Punch (10.1846)

24

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

PUNCH'S POLITICAL DICTIONARY.

Curate, perpetual. A poor parson, who gets a curacy of fifty
pounds per annum ; who, never getting any preferment, finds him-
self a perpetual curate and nothing beyond.

Curator. From the Latin cura, care. A Roman public officer.
There were Curatores tiarum, who were classical Surveyors of the
Roads; Curatores operum publicorum, who comprised the Roman Board
of Works ; Curatores Tiberis, equivalent to our Conservators of the
Thames ; and who, probably, went annually swan-hopping up the

Tiber. We must not, however, confound the dignified office of
Roman Curator with that of the curator at a museum; who is respon-
sible for the safe custody of the polished oyster-shells, filed butter-
flies, and stuffed sparrows, of which a museum frequently consists.

Currency, from currere, to run, is a term applied to money, pro-
bably on account of the tendency which all money has to run away.

Customs, or Usages, are old habits of which no one can recollect
the origin, and which, when recognised by judicial decision, have the
force of law. The commencement of the custom must, however, be
buried in oblivion before it becomes dark and obscure enough to be
admitted to an equality with the law of the land. One of the customs
recognised by the courts is called the law of the road, which is chiefly
entitled to be considered as a law because of its paradoxical nature ;
for " if you go right you go wrong, and if you go left you go right "
has been the rule of the road from time immemorial. This custom
is, no doubt, as old as Cesar and Caswallon, who, when they
fought in their chariots, drove to the left that their right hands
might be left free to give each other battle—or, to speak more
familiarly, to pitch into each other with the greater freedom. Some j
customs which are inconvenient to a few, but afford recreation to
the many, are tolerated if no one can remember their commence-
ment ; such as the custom of playing at cricket on a common, which,
though occasionally involving the bowling out the eye of a passenger,
will be permitted if no one can call to mind who was the first to have
his eye pitched into. Reiterated user will not make a custom ; as if
a boy uses himself repeatedly to knock at my door and then run
away, it is not a good custom, but he may find me an ugly customer
when he least expects it.

A GOLDEN RULE FOR CERTAIN WRITERS.

If an Earl makes a speech for the Abolition of the Corn-Laws, call
him " an itinerant spouteiv' If, on the other hand, he holds forth for
monopolv, write him down " a truly eloquent and enlightened lord."

NICHOLAS SNUBBED.

The Emperor Nicholas has been to Lome, to see the Pope. The-
meeting began with great civility,

"And so between his Darkness, and his Brightness,
There pass'd a mutual glance of great politeness."

In a short time, however, the Pope took his EmperorsLip in handy
i as our correspondent assures us, dealing the knout upon the Empe-
ror's soul, as lustily as the Emperor's executioner ever knouted a.
Polish matron. Some aver that 'the Emperor shed, tears ; a fact
borne out by the discovery of certain small globules of iron subse-
quently found where the Emperor stood. And then Nicholas,
\ taking the good old man by surprise, would kiss the Pope's hand ;
whereupon his Holiness, turning to Cardinal Lambruschini, quoted,
in a low voice, from Shakspeare, glancing at the tainted member the
while—"All the spices of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand."

And then the Pope had the hardihood to talk to the Emperor of
death and judgment : it must be owned very free, very extraordinary
subjects to be broached to imperial ears. His Holiness even sug-
gested to Nicholas that he might some day be called on to "render
j an account of his government;" whereupon, we learn that the
■ Emperor turned a little pale, and shook somewhat,—possibly, seeing
for a moment the blood of mangled Poland—possibly hearing her
multitudinous shrieks. And the end of all this was, a promise on
the part of Nicholas that he would not treat his Roman Catholic,
subjects like oxen, but really allow them some liberty of soul. And.
with this promise, and crest-fallen like an eagle with the pip, he
departed from the Holy Father.

And then the Emperor tried the old Imperial way. He gave money
| to Roman charities : he bought statues and pictures : but the stale
trick did not succeed. The Romans treated Nicholas with marked
contempt ; in which they certainly showed higher morality than
many of the English aristocracy. They would not forget his whole-
sale robberies because he gave a few.thousand scudi to the poor—
they would not forget his hourly cruelties practised on ten thousand
images of breathing humanity, because, forsooth, he may have bought
Mercy in marble, and the Son of Mercy on canvas.

WANTED—A YOUNG MAN.

Wanted, a Young Man ! How frequent a heading is this to adver-
tisements ! How numerous are the reflections which it engenders ! For
how many purposes a young man may be wanted ! Policemen occasionally
want a certain sort of young man. Recruiting Serjeants are continually
in want of youDg men. But the young man assumes a more interesting
character when we consider how often he is wanted to go shopping, to
escort to exhibitions, to do the agreeable at pic-nies.

In what request is the young man, if nice, for the small tea-party :
How often is the young man in request for the Polka ! How frequently,
if rich, is he wanted for a partner in a commercial house ! How much
more often,—and if rich, even yet more so,— as a partner of another de-
scription ! From the area to the drawing-room, the young man is con-
stantly wanted.

Sir Robert Peel wants young men to attend Railway Committees.
We thus see that young men are wanted everywhere : and yet the guar-
dian, the uncle, the parent, are constantly complaining that young men
have nothing to do !

Nuts for Joinville.

Many other appointments at the Admiralty have been made as well as
Lord Ellenborough's, and they promise to be equally conducive to the
interests of the British Navy. The waterman at the Charing Cross cab-
stand, in consideration of his many years of active service, has been made
an Admiral of the Blue, whilst the command of the Mediterranean Fleet
has been offered to one universally pronounced to be in every respect
qualified to undertake it. We need not say we mean Lord John Russell.

nothing extraordinary.
The Times' Commissioner writes thus of the cottages of Dcrrynane
Beg :—" The cottages inside were almost invariably quire dark, and filled
with smoke.''-' Why, of course. How otherwise could Mr. O'Connell
gather the Repeal Fund from poverty and ignorance, if he did not keep
them "quite dark, and filled with smoke " !