Punch (10.1846)

U8 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

LEGAL "AT HOMES."

he greatest excitement has been created in the public,
but particularly in the forensic, mind, by the announce-
ment of the intended cultivation of music by the legal
profession. Barristers are seen hurrying about with
flutes concealed in the folds of their gowns, rolls of
music interspersed with their briefs, and fiddles poked
into their wig-boxes. Everything in the forensic world
wears the aspect of a musical festival. We should not
be surprised—as there is a fashion for amateur per-
formances—if we were to hear of a charitable concert
having been got up by some of the ornaments of the
Bar, upon which occasion some learned Queen's Counsel
and others may " kindly consent" to sing certain
popular ballads.

" the attorney- general for this night only ! "

would be a tremendous line in a musical programme.

Unfortunately, however, the musical mania has seized
chiefly on the briefless, as illness usually exhibits itself
first, and rages most furiously in poor neighbourhoods.
Several shocking cases have broken out in the " three
pairs" all over the Temple. We have heard fright-
ful screams, interspersed with low moanings, issuing
from an attic in Hare Court, and frequent bleeding, by
a musical attendant, has been copiously resorted to.
The patient, it is said, has commenced a course of
treatment for his malady—or, as he insanely calls it, his
melody—which makes his condition much worse instead of improving it.

We regret to say that the juniors have been seized by scores in all the upper
districts of the Temple. There were at one time alarming symptoms in Inner
Temple Lane, for moanings were distinctly audible ; but it turned out to be a tem-
porary attack of " Old clothes ! " which, we are happy to say, got speedily subdued
by resorting at once to a regimen of porter.

Nothing is more disagreeable than a singing in the ears, and to this, unless a

THE LEGAL SOLFEGGIO.

_-„-.----

In Re Doe ver . . sus Rich . . aid Roe.

stop is put to tne mischief at once, all the inhabitants of the
Temple will be liable. The great difficulty is, how to deal
with the malady; for as the patients are chiefly adults, the
phlogistic treatment, usually so efficacious in juvenile in-
stances, cannot here be resorted to.

If, however, music is to be cultivated by those members
of the profession who have one bar's uninterrupted rest—
for want of occupation, either professional or otherwise—we
recommend for their own sakes that something profit-
able should be made of it. Some time ago we proposed a
series of legal evenings, little thinking that such a project
might, in consequence of the musical turn taken by the
gentlemen of the Bar, become really feasible. We therefore
have the pleasure of submitting to those gentlemen whose
leisure allows them an opportunity of giving legal enter-
tainments a la Matthews, the following programme of an

AT HOME; or, LAW AND LAUGHTER,

The curtain should rise and discover a table spread oyer
with a green cloth, a decanter of spring water, a couple of
lamps, and a variety of blocks for the wigs belonging to
the different characters. The forensic performer should
then proceed something in the following fashion :—

" Ladies and Gentlemen,—I appear before you this even-
ing as a humble imitator of the late lamented Me.
Matthe-\vs, whose Table-Talk some of you may remember,
though others may have forgotten. Talking of Mr. Mat-
thews, reminds me that my introduction must be brief; and
talking of briefs, suggests to me the first document of thai
kind I ever received. If you will allow me, I will embody
the circumstance in a song ; and if you will excuse my
stooping down for one moment—(stoops- under the table)-^-
I shall be able to show you the costume in which I appeared
on that memorable occasion. (He rises in his barrister's wit/
and gown.) Here, Ladies and Gentlemen, I am—(mimicking)
—Gentlemen of the Jury,—a-hem—(strikes up the following
song:—

' As in my chambers, all alone,

At silent eve I sat,
Indulging a despairing groan,

I heard a rat-tat-tat.
I started up—I wiped my eye ;

I would not show my grief.
What do I see—what do I spy ?—

A client with a brief.

' I seize it in my eager hand ;

He bids me look within,
That I may shortly understand

The cause I fain must win.
I did so—how my hps I bit,

With rage, despair, and grief '—
There was a copy of a writ

Folded inside the brief 1'

" This little anecdote, though simple in Itself, illustrates,
to a very great extent, the truth of some remarks that are
commonly made upon the ungentlemanly conduct of a certain
portion of the profession.

" Some years ago, in the infancy of my professional career,
when every guinea was of consequence, I had reason to be
deceived in an early client. The first shock the feelings
receive in law is as potent as the original rebuff they expe-
rience in love. I had plighted my professional faith to this
client : I had, in fact—though I know I am risking my repu-
tation for professional correctness in this avowal, for nobody
else does it—oh, no !—nobody else, of course—I had, in fact,
permitted my clerk, the ever-memorable Thomson—of whom
more anon—to keep an account with him. One evening I
was sitting in silent melancholy at my chambers, pondering
over the vanity of human wishes, and other little matters
to which I am in the habit of devoting my leisure hours,
when a knock came at the door, to which my heart responded
by a gentle palpitation. I heard the voice of the ' false
client,' tendering a brief. I rushed forward, and seizing
that precious lyre which had been the solace of so many
briefless hours, I struck up the following strain, into which
I threw alternate bursts of pathos and indignation, though
I must confess the latter was very likely to predominate.
It is arranged to the beautiful air of—

■ take back thy gift.'

' Take back thy brief : it is a token

Of many a still-unsettled fee ;
And since your word is long since broken,

Thy brief's not worth one rap to me.