Punch (10.1846)

246 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI

VERSES,

supposed to be written by william smith o'brien,

Dv/ring his solitary Abode in the Cellar of the House of Commons.

I am monarch of all I survey ;

My right there is none to dispute ;
From the breakfast-time round to the tay,

I see neither Saxon nor brute.

0 Solitude ! where's the atthractions,
That sages have seen in your face ?

Better dwell in the midst of the Saxons,
Than reign in this horrible place.

1 am out of humanity's reach,

I must finish the Session alone,
Ne'er cry " hear ! " to an illigant speech,—

Sure I start at the sound of my own.
Them beasts, the attindants and waithers,

My fqrm with indifference see ;
They are so unaccustomed to Marthyrs,

Their coolness is shocking to me.

Society—blarney—abuse-
Gifts dear to the boys of my name !

0 if I had the wings of a goose.
It's soon I'd be out of this same.

1 then might enliven my gloom

In the ways of repalers and men,
Might learn from the wisdom of Hume,
And be cheer'd by the sallies of Ben.

Ye Mimbers, that make me your sport,

0 convey to this desolate door
A Times, with a faithful report

Of the House I shah visit no more.
My frinds, sure they now and then sind

A joke or a laugh after me ?
0 tell me I yet have a frind,

Though Bentinck I'm never to see.

The attindant is gone to his rest,

The Saxon lies down in his lair,
While I think of the Isle of the West,

And turn up my bed * in despair.
But whisky is still to be had ;

And the whisky—encouraging thought !
As it is not by any means bad,

Half reconciles me to my lot.

PEEL AND HIS PARTY.

The ultra-Tories, with the Post for their mouthpiece, are loud in their
abuse of Peel ; and yet one would have thought him just the man, both
for them and our fashionable contemporary. Who can better figure in
the mazes of the political quadrille ?—who execute with more address
the graceful and difficult movements, balancez to the right and left,
hands across, change partners, chassez, croisez, down the middle and up
again ? With these accomplishments, he ought to be their downright
idol; such recommendations being precisely those of "a nice young man
for a small party."

CAUTION TO PERSONS VISITING EPSOM.

Persons wearing moustachios at Epsom on the Derby Day, are
hereby cautioned that moustachios being the legitimate mark of a
military man, every person appearing in a pair of those appendages
will be required to produce his commission, showing the regiment to
which he belongs, the rank he holds, and the date of his admission
into the army. Shop-boys, lawyers' clerks, and milliners' young men
wearing false moustachios for the day, will be expected to produce
a certificate of character from their masters and employers. All other
persons wearing moustachios will be regarded as suspicious characters,
and taken into custody.

Respectability-.

Am a'-count of the suicide of an unhappy woman, unknown, has
appeared in the papers. The penny-a-liner profoundly observed: " She
had been in a respectable condition of life, the appearance of her hands
showing she had not been subjected to hard work." Thus, hear it, ye
labouring base,—" hard work " is not " respectable."

* The Martyr is accommodated with a very neat "folding bod.

PUNCH'S REVIEW.

The Works of George Robins :—(In Tinges, folio).

Our friend Robins is scarcely equal to himself this season. The
poetry of his advertisements has not the free, the sledge-hammer swing
of former years. We have known more florid eloquence invite the
purchase of a metal tea-pot than Robins now puts forth for the sale
of the two or three Elysiums always on hand. For, as dear Tom Hood
said of Robins, he is like unto the Evil One, always " knocking down'"
somebody's paradise. Take a sample ! Robins would sell "the entire
Hamlet of Willenhall, in Warwickshire." Now, if it were Charles
Kean's Hamlet, he couldn't make a poorer thing of it. He says :—

'' The Elizabethan villa is altogether adapted to a gentleman's occupation. It probably
might be improved by a finishing stroke from the hand of an artiste There is, besides,
one of the farm-houses where the proprietor would be but too happy to take up his quar-
ters occasionally during the sporting season."

This is flat, and small, compared with the sparkling thoughts of other

seasons:—

"Longevity prevails on this healthy property, and some time since, this was proved by
Mr. Blue (close by,) retiring into a letter world, at the advanced age of 108."

This, it must be confessed, is a touch worthy of the master. The
" retiring into a better world," is very nicely, delicately hinted. Had
Mr. Blue " retired " to some country-box and not to his coffin, the
fashionable movement could not have been more prettily chronicled.

Mr. Robins begs to ask (" and with earnestness," mind) :—

" If the every-day observation, resounding now from all quarters, that the agricultural
community have been more frightened than hurt, is not rendered most manifest by the
above unassuming recital of facts ? "

Robins is evidently one of Sir Robert Peel's converts : he now
sees the necessity of an alteration of the Corn Laws ; whilst last
season he triumphantly quoted the Minister's avowal, that " no altera-
tion was contemplated." But Robins, like meaner men, has been
converted.

The next lot, gentle reader, is " Seven House Demesne," near
Bristol. It is placed on an eminence, and—

" The luxuriant shrubberies and plantations that encircle it, keep the cold winds at a

most respectable distance."

Indefiniteness is one of the elements of high poetry, and here we
have it. The improvement of cattle is oddly enough prescribed by
Doctor Robins as a remedy for ennui : black-faced sheep may be
made to cure blue-devils ; for there is—

" A snug little farm-house and buildings, giving to the industrious views of the pro-
prietor a very delightful resource to rill up on occasional idle hour, beside leisure in
improving the breed of his cattle; thus combining the art of driving away ennui (if it
should presume to make its unwelcome appearance) from this seat of happy contentment.'.

Had we listened to the mob-eloquence of a cheap Jack—or to the
Demosthenic appeals of a mock-auctioneer putting off plated goods on
the unwary bumpkin—the effort would not have called for comment.
But it is otherwise with the rhapsodies of a Robins ; for, though at
the first blush they seem especially concocted for the meanest under-
standing, we must not forget that they are expressly put forth to
catch the rich and aristocratic. A profound compliment to the intelli-
gence of high-life !

A RAILWAY CEMETERY.

\yHAT is to be done with ah the
defunct Railway schemes ?
is now the question in many
quarters. Considering the
number of mourners over the
departed projects, is it right
that they should be left with-
out a decent burial ? We beg
leave to propose a Cemetery
on a large scale for the inter-
ment of the late much-la-
mented Railways. Is it con-
sistent with the dignity of so
many illustrious branches of
the Railway family that they
should be left to perish with-
out a monument to their
memory ? The lines of York
and Lancaster, of which so
many have been cut off,
must not be permitted to mingle in that dust—with which they were
unable to come down—unmarked by a single slab of renxLoiscence. We