Punch (10.1846)

10 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

ASSAULT ON PRINCE ALBERT.

ATs may look at kings. It is their
prescriptive right : their privilege, no
doubt secured to them by the com-
mon law, since no human memory
can tell the time when they did not
enjoy such immunity. There is a
large mob of the well-dressed and
respectable, who, in the most perse-
vering way, dispute this peculiar right
of cats whenever the opportunity pre-
sents itself. Thus, the Queen cannot
take a walk from her palace, but Brighton grimalkins will, with their
goggle eyes, stare at her. The Prince, her husband, cannot visit a
show of fat beasts without being subjected to brutal curiosity on the
part of the two-legged animals not exhibited. We have a recent in-
stance of this mixed stupidity and gross ill manners. A few days ago
the Royal Albert visited the cattle-show at the Horse Bazaar, where
he was so set about by " a gaping multitude," that, says the account :

" It was a matter of the utmost difficulty for his Royal Highness to observe with any-
thing like comfort the points and peculiarities of a single animal."

The farmers and butchers, we are told, were most respectful. It
was the genteel mob—the crowd of well-dressed and respectable
sight-seers—that troubled the Prince, and assaulted him with their
vulgar staring. They all of them, no doubt, thought of the cats, and
believed themselves quite worthy of cats' privilege

" Observations such as—' Oh, there he is. See how he smiles ! He knows his own
beast; i told you he would,' greeted the ear in all directions."

The nincompoops ! The vendors of apples or oranges are fined
or imprisoned for stopping the way ; can nothing be done with the
mob of respectables who give chase to Royalty—as though it was a
stray peacock—whenever it walks abroad in the world ? It would
hugely content us to see an example made of some of these stupid
offenders, who hunt and outstare a gentleman because, for the time,
it is his misfortune to be a Prince. We should like to have some of
them, just for a week or two, placed on the tread-mill, or set down
to oakum. For, is it not provoking, that Prince Albert cannot get
a fair sight of prize heifers and prize pigs, he is so thronged about by
those, we must call prize asses ?

RAILWAY SCALE OF MANNERS.

We have often been struck with the difference of manner assumed by
railway officials towards different people. Shut your eyes, and you can
tell from the tone of their voices whom they are addressing. The follow-
ing examples will best illustrate our meaning. The Railway Potentate is
calling upon the passengers to get their tickets ready. He calls :—

To the Third Class.—Fortissime.—" Tickets, tickets, come get your
tickets ready."

To the Second Class.—Forte.—" Tickets, Gents.; get your tickets ready,
Gents."

To the First Class.—Piano.—,£ Get your tickets ready, Gentlemen, if
you please; tickets ready, if you please, Gentlemen.

S iiame!

A letter from Naples says, " the Emperor of Russia is expected here.
The beggars and pickpockets are all in prison, to be carefully kept there
till his visit is over." Perhaps it is well enough to imprison the beggars;
but we do not see why the thieves should be denied a sight of their Impe-
rial brother,—the Pickpocket of Poland.

A. Capital Spec.

A great deal of money might be made by taking extensive premises in
the City as soup-rooms, and selling nothing but the Norfolk soup at two-
pence a basin. A pinch of curry costs about a farthing, and as hot water
may be had for almost nothing, the profit on every basin of the Norfolk
Soup would be at least 150 per cent. This seems a more promising
undertaking just now, than even the Railways.

keeping it in the family.
Mr. CCoknell has increased the subscriptions of his grandchildren to
the Repeal Fund. He knows well enough that it is only taking the money

JEAMES'S DIARY.

AREAcaea, me, the ladies of
the famly, with their sweet,
Southdown, B's eldest son,
and George Silvertop, the
shabby Capting (who seames
to git leaf from his ridgmint
whenhever he likes), have
beene down into Diddlese*
for a few days, enjying the
' spawts of the feald there.
"Never having done much
in the gunning line (since
when a hinnasent boy, me
and Jim Cox used to go out
at Healing, and shoot spar-
rers in the Edges with a
pistle) — I was reyther
dowtfle as to my suxes as a
shot, and practusd for some
days at a stoughd bird in a
shooting gallery, which a
chap histed up and down
with a string. I sugseaded
in itting the hannimle pretty well. I bought Awker's 'Shooting-Guide,'
two double-guns at Mantings, and salected from the French prints of
fashn the most gawjus and ellygant sporting ebillyment. A lite blue velvet
and goold cap, woar very much on one hear, a cravatt of yaller & green
imbroidered satting, a weskit of the McGrigger plaid, & a jacket of the
McWhirter tartn, (with large motherapurl butns, engraved with coaches
& osses, and spawting subjix), high leather gayters, and marocky shoot-
ing shoes, was the simple hellymenee of my costewm, and I flatter myself
set hoff my figger in rayther a fayverable way. I took down none of my
own pusnal istablishmint excep Fitzwarren, my hone mann, and my
grooms, with Desparation and my curricle osses, and the Fourgong con-
taining my dressing-case and close.

" I was heverywhere introjuiced in the county as the great Railroad
Cappitlist, who was to make Diddlesex the most prawsperous districk of
the hempire. The squires prest forrards to welcome the new comer
amongst 'em ; and we had a Hagricultral Meating of the Bareacres
tenantry, where I made a speech droring tears from hevery i. It was in
compliment to a layborer who had brought up sixteen children, and lived
sixty years on the istate on seven bobb a week. I am not prowd, though
I know my station. I shook hands with that mann in lavinder kidd
gloves. I told him that the purshuit of hagriculture was the noblist
hockupations of humannaty : I spoke of the yoming of Hengland, who
(under the command of my hancisters) had conquerd at Hadjincourt &
Cressy ; and I gave him a pair of new velveteen inagspressables, with two
and six in each pocket, as a reward for three score years of labor. Fitz-
warren, my man, brought them forrards on a satting cushing. Has I sat
down, defning chears selewted the horator ; the band struck up ' The
Good Old English Gentleman.' I looked to the ladies galry ; my Hange-
lina waived her ankasher and kissd her & ; and I sor in the distans that
pore Mart Hann efected evidently to tears by my ellaquints.

" What an adwance that gal as made since she's been in Lady Han-
gelina's company ! Sins she wears her young lady's igsploded gownds
and retired caps and ribbings, there's an ellygance abowt her which is
puffickly admarable ; and which, haddid to her own natral bewty &
sweetniss, creates in my boozum serting sensatiums * * * Shor ! I
mustn't give way to fealinx unwuthy of a member of the aristoxy. What
can she be to me but a mear recklection—a vishn of former ears ?

" I'm blest if I didn mistake her for Hangelina herself yesterday. I
met her in the grand Collydore of Bareacres Castle. I sor a lady in a
melumcolly hattatude gacing outawinder at the setting sun, which was
eluminating the fair parx and gardings of the hancient demean.

" ' Bewchus Ladt Hangelina,' says I—' A penny for your Ladyship's
thoughts,' says I.

" ' Ho Jeames ! Ho, Mr. De la Pltjche !' hansered a well-known vice,
with a haxnt of sadnis which went to my art. ' You know what my
thoughts are, well enough. I was thinking of happy, happy old times,
when both of us were poo—poo—oor,' says Mary Hann, busting out in a
phit of crying, a thing I can't ebide. I took her & and tried to cumft
her : I pinted out the diffrents of our sitawashns; igsplained to her that
proppaty has its jewties as well as its previletches, and that my juty clearly
was to marry into a noble famly. I kep on talking to her (she sobbing
and going hon hall the time) till Lady^Hangelina herself came up—' Tb.6
real Siming Pewer,' as they say in the play.

" There they stood together—them two young women. I don't know
which is the ansamest. I coodn help comparing them ; and I coodnt help
comparing myself to a certing Hannimle I've read of, that found it
difficklt to make a choice betwigst 2 Bundles of A."

out of one pocket to put it into the other. | « That ungrateful beest Fitzwarren—my oan man—a feller I 'Temaid