Punch (10.1846)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

239

meat regulated the length of a merchant's shoes as well as meddled with his j

trade, prices, exports, machinery. It thought itself justified in roasting a man for PARLIAMENTARY SCHOOLS,

his religion, or pulling a Jew's teeth out if he did not pay a contribution, or

ordered him to dress in a yellow gabardine, and locked him in a particular 1 We have in these days Public schools, Private schools,
quarter-. j Proprietary schools, Charity schools, Sunday schools, and

Now a merchant may wear what boots he pleases, and has pretty nearly acquired \ Ragged schools ; but as yet we are unprovided with
the privilege of buying and selling without the Government laying its paws upon Schools for Members of Parliament, Even the soldiers arcs
the bargain. The stake for heretics is gone ; the pfflorv is taken down ; Bishops P™yided with grammars, in which they may learn con-
are even found lifting up their voices against the remains of persecution, and readv ! cori m. tn?e!.of P?ace I anf the policemen are provided
to do away with the last Catholic Disabilities. Sis Egbert Peel, though he ! Jlth ^culating libraries, by means of which they may
. , , J n«--n -r-> > -j sympathise with the sorrows of busan Hopleys, and other

wished it ever so much has no power over Ms. Benjamin Disraeli s grinders, or dom£stic heroines or victims of unmerited persecution ;
any means of violently handling that gentleman s jaw. Jews are not called upon j while the M-P_ is left without anv means of literary im-
to wear badges : on the contrary, they may live m Piccadilly, or the Mmories, I provement. The avowed mental destitution of Mr. Dillon
according to fancy ; they may dress like Christians, and do so sometimes in a \ Browne has drawn general attention to the distressing
most elegant and fashionable manner. ignorance of many Members of the House of Commons,

for whom it is proposed to open schools where they may
be qualified to perform their numerous legislative duties.
The following Prospectus will, we believe, very soon be
issued ;—■

EDUCATION.

In order to extend the blessings of education to a
class hitherto steeped in the profoundest ignorance, it has
been determined to open a Preparatory school for Mem-
bers of the House of Commons. Every branch of parlia-
mentary knowledge will be taught at this establishment.
The plan of instruction will comprehend the polite arts of
saying "yes" or "no," according to the wish of the Minis-
ter, as well as some of the higher departments of legis-
lative learning. Ciphering, sufficient to enable the stu-
dent to take part in questions of supply will be included
in the usual routine, and the rule-of-three will be taught
with a view to elucidating the theory of Government by
the Sovereign, the Lords, and the Commons.

Young Gentlemen intended for Railway Committee-
Men will be carefully instructed in the elements of Engi-
neering and the first principles of law, and writing out
the standing orders* until they are got by heart, will be
a regular portion of the daily exercise.

Bishops, desirous of availing themselves of the school,
will be well versed in translation, and members anxious
to effect a graceful change of opinion, will be got perfect
in the metamorphoses. Those who are anxious to com-
pete for the Ministerial Prizes will have an opportunity of
being thoroughly drilled by one who has kept marching
with the times, and has acquired the art of wheeling to
the right or left with the utmost facility.

N.B. So much a quarter will be charged for extras,
including the usual twelve towels and silver spoon ; but
as many are born with the latter article in the mouth,
it will, in their case, lead to no inconvenience.

SIR PETER LAURIE AT CHALK FARM.

Sir Peter Laurie has added to his tremendous
reputation for " putting down." Nearly five years ago
he was determined to "put down suicide "—(see Punch,
vol i.) He has now put down the Sunday-fair at Chalk
Earm—we believe a very great nuisance. At the Mary-
lebone vestry the knight himself modestly trumpetted
his triumph. "He rode up last Sunday, and the place
was quite quiet, except that one old woman asked Ms
permission to sell ginger-beer !" His permission ! The
knight, however, 'did not inform the meeting whether he
vouchsafed it. We have little doubt, however, that he
did so ; and as little doubt that the old woman will
Mr. Nebuchadnezzar. What is there for Dinner, Waiter ? henceforth exhibit a board, "Licensed by Sir Petes

Waiter. Sir, a nice Leg of Pork is just come up. Laurie." Yes : the knight will suffer " ginger to be hot

[Nebuchadnezzar sits down, and helps himself to pig, crackling, sage and onions and aZU ' £ th,e n}ou*h". of Sabbath wayfarers. The bounce and

" d froth of the liquor render it peculiarly worthy of Sis

Why is the poor College servitor to wear that name and that badge still ? \ Peter's patronage.
Because Universities are the last places into which Reform penetrates. But now !
that she can go to College and back for five shillings, let her travel down thither.

Early Closing.

The Sheffield Mercury says :—

" The master boot and shoe makers of Sheffield have agreed to close
_ We understand that Dr. Reid has undertaken, by his new system of ventila- their slJ,°Ps ever>' evening at eight o'clock, for the future, aU the year
tion.^to raise the wind to such an extent as will enable him to pay off the whole of 10U1!d-'

*heNational Debt in a twelvemonth. The only difficulty is in providing him with And — in the opinion of Punch—very excellent boot-
the hundred thousand pounds that it will cost to try the experiment. , closing, too.

GOOD NEWS FOIt THE NATION