why do you ask me ? ” panted Cecily. “ You know—but if
you like I will tell you. I don’t mind now. Nothing matters
now. I knew almost from the first that I could not marry him.
He is so clever. And I—every moment I was afraid he would
ask me something I didn’t know. I didn’t understand the way he
talked. I didn’t understand half of what he said to me. I should
never have understood it ; ” she wailed, “ I was always afraid
when he came to talk to me, and yet when he was away-”
She checked herself. All the passion had died out of her tone now.
“ If I hadn’t known it before, his letters would have shown me.
Oh, I did very wrong in asking you to write, Gretchen. I knew
it, the first time he answered your letter, and praised what he
thought I’d said.”
Gretchen suddenly caught her breath. “You never-” she
began.
“No, I was afraid to ask you not to go on with it when you’d
been so kind, and taken so much trouble,” Cecily said. “ I see
myself very plainly to-night. Just as though I was someone else
—I see that besides—other things—I am a coward.”
Gretchen