Punch: Punch (6.1844)

230 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL.

To lite Editor of Punch.

Sir, May 6th, 1844.

Under any other circumstance than the one I am about to allude to,
I would not for a moment condescend to address you ; but my connexion
with a young lady (in fact, the object of my affections), renders it impera-
tive that I should take notice of a piece of rudeness which certain persons
wag guilty of on Monday the 6th inst. On the day mentioned, business, or
rather—(for why should I mince matters)—pleasure called me to Arrow-
on-the-Ill. In the company of her to whom I have already given my eart,
and ope to give my and, I dined at the King's Ead, intending after
dinner to enjoy, with my cigar and my brandy and water, that delightful
conversation which can only grow out of the union of 2 soles, I mean, of
course, love. Mary Ann and me retired from the dinner-table to the
beautiful gardens adjacent to the house, and seated on a rustic bench,
enjoying the beauties of nature, we were almost as appy as two engaged
ones could be. when we was—were, I mean—disturbed by shouts of laughter
coming from a certain party. I was induced to think (and Mary Ann
thought so too), that we were the subjects of their idle merriment. We
were confirmed in our opinion when we saw a individual take out a sketch-
book and commence (as I suppose) taking off our heads. Now, sir, what
there could be so amusing in us we cannot see ; but perhaps what the poet
Byron observes,

" He jests at scars, who never felt

The pangs that wait, that wait on love,"

will explain it. In conclusion, let me inform you, sir, that in my opinion
fun is one thing, and that jesting with the finest feelings of our nature is
another, and am, sir, &c,

Islington. Augustus Bangs.

[Can the above have reference to the preceding sketch, which has been
forwarded to us anonymously ?—Ed. of Punch.]

ESTATES FOR PATRIOTS.

A SOLILOQUY,

AND THE COMMENCEMENT OF A "SCENE."'

Jrom an unpitilts'^rli fflrama,

kntjtled "the chemist."

Galenius, having fastened up his shop for the night, goes down stairs into the
laboratory to turn the gas off. Dissatisfied with his condition he seateth himself, list-
lessly, upon the stone, and beholding the large brass mortar and pestle, he giver-
utterance to the follow ing Soliloquy :—

" .My Mortar and my Pestle !—it is midnight
And ye are slumbering on your ponderous stand,
All silently ; would ye might sleep for ever !

" Yet, oh my Mortar ! I will not despise thee ;
Thou art a little microcosm ; in thee,
All elements of good—all germs of evil—
Bland Syrup. Simp, and Caustic Alkali,
At times are mingled, pleasant and pernicious ;
Bitter, and sweet, and sour ; cold, hot, dry, moist,
Poison and antidote ; —bliss, bane ; life, death ;
All that can please the senses or disgust,
From Otto down to Assafcetida,
Within thy little hollow find a place.

" Seas inundate thee (soap and water ones),
And shapeless masses in thy crater grow
To usefulness and uniformity.
Thou boldest that within thee which doth mirror
The characters of men ; deceptive Opium,
That lures the victim with a rapturous dream,
And wakes him to distractedness. Magnesia,
Fair, faultless and insipid,—like a woman
With a clear skin, but an ungarnished mind.
Aloes, a bitter, yet benignant drug,
The type of a sincere, unflattering friend.
And Sublimate, whose whiteness talks of purity,
While deadly malice lurks unseen beneath.

" And thou art gentle too, my Mortar ! Smitten,
Thou dost return no injury, but sendest
Harmonious sounds into thy smiter's ear,
Reminding him of some old village bell,
Heard haply in his youth."

A shrill voice from above shouteth, " Galenius ! "

Gal. (Aside.)—" There ! that's my wife, she's always worrying.
(Aloud.)—-Yes, love !"

Wife. " What are you doing down there ? Come I

I want to go to bed."

Gal. " Coming, directly."

(Aside)—" Oh, Nature ! what a plague thou hast made woman.
Worse, worse than physic. 1 suppose 1 must
Obey her though, or else there '11 be no peace.
Besides,—it strikes me rather forcibly
That I have brought our only candle down,

And left her in the dark." [£jit, in a hurry.

To the Affluent.

A young gentleman of fashionable exterior and prepossessing manners,
who is desirous of going to Ascot Races, at somebody else's expense in-
stead of his own, would feel much obliged to anybody who would take him.
Should any ladies be of the party, he will be most happy to promenade
about the 'course with two of them, provided they are not plain. The
fortunate possessor of a carriage, in conjunction with a benevolent heart,
will find this an admirable opportunity for doing a civil thing.—Address
to A. Z., Punch Office.

Our friend Tom Duncombs is, it seems, to have an estate bought for
him by the working classes as " an imperishable testimonial of their; CRUELTY TO animals,

thanks and gratitude.'' It has hitherto been usual to reward those only
who have done mischief, and there is, therefore, some freshness in the
notion of bestowing something on an individual who has at all events
generally tried to do good. Punch would be amongst the first to
congratulate the Pet of Finsbury on his being regularly installed in a
snug freehold given him by " the People," but we fear the prospect is
rather vague at present. The central committee sit in Southwark, and
request all communications to be forwarded to some place in the neigh-
bourhood of Bedlam. The Advertisement also talks of completing certain
machinery, after which the committees are to meet for the purpose of
consulting how the thing is to be done. Estates vary so much in size and
price, that it is difficult to say whether " The Duncombe Testimonial "
is to be a mansion in a park, or a suburban villa " standing on its own
grounds," that is to say, a back-yard and a fore-court.

Mr. Silk Buckingham was to have spoken at the late meeting held to
discountenance cruelty to animals. He, however, did not appear, having
made himself amenable to the law for the aforesaid cruelty, by appointing
Mr. Jones (the paternal uncle, as we have before observed, to the Bor
Jones) as lecturer to the forlorn of the British and Foreign Destitutes.
Mr. Jones is by the way a great American antiquarian. One of his early
lectures will be " On the toothbrushes of the Chippewaws, in connexion
with the fine arts of America."

'•THE HEAD AND FRONT OF HIS OFFENDING."
A bust of Mr. O'Connell was refused at the Exposition at Paris. We
did not think the French were so scrupulous on the head of rebellion.