Punch (10.1846)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

257

THE DERBY EPIDEMIC.

THE BERKSHIRE LIBELLER.

The Berkshire Chronide complains that we have handed him over to
the Attorney-General for a libel on the Queen—

"in stating that the Royal apartments at Windsor were to be closed to the public.
Now Punch is rather hard upon us in the matter, inasmuch as we never connected Hkr
Majesty's name with the order."

Now this is sneaking and shabby. What was the inference ? If
the Royal apartments were closed, could it be by any other than Heb
Majesty's order ? Could such a mandate issue from the Windsor
housekeeper ? Yet now would the Berkshire Arcadian shuffle from the
consequences of the libel. This smacks of poltroonery. It would have
been handsomer to confess the blunder, and promise better behaviour.
The truthful Chronicle also observes—

" Her Majesty has long since excluded Punch from every one of her palaces, but
then Punch ought not to retaliate, but consider he has re»lly earned expulsion by his
merciless quizzing."

If this really be true, we are very sorry for the inmates of the
palaces. Poor souls ! They must find such dwelling-places dull
indeed, and groan for Punch—as young ladies sigh for love—in a
cottage.

brougiiam wool-gathering.

Lord Campbell has twitted Brougham for " sitting upon the corner
of the woolsack." Now, Lord B. and V. does this upon the old homely
principle, that half a loaf is better than none. It is something, to be
«ven on the edge of the Chancellorship.

MARK ANTONY RICHMOND ON THE BODY OF
PROTECTION.

•' Dukes, Barons, Noblemen, lend me your ears :

I come to bury, not to praise, Protection.

The evil that laws do lives after them ;

The good is oft interred with repeal.

So be it with Protection. Good Sir Robert

Hath said Protection was iniquitous :

If it were so, it were a grievous fault,

And grievously she now hath answer'd it.

Here, under leave of Robert and the rest,

For Robert is an honourable man,

(So are they all, all honourable men :)

—Oh, very !—speak I in her funeral.

She m'as my friend, liberal and kind to me ;

But Robert says she was iniquitous,

And Robert is an honourable man.

She hath kept many tenants on your lands,

Whose rents did your good Lordships' incomes swell :

Did this in her appear iniquitous ?

She, whilst the poor have starved, hath made you fat—■

Iniquity is of more levelling stuff .

Yet Robert says she was iniquitous,

And he's—oh, yes !—an honourable man.

You all did love her once, not without cause ;

What cause withheld you, then, to vote for her ?

Oh sharpness, thou art fled to vulgar Snobs,

And Lords have lost their gumption !—Bear with me ;

My heart is in my coffers with Protection,

And I must pause till -it come back to me.

*******

If you have tears, prepare to shed them now.—
You all do know this statute : I remember
The first time ever Rjpon brought it in,
That time that he was Mr. Robinson.
Look, in this place ran Cobden's weapon through ;
See, what a cut the envious Villiers made •
Through this the well-beloved Robert stabb'd,
And as he pluck'd his sliding-scale away,
Mark how Protection's life-blood followed it ;
As rushing out of doors, to be resolv'd
If Robert so unkindly knock'd or no,
(For, you know, Robert was Protection's angel)
Judge, oh you Lords, how tenderly she lov'd him !
This was the most unkindest cut of all .
For when the fair Protection saw him stab,
Inconstancy, more strong than Leaguer's wiles,
Quite vanquish'd her : then burst her mighty heart ;
And in her polka muffling up her face,
Ev'n at the base of Canning's statue,
Which all the while ran blood, Protection fell !
Oh ! what a do was there, my noblemen !
Then you, and I, and all of us, were done,
Whilst Free-Trade treason flourish'd over us.
Oh ! now you weep, and I perceive you see
How the cat jumpeth : these are feeling drops.
Kind Lords, what! weep you when you but behold
Protection's statute riddled ? Look you here,
Here is herself, burk'd, as you see, by traitors !
******

Good Lords, sweet Lords, let me not stir you up

To any sudden flood of mutiny.

They that have done this deed are honourable,

(Over the left) ;—their private ends I know not ;

I am no actor, as Robert is :

But, as you know me all, a dull blunt duke—

For I have neither wit, nor words, nor worth,

Action, nor utterance, nor the power of speech

To stir men's blood. But were I Robert Peel,

And Peel were Richmond, then there were a Richmond

Would rub your spirit up. and put a tongue

In each wound of Protection, that should move

The House of Lords to rise and mutiny."

another bad one.

An old gentleman, who is just beginning to pun, says, "Prince
Louis Napoleon, by escaping from Ham, has saved hi3 bacon." The
reader is requested to observe that the joke is upon " ham" and
" bacon."